C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

You made a good decision. Your husband is a fucking bastard of the first order and I wouldn't be able to even look at him I'd be so angry. How fucking dare he. When HE get's his abdomen sliced open, THEN hE gets to describe it as 'the easy option'. Wanker.

Please ignore him, take care of yourself and your baby, and when you're felling strong enough, chuck the fucker.

I get why you feel disappointed. You shouldn’t be, you don’t need to be, you made the choice to birth your baby in the way that was best for both of you at that moment. But I know emotions, especially post-partum, are not rational. Baby blues are tough. Try to go easy on yourself, until there’s enough time that you can look back and realise that you made the right decision.

Your DH, on the other hand, is being absolutely horrendous. How dare he say you took the easy way out and you’re to blame!! That’s such a horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone the woman he loves. You absolutely should expect much more of him than this.

This!
No way would I have subsequent babies with a man like this!

I've had two sections - one emergency at 32 weeks and one planned (fwiw the consultant was more than happy for me to try for a VBAC second time round, so you may well get to do this).

It definitely wasn't the easy way out! You did what you needed to do, and tbh likely what the medical professionals would have suggested, for your health and your baby. Having a baby isn't a transactional process. Your husband sounds like an arse.
And also, he's not helping with the baby, he's parenting!

Hope you are doing ok, please don't take this level of disrespect x

Also please ignore the poll results because I think all the people saying YABU mean you have no reason to feel guilty and the people saying YANBU are saying your husband is being a dick. Basically the same thing.

Your husband is a moron of the highest degree. The safety of your baby and you should be his priority and c sections are not the easy way out.

What I’m about to say may be triggering for some but your husband needs to understand what could have happened if you hadn’t made the decision to have a c section. I had a long labour and placenta issues with my DD. Sadly these issues weren’t picked up on and DD was stillborn which was and still is devastating. Your husband should be cherishing you and your child and doing all he can to look after you. Not admonishing you. What a fucktard.

Congratulations! And well done! I can understand why you might be disappointed at having a long and difficult start to labour that ended with emergency caesarian. I had a caesarian too and it wasn't want I had hoped for. BUT your baby is here, safely into the world and you have worked hard to get them here! Your husband however, is behaving despicably! How could he say those things? Thinking them is pretty unforgivable, but to actually say them? WTAF!

Wow, what’s wrong with your husband. What a bloody weirdo. I a, sssuming he is an arsehole in other ways and didn’t suddenly become one with an obsession over types of birth?

why are you listening to him and not telling him to fuck right off.

Your DH is a complete arsehole. Slice through his abdomen with a knife and inner layers, stick a football in the hole and then pull it back out. Then hand him a baby to look after and see if he still thinks that is an easy fucking option.

And he is not "helping" with DD. He is parenting his child.

Seriously what a complete dickhead he is.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! You've done amazing. I'm sorry your husband is a dick, you deserve better than that

The hospital is at fault for making you have an induction. Inductions are very high risk and usually end up in c sections due to the terrible strain it puts on you and your baby.

I'm so sorry, women are lied to about the risks of inductions all the time. The risks often outweigh any benefit. And the reasons they give for needing one are often loosely based on national averages and rarely ever based on individual circumstances or an actual diagnosis of something.

I had an induction with my first which was very traumatic, due to "post dates".

My next 2 babies were 42+ weekers and despite being bullied and pressured with "dead baby" I held fast and both babies were born alert and healthy.

C section is not an easy way out. He sounds like a right prick. I'd love to have seen him manage half the pain you must have been going through and see which option he chose!!
Major abdominal surgery you have had and you grew your beautiful baby inside you. You are in no way a failure or a disappointment to anyone by having a c section.
Congratulations on your lovely baby don't let him get you down or ruin your time with your newborn.

FML "easy option"

Having been induced 4 times and fortunately NOT needing the drip and having unassisted deliveries a C-Section is far from the easy option.

Your baby was at risk you made the only option for a safe delivery.

