C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

I’d be reconsidering my relationship with him, including whether I wanted my daughter raised by someone with such a bad attitude towards women.

Wow. Your DH sounds like a real peach. Do you look down on women (your friends, family etc) who have c sections?? I bloody hope not.

Absolutely this actually - shame him, publicly, in front of the midwife (or in front of female relatives). Just say, while he's there, "I'm so happy she's here, but I'm disappointed how it happened. After all, like DH says, 'I took the easy option and I've only got myself to blame for the recovery issues'" (use the exact words he uses so he can't weasel out of it). Watch them fucking blow up in his face.

You just had a baby, you just had major surgery, no guy has even the tiniest idea what it's like to go through this and his job here is to support you and care for you, nothing else. He doesn't get to have an opinion on how you give birth, because it's not his body. I had an emergency c-section with my first, we got to that point you were worried about just a little further along. I had oxytocin, and her heart rate was falling, and getting worrying and they asked if I wanted to go for a c-section and I said yes, but we were waiting for someone else higher priority to go through and they took me off the oxytocin, but her heart rate kept falling and then we were rushed up to surgery. She was fine, but it was terrifying.

You regret not trying longer, I regret getting the oxytocin. My DDs heart rate was fine beforehand. If you'd pushed through you may well be sitting here wishing you'd stopped sooner and your baby had had an easier birth. A friend also ended up with an emergency c-section after oxytocin. I have several friends who wish their births or pregnancies had gone differently. Ultimately if you both come through it fine that's the most important thing. Tell you not so D H that MN is telling him that he's failing massively as a good husband and unlike your birth that's something that is actually controllable. Sometimes births just happen the way they do and it's not on you or me, you do the best with what you're given. You and your baby are here safe and sound, that's what matters.

Your husband should be thanking his lucky stars that you and DD are OK, instead of whining about disappointment

Your husband is a cunt.

I’ve had 2 c sections, one emergency due to failed induction and dipped heart rate. One planned due to baby being transverse.

Neither birthing option is easy, but major abdominal surgery while having to look after a baby is definitely not the easy option.

In fact I get really really jealous of anyone who goes into hospital for surgery and gets to rest for a few hours afterwards, instead of having baby put on their chest and neck while still sliced open on an operating table.

What an actual cunt.

Your husband is a prick. I had a very similar sounding labour to yours with my second. I did end up having her vaginally, but that was better "luck" than judgement (as she just decided, suddenly, to come very quickly) and it was far from the less easy option/lucky in the end... I had a PPH and lost 70% of my blood and ended up in ICU.

So no, you didn't take "the easy option"- you took a sensible and safer option for you and your baby. Okay, once out of ICU (and six blood transfusions) I could bend and pick my baby up no problem, but it was less easy to do any of things while I was full of wires and tubes and couldn't even see my baby.

It deserves saying again, so I will: your husband is a PRICK.

Don't you dare blame yourself (and yes, you are in the midst of the hormone crash blues). A c-section is not the easy way out, it was a medical option and you were exhausted after three days in labour. Your baby arrived safely, and your husband needs a stern talking to. He wasn't going through contractions etc, he doesn't get to choose.

Be kind to yourself, you made the right decision.

By the way OP, I was VERY disappointed and sad about my first (post-induction) EMCS. I found the sadness only really went away after birth reflections - if your hospital offers it, when you feel ready book in a session - a midwife or other medical professional will go through all your notes with you and talk through (in so far as is possible) what happened, how it happened and why. I found there was a lot I had forgotten about, in all the pain and tiredness; I also found that having someone walk me through it after the fact really helped me come to terms with how it had all gone and my choices (where I'd had them).

I tried for a home VBAC for my second birth, was scuppered almost immediately by meconium so into hospital I went, and when I started having the same problems with DD2 as I'd had with DD1 (which I'd previously blamed on DD1 being induced, but turns out it's just how I labour!), and DD2's heart started failing to recover between contractions, I made the same decision you did and cut to the chase with a section. I was so much more informed and prepared that time, and it was actually a very empowering and healing experience, just as a lot of women who manage to have one describe a VBAC. So please don't worry too much about the next birth yet - the most important thing for a good birth (from the mother's perspective, not the obvious main goal of healthy baby) is knowledge and self-advocacy, the ability to understand your choices and make them confidently. So if you go on to have a VBAC, and elective or another EMCS, your next birth will hopefully be much less upsetting than this one!

But yes, agree with other posters, don't have any more babies with this dipstick.

