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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

C Section disappointment and DH

728 replies

Lessonsinchemistry6 · 24/04/2024 09:24

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

OP posts:
IfIwasrude · 24/04/2024 09:28

Your husband sounds absolutely awful. You made a sensible decision and well done for bringing your baby into the world.

I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship though. What a dick.

Lanawashington · 24/04/2024 09:28

Any man who thinks that having major abdominal surgery is 'the easy option' is a fucking idiot.

PoppingTomorrow · 24/04/2024 09:29

What on earth is he thinking?

You did the right thing. He should be looking at you adoringly for growing his child!

He has helped a lot with DD - you mean he has parented a lot with DD. And you're only a few days in.

Your hormones will be all over the place. You have your beautiful baby. Is she well? Please just enjoy time with her and focus on your recovery. Are you able to feed your baby?

Noone who has had a c section thinks it is an easy option. Do you have family and friends nearby?
Please talk to your midwife. Hopefully she will set your DH straight.

FlyingPizzaMonkey · 24/04/2024 09:29

He sounds like a fucking idiot. Disappointed? FML.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/04/2024 09:30

Firstly, congratulations on your baby.

Secondly, your husband is being a twat. A c-section is not the easy way out. You did what was best for you and the baby.

Finally, he isn't helping he's being a parent. Change your mindset on this before it becomes embedded.

RollnRock · 24/04/2024 09:30

When you've recovered you need to do your patio ...
and put your fuckwit of a husband in the foundations.

Pacificisolated · 24/04/2024 09:31

Your husband is an absolute pig. There should be no more babies with him. Is he usually such a bully?

Dimsmavies · 24/04/2024 09:31

I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk

You will be well monitored but the important thing about subsequent pregnancies is that your current husband is not the father. What an absolute horror he is.

RicherThanYews · 24/04/2024 09:31

Your husband is a dick. Isn't he aware that long labour with placenta issues is really not good for the baby and waiting any longer would have put you both at risk? Be kind to yourself op as your husband clearly won't.

awopbopaloobopawopbamboom · 24/04/2024 09:31

Your husband is a piece of shit.

Sapphire387 · 24/04/2024 09:31

Are you being serious? This 'man' is awful. Did he have a 'natural delivery' the last time he gave birth??

WhatNoRaisins · 24/04/2024 09:33

Oh hell no, it's your body OP. He should keep his views to himself.

MissTrip82 · 24/04/2024 09:33

FFS what an absolute piece of shit.

There’s no way this guy has form for being a consistently kind empathic person. He’s always been a piece of shit.

What you do now you know this is up to you.

echt · 24/04/2024 09:33

RollnRock · 24/04/2024 09:30

When you've recovered you need to do your patio ...
and put your fuckwit of a husband in the foundations.

This. With knobs on. Twat.

Fromage · 24/04/2024 09:33

"DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip."

Let me get this straight - you were exhausted, incredibly worried, your daughter was showing signs of distress, it seemed likely you would need a c-section anyway, so you cut to the chase and made a decision based on your and your daughter's wellbeing and safety?

This is called 'excellent parenting.'

How much fear and pain did your husband want you to suffer? Is he a medical professional?

I'd be interested to know from the midwives and obstetricians on here, how often scenarios like your end in a c-section, and how helpful it is when your patient cuts to the chase and doesn't cause you, a medical professional, more concern?

"DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties."

Does he even like you??!

Blessedbethefruitz · 24/04/2024 09:33

They don't do c sections in these circumstances for shits and giggles, your baby was in danger. Your husband needs to take a look at himself. Recovery is so hard for some people (me), that the vbac I had after was the 'easy' way out in comparison.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby and her safe delivery. I hope your recovery goes smoothly and your husband gets his head out of his ass.

Toarrie · 24/04/2024 09:34

Babies die and suffer serious brain injuries when their CTG dips! You could well have saved your baby’s life.
he wouldn’t have thought a c section was the easy option if he heard his baby being resuscitated due to delays in getting one

AlexaPlaySomeHappyHardcore · 24/04/2024 09:34

Your husband is being a total bastard. How dare he make you feel bad for having to have major surgery?! Seriously, these types of attitude about c sections being “easy” piss me off anyway but it’s 10 times worse when it’s from someone who’s meant to love you and support you.

Please be kind to yourself OP, you did the best and safest thing for you and your baby. Don’t let this absolutely clueless tosser make you feel disappointed in yourself.

Justsmileanwave · 24/04/2024 09:35

I had 2 c sections. It's not the easy option! It's the safest one. Don't be disappointed in yourself.....what was needed to get your baby into the world safely was done & that is the most important thing not how they entered the world.
Your husband should be being more supportive. I was devastated with my first because of the 3 days induction the size of him (he was 10lb ) and being in agony I really struggled with feeding. 2 days in I had to give in and give him a bottle I was devastated but everyone who was supportive said you are doing what you feel is right to give your baby what he needs. You did exactly the same to give birth safely & the medical staff wouldn't have agreed if they didn't feel it was necessary. Just take time & enjoy your baby. Xx

AbbeFausseMaigre · 24/04/2024 09:35

What the fuck have I just read. Your 'D'H is being an absolute bastard.

I had a similar experience with a very long, exhaisting failed induction that ended in a c-section. My body was simply not capable of birthing my baby naturally or safely and I was (and still am) just hugely thankful that we have modern medicine and because without it we would have both died.

Implying that you somehow just didn't try hard enough is utterly disgusting behaviour from the person who should be worshiping the fucking ground you walk on right now.

WhatNoRaisins · 24/04/2024 09:36

Also a lot of inductions end in C sections anyway.

Starlight7080 · 24/04/2024 09:36

Same thing with first. I was being induced been in slow labour for 3 days and was 42 weeks. After 8 hours baby's heart rate kept dipping and was told c section may be needed soon . Turned the drip off and heart rate was fine but labour stopped . Turned back on and baby was not happy so emergency c section .
Recovery was not great and I felt very sad I hadn't been able to have her naturally. But now looking back I'm just so happy she was OK .
He hasn't a clue at how traumatic the whole experience is. You did somthing amazing . And he should be proud of you

Everydayimhuffling · 24/04/2024 09:36

It's not "the easy option" at all. It's ok for you to feel disappointed that it wasn't what you'd hoped; it's totally unacceptable for him to blame you or speak to you about it that way.

I was terrified of having a c section, and very very glad that my induction worked quickly. Yours didn't. That's not your fault. Knowing your body well enough to know that you are exhausted is not taking the easy option.

Whatsitcalled38 · 24/04/2024 09:37

Yeah totally sounds like you took the easy route op. 3 days of labour and major surgery, what a weakling. 🙄

You made the best choice for your baby, you knew dragging out the labour was only going to hurt you and your baby further and still result in surgery. You laid down and let someone cut through your body to pull your baby to safety.

Tell him he can birth the next one if it looked so easy. And I'd inform him that for the rest of his life, any time he takes any form of medical care you're going to criticise him for taking the easy route. Antibiotics, "giving up already are you, don't think your body can handle it" broken bone "anyone would think our bodies aren't designed to heal themselves". Knobbber.

FrenchandSaunders · 24/04/2024 09:37

Christ I've read some things on here ..... this is awful OP. How is he usually? Is this out of character? What was he like during your pregnancy? I can't get my head around it. You did the right thing, please don't listen to him or blame yourself. You could have lost your DD and/or your own life.

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