You did absolutely the right thing medically, best for you and dd

I do remember feeling a bit disappointed about not giving birth naturally at first, but my DH was amazing - backing up the medical team saying it was the right thing, looking after me and dd and saying I did an incredible thing

Your H is an absolute twat. How dare he ruin this for you. You should be so proud for growing your beautiful daughter and getting her born safely. Congratulations

Surgery is definitely not the easy option - although I recovered well and took comfort in an undamaged vagina!

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties

Your husband is a cunt

Is he not understanding the situation? You and the baby were at risk, this wasn't a lifestyle choice, it was a pragmatic decision. And you would very likely have had to have the C-section anyway. Explain to him in words of one syllable and if he still doesn't get it you married an imbecile.

YABU to feel in any way disappointed with yourself.

YANBU to think your husband is being a prick of the highest order. My DH sat by my head for my two c sections and all he's ever said is "It's mad that you had surgery while you were awake, that's mental".

Have you spoken to him about your feelings? Does he think he's being lighthearted and in some weird way helping you by minimising it?

If he's not typically a dick, speak to him seriously about how you feel and how his comments make you feel. If he's a good man he'll be horrified and reassure you.

You didn’t take the easy option. Labour and delivery is very risky for mother and baby. There is a lot of pressure to have a natural birth and in the face of that pressure you advocated for yourself and your baby. You recognised you were tired and your baby was showing signs of distress. You advocated to keep yourself and your baby safe after you had been at induction for 3 days. You made a difficult decision to have major abdominal surgery. You were likely heading towards a c-section anyway but you listened to the doctors, recognised the signs and you got to make your own decision. You did all this while you were tired, in pain and probably scared. You did fantastically.

You’re a few days postpartum and the hormones are all over the place. You’re going to be sad by a lot of things, some are real things to feel sad about and some aren’t. Maybe you’ll still feel regret about the c-section further down the line, a lot of women do, maybe this will pass shortly.

Tell your DH to fuck off. When he has been through 3 days of induction process and then elected to keep himself and baby safe, then he can have an opinion. Tell him that major surgery is not the easy option.

How you chose to give birth with your body is absolutely no one else’s business but yours.

I had one natural birth with no pain relief and one CS and know which one I wouldn't want to repeat! CS are not the easy option and it's no one else's business anyway, particularly someone who will never experience either. You delivered a healthy baby, end of.

Your H should absolutely be more supportive, to the point I wouldn't even be thinking about future pregnancies involving him.

He reckons you took ‘the easy option’?

The far easier option is to be a father rather than a mother, avoid 9 months of strain on your body with a painful end whichever option you take.

What an arsehole!

That is horrendous! No birth is easy, and no birth should be judged. Induction is fucking awful. Men have absolutely no idea what pregnancy and birth is like, they have no place to judge or make comment. I'd telling him any more talk like that and he can leave. Disappointed with a safe birth with healthy mother and baby? Twat.

You have done nothing wrong. You chose the safe option. Tell him to stick his judgemental head up his arse.

I also got comments after my CS complaining about recovery time, not being able to do things. He was a twat too but now one I have nothing to do with.

I had a emcs and then for second child I had a vaginal birth. EMCS is far from the easy way out. When your midwife comes for the next check make sure DH is in the room and discuss your disappointment worry about c section. Hopefully she will tell him he is being a dick. Women and babies can and still die un childbirth in the UK. You took medical advice to have major surgery as your baby was in distress and you were exhausted. You should be proud of that sensible decision. Well done on giving birth to your baby.

I’ve just had my third baby via EMCS - not my choice but I would have chosen it if the decision had been mine and had been on the way to asking for one during the induction process. The medical professionals took it out of my hands. My DH and I were only disappointed that we didn’t get to see DS immediately after birth because I was under general anaesthetic but we’re both just so relieved he’s here and healthy.

I’m now 4 weeks in recovery and it has most definitely proven not to be the easy route. My two vaginal deliveries had much quicker recoveries. My DH has been brilliant at supporting me and making sure I don’t overdo it. I’m frustrated that I can’t drive and have to rely on others so much but no one is making me feel bad for that.

Your husband sounds like a twat and I would seriously think about having any more children with him considering his attitude.

Your baby was delivered in a medically safe way. It is reasonable that you may feel disappointed that your birth did not go the way you thought but your husband being “disappointed” - well he can F off.