C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Well done on bringing your baby safely into the world, super mum.
Your husband sounds like a walking red flag, would strongly suggest when your midwife visits you speak to her about this. Please also speak to a trusted friend or family member.
Hope your recovery goes well. Take your time and look after yourself.

You have been through an incredible ordeal. No wonder you are feeling what you call "disappointment", but it is more because of all the emotions going on in general. Congratulations, you have brought a human being into this world! Hope you pick up soon and, once again, well done. xxx

YOU are allowed to feel whatever you want right now. But DH feeling disappointment???? As Thatcher used to say: No, no, no!

I don't comment often but as a mum whose baby was stillborn because of placental problems, despite an emergency c-section, I would like to reassure you that you did exactly the right thing for you and your baby.

If your husband can't see that, he doesn't deserve either of you.

Congratulations though, you should be proud of yourself for getting, and continuing to get, through what is no doubt a physically and emotionally traumatic experience to recover from.

Congratulations on your new little baby ❤️

Sounds like you made a very sensible decision under very tricky circumstances. Placenta issues are no joke.

Not sure if it helps but a family member had an emergency c section and then 18ish months later gave birth vaginally, and then again 18 months after that. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll need c section again next time, although if that is the safest way of delivering any future babies then you should take that option without any hesitation or regrets.

Be kind to yourself, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Enjoy your new little bundle of joy!

WTF did I just read? Your pathetic man thinks you didn't suffer enough - is he a sadist? Oh how I wish there was a way for him to feel how you feel after a major op! I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time! Take care of yourself, you deserve a medal.

“Blame yourself for your difficulties” - bloody outrageous of your DH! As if anyone asks for placental issues! He is a prick

I voted YABU because you have done nothing other than bring an entire new person into this world, you should only be proud

Congratulations on the birth of your child!
You are not unreasonable to feel disappointed for not getting the birth experience you wanted. Especially if things were going well as it will be a shock -like the rug was pulled out from under breath you say the last minute.
I had a last minute c section due to my waters breaking and not progressing past 3cm in over 36 hours. I knew then I was already too exhausted. It took weeks to begin to get over the disappointment. I felt like I hadn't really had a full birth experience because it hadn't been what I hoped for. I felt my body had pretty me down because I kept seeing all this stuff about how birth is natural and your body will know what to do and that just wasn't my experience. I felt cheated. I couldn't hold my boy when he was born because I was shaking too much. And the tea and toast was atrocious.
You are allowed to feel that disappointment, and grieve the experience you didn't get.
I can focus now on the fact that my baby got here safely and we managed to avoid other issues by having the c section.
Your husband doesn't get to be disappointed regarding your birth experience. He should be grateful that you and the baby are here and safe. He sounds downright abusive.
Do not let him talk down the hard work you did. You grew a person and you made the decision which brought them here safely. That's awesome.
Please also do not let him guilt you into rushing your recovery. You might feel okay now, but do NOT rush it, I went for a walk around the block 4 days after my section because I felt okay and that was a big mistake. I did not feel okay after that.
Please reach out to any support you have from friends or family as sadly your husband sounds like he's going to hurt your emotional and physical recovery.
Take care x

3 days in labour and he thinks you took the easy option ? Remember that any type of birth that results in a live mother and a healthy baby is a successful one. Get your midwife if they still visit to talk him through the exact reasons why a C Section was the only safe option for you and the baby and potential consequences if this had not been done. What an absolute Luna….( please refer to The Gentleman on Netflix for the full description of your husband)

I think an excellent idea would be to have your dickhead husband read this thread, @101Nutella —

I had a c section after 5 days of labour not progressing, including on the drip. I felt like a failure too... but on hindsight it was because of my partner being unsupportive. I had another child with him and had a planned section. He hasn't changed and havent been together for 10yrs now. I would be reconsidering your relationship once you have recovered from surgery. He sounds like a manchild. I would show him the comments from this post if you haven't already. Major surgery isn't the easy way out at all. BTW I have gotten over my "I will never give birth" thoughts. It takes time. I'm now glad I haven't had a vaginal birth and grateful I'm alive and so are my children. You will get there.

I would say Caesarean is the more difficult option. It's an operation.

I suggest you tell him that the day he has grown and birthed an entire human being is the day he gets to say ANYTHING at all about your birth choices.

He has a DD that he wouldnt have without your sacrifice, so he either shuts the fuck up or fucks the fuck off.