Subsequent pregnancies?! You're not considering having another baby with this individual are you @Lessonsinchemistry6 ???

Actually I am wondering... Are you both part of a very strict religion or something? I can't imagine why ANYone would be like this. Feeling 'disappointed,' and angry and that they have let themselves and their partner down by having to have a c-section instead of a vaginal birth! And I can't imagine why the partner would feel upset and disappointed in the mother of his child not having a natural birth either.

As I said, are you both part of a very strict religion? Because if not, his behaviour - and attitude is extreme and nasty,

C section solidarity @Lessonsinchemistry6 .

My "disappointments" are happy, healthy, intelligent teens. One was a c sec under GA, one was "just" an emcs. They were also largely formula fed. I feel no guilt about this at all. Happy, healthy kids.

What exactly is your DH's problem? I bet he'd squirm at the idea of having a vasectomy, who the heck does he think he is criticising and belittling you for having medically advised abdominal surgery to birth his child?

Please show your cunt of a husband this thread.

Oh you poor loive, @Lessonsinchemistry6 !

I had the same experience of pregnancy and birth. There is nothing easy about an emergency C section. A vaginal birth when your body is exhausted and your baby is in distress is a risky undertaking - would your idiot husband prefer you risked the health of yourself and your child?

You're hit with so many hormones, you're completely exhausted and you're understandably feeling low. I wish I could bring you cake and a cuddle - I remember that feeling so well, even though the infant concerned is 25 year old now.child.

You didn't go through all this for a Birth Experience, you did it to have a healthy baby. You succeeded, and a thousand congratulations to you and your daughter. You're going to be a great mum; you've already done all you can to give her a good start.

PS He's not "helping", he's caring for his own child, whilst his wife recovers from surgery.

I had a very similar birth story to you. Forced to accept an induction because I was 40. Induction failed to progress and my baby got into distress. Her CTG improved just as they were about to take me into theatre so they gave me something overnight to stop the contractions instead. By morning they were trying to gaslight me into going on the drip and having my waters broken. I refused and eventually they agreed to a c-section after a lot of argument from me. There was no way I was going to risk any potential harm to my baby by continuing with the induction.

Rationally I knew I made the right choice, but I tortured myself after she was born that I'd not had a vaginal delivery, that I should have done something differently. That I had failed. I was bitterly hurt everyone someone used the phrase "normal birth" when they meant giving birth vaginally.

My husband struggled with this. The reason? Because he couldn't understand my hurt. In his eyes we did the right thing as parents by pushing for a c-section. He thought I should be proud of myself for doing the right thing. Over and over he's reassured me of that when I've cried.

Your husbands a prick. You delivered your baby into the world in the safest way possible for you both. And he’s not “helping” with your daughter like he’s doing you some favour. He is also a parent, he is just being a parent, not helpful.

Urgh posted too soon. What I'm to say is that your husband has been unbelievably cruel. He should be backing you up and taking care of you both. Sweetheart, you absolutely did the right thing and that by having the c-section, you put your baby first. Please, please do not think you've failed. You're amazing and I wish you so much love.

What a twat your husband is.

Your voting is a bit confusing. If you'd asked wibu to have a section, you'd have got 100% yanbu.

Major abdominal surgery after 3 days of labour...IS NOT THE EASY WAY OUT

Jesus your dh is low.

Your husband is an idiot. I’d love to see him having gone through childbirth. What was the most important thing is you and baby are safe and that’s what the c section provided.

i had a similar easy pregnancy until the last few weeks and like you was induced and had the drip. Unfortunately I never got a c section and had a difficult delivery with baby needing to get out fast at the end which resulted in a 4th degree tear. Took a lot longer to recover than a c section (which I ended up having 2nd time) and have ongoing health issues because of it. C section is not an easy decision but was the right one for you x

There is no reason any subsequent pregnancies would be high risk. You can still have a VAGINAL birth in the future if you so wish. It’s known as a VBAC and very common.
Your DH sounds a twat.

Your baby left your body safely and is now in your arms. This is the only goal when giving birth.

What other things does your partner shows is disappointment about?

Talk to your midwife/ health visitor in private asap. Your ghastly husband is emotionally abusing you when you are vulnerable.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well.

Stop being disappointed in yourself. And tell your husband to get the fuck over himself. Until he can give birth, he doesn't get to have an opinion about what's 'easy.'

I don't even have children and still can't believe what a monumental bastard he's being.

I had an emergency c section. I want to come over and give your husband a piece of my mind.

absolute asshole.