Sanctimonious arrogant fucking ARSEHOLE! Shit I cannot believe how fucking angry this has made me. I wish I knew who he was so I give him a fucking massive bollocking, the piece of shit.

You’ve done nothing wrong ! You made a decision that resulted in a healthy baby and mother !!! It could have ended very differently. Try to take it easy and rest a lot having a baby is physically and mentally exhausting . If you are feeling down it may be the baby blues but please don’t think you did anything wrong x

Congrats on your baby. You need to enjoy this precious time with baby and focus on yourself.

I had a similar experience a failed induction after 14 days delay had my DC via section. Had been low risk all through and I had done all the right things throughout and had a misconception that my labour would be a breeze. 3 days of induction and nothing was moving. I refused the drip and opted for a section never regretted it for one moment.

Historically babies and woman have died in labor. We should be glad that modern technology gives options to monitor the progress and allows you to make decisions. Despite this there are so many who have lost babies, many born with injuries. I have seen woman who lost babies after prolonged labor and heavy blood loss.

A c section means you have put yourself through major abdominal surgery to ensure your child was ok. Your DH should be nothing but supportive. He has no idea what it is to grow a human full term and then recover from a major surgery. Please take care and rest and heal. Hope you have other supportive people in life.

I struggle to understand the bad sentiment towards a c section when the most important thing is your brought your baby into the world safely! What would you both prefer… another unthinkable alternative?!
You are allowed to grieve that you didn’t get the birth choice you wanted, however your DH is not. This is a time when he should be supporting you the most, when your emotions are already heightened. Having a newborn probably isn’t the best time to think about a separation, but if he can’t support you at the very beginning - how will he support you during the rest of motherhood?

How are you doing op?

Congratulations on your baby.
Your DH sounds like an utter piece of male garbage. Please reconsider your future with him.

Enough with the ‘ natural birth ‘ nonsense. It’s a vaginal birth.
FGS this is why women get so hung up about this nonsense.

Oh @Lessonsinchemistry6 congratulations and well done on your new little one. You have done a hard but wonderful thing giving birth to her. Do not beat yourself up for one moment about the route to giving her life. And do not allow anyone else do that, particularly your DH. Ugh, how dare he! Just be rightfully proud of what you’ve done. It’s no small thing as any woman and MOST men would tell you.

I have a friend who experienced something similar to you and a bit of a backlash from some family members. Unfortunately for them, she had a medical background and explained in gory graphic detail exactly what her body went through to give her baby life.
That shut them up.

Fuck anyone who belittles you that way. You’re a fantastic mum already.

Where are you Op?

Just to add to my earlier post of Wednesday 24th April at 17 36....

And just to make you feel better about refusing the oxytocin drip....

My first labour had started naturally at EDD +4 days. I'd been to all the classes and read all the books... I had a birth plan. But nature decided otherwise. During labour, I used TNS, pethidine and then an epidural. One numbed by the epidural, everyone left the room to leave me to rest. Including my husband, at my suggestion, as he too was exhausted by then. My baby had a foetal scalp monitor to constantly track her heart rate. I couldn't feel a thing by then but was vigilant because there had already been meconium in my waters, when they broke... The oxytocin drip was meant to accelerate the labour whilst I was no longer in pain. Usually, my baby's heart rate dipped during contractions, and then recovered, until it didn't. I saw the monitor go through 140, 130., 120, 100, 90, 80, 70, 60, without going back up again. At 50, I called for help. The midwife rushed in, swore profusely, switched off the drip. I remember someone asking if they should shave me before the C section. The registrar said "Christ, we haven't got time for that, just get her down to theatre!". I remember them running down the corridor with me on a trolley, corridor lights flashing past as they ran. No time to top up the epidural. My daughter was delivered, through a jagged scar, a few minutes later, and thankfully, I was under general anaesthetic by then. My daughter's APGAR scores were 9 and 9, so the scar was a small price to pay for a beautiful baby, who could so nearly have died. The bloody NCT teacher had a lot to answer for. My second baby (VBAC), was delivered two years later. It was good not to have to go through another C section, but by then I just knew that a healthy baby was all that mattered. My son's APGAR scores were 8 and 10. My "babies" are now 38 and 36. C section is not failure. It is a medical miracle which saves millions of lives every year.

Where have gone OP?
We are still here

I’d imagine she’s busy with her not-yet-week-old baby and probably reassessing her marriage at the same time. Doubt we’re a priority tbh.

"Dear" husband can go fuck himself. Would he rather a dead or disabled baby or wife?