C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision

It's not the baby blues
You should expect emotional support
You made the right decision

I had the same birth experience you did, but for other reasons, my ex took the shine of my happiest moment. I never forgave him. Neither should you.

From all the things I have read on MN this pissed me off from 0 to 100 the second I read what your H said. I literally would have kicked mine out if he had said anything like that. You didn't choose easy way! You made the decision to keep your baby and yourself safe. Your twat H should go through pregnancy himself and give birth before dishing out shit like that.

You’ve delivered a lovely health baby. He should be over the moon and nothing else. You made the absolute right call. You made the decision that kept your baby the safest, anyone who thinks you should make any other choice is a lunatic

I would find the feistiest midwife around and tell them what he said to you and then let them explain to him just how unreasonable he is. You and your baby are fit and well. That is all that matters.

He's a dick.
You free a baby and you chose what you felt to be the safest option for getting her out, and he's DISAPPOINTED in you?? Tell him to grow his own bloody baby next time.

I had a c sec because of the heart rate dips. Refusing because I wanted to be a "real woman" and make my man proud 🤮🤮 would have killed our baby.

Ask him of he'd had prefer for you to refuse and the baby die instead.

And to add I then had twins a few years later, absolutely no issues with my pregnancy and I could had gone for a vaginal delivery if I'd wanted but decided a c sec was the best option for all my children

Dear God, what an absolutely awful man your husband is. I ended up with an emergency c-section following a 46 hour labour and the first thing my husband said to me was how bloody proud of me he was for going through all that for our child.

He needs a reality check. It doesn't matter HOW baby was delivered as long as she and yourself are safe and healthy. Ive had a C-section and let me tell you it is certainly NOT the easy way out.

Fucking he'll, I'm furious on your behalf. I had a similar experience of a good pregnancy but he wet overdue by 11 days and being ivf the dates were bang on so placenta may have failed soon, ao they induced. Absolutely botch job, dilated and contravted then no room in labour ward for 3 days. Finally got in, exhausted by then from 4 nights on the wards, 8 hours labour with a 10lbs back to back baby ending in emergency section at 3am. He was so big and in wrog position if tbis was 100 years earlier we'd have probably died.

Completely blew apart even my chilled out go with the flow birth plan, and made the fjrst few weeks of hormone let down 10x worse. I still lament and grieve for the birth I didn't get, but if my husband didn't support me and grieve along with I don't know how I'd have coped. He was horrified at what id had to go through, and felt guilt that he couldnt do anything but stand by and hold my hand. He took on a huge amount if not all of the housework, cooking etc afterwards too as well as splitting the night with me looking after the baby as he was refluxy and had a severe tongue tie so couldn't breast feed.

How unhelpful and downright cruel of him to say those things to you. He has no idea what carrying a baby, birthing it via abdominal surgery you then have to recover from painfully while trying to see to a newborn, and then the maelstrom of emotions that flood you afterwards does to a woman. He's adding to your already overflowing cup of regret when he should be taking it from you.

You've done amazingly well and I hope he changes his tune soon as now more than ever being a team is so vital :(

Wow. Just wow.
I'd love to see him have major surgery and be expected to look after a child hours after.

c section is birth.
all births are hard and there is no easy option.

Wow and here he goes, those red flags are waving now if they weren’t before! What an absolute dick head he is for saying those things/making you feel like this. Surely the babys safe delivery and mum being ok are priority here? Dont ever feel that having a c-section is the easy option. Imo having vaginal births with mine, id see a c-section as the most difficult in terms of recovery. You did everything right, the medical staff advised this. Youve got a right one here 😞

and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties

What. An. Absolute. Cunt.
Any other words would just be salad dressing. Also, glad to hear he ‘helps’ with his new child. He should be awarded a medal. Good grief, why do you have such a low bar with your tolerance and expectation for these things? You should also not be disappointed with yourself (apart from putting up with your DH), you birthed your child safely and did the utmost to minimise harm to them and yourself, that’s something to be very proud of!

I voted YABU, but I meant that YABU to be disappointed in yourself!

What a STRANGE view?

I had what sounds to be, an almost identical experience with my first baby. I was induced at 36 weeks, because the baby was so big, and I had put on 5 stone and I was showing signs of gestational diabetes. Some 20 hours later, baby still wasn't out, vital signs were dropping, and I was rushed to theatre for an emergency C section.

Baby was born safely. I could not care whatsoever that he arrived by C section. ALL that matters is that he was delivered safe and well. Have you considered the alternative? What if your DD hadn't survived, because you waited too long to deliver? That is unthinkable, isn't it?

Said baby is now 27 years old, and a wonderful son. My second baby, I did expect to be delivered by C Section, but actually it was a vaginal delivery, and quite fast at 6 hours. Horrendously painful, and I was left with so many stitches down below, that the nurse wouldn't tell me how many. My lovely daughter, is now 25.

It doesn't matter how you deliver a baby, as long as it's done safely and the baby survives. I have never understood why anyone would compare delivery methods. Who cares? You are alive, you baby is alive, that's ALL that matters.

As for this :

DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties

These two statements seem contradictory. One the one hand you chose the "easy option", on the other hand "you have more difficulties"? So which one is it? What the absolute fuck does he know anyway? How very DARE he question the way in which you delivered HIS baby, whilst he was stood there doing sweet FA. I can't believe that any decent man would make these comments, it's got to be one of THE worst things I've read on here, and that's saying something.

Having had both types of birth, neither is a easy option. They both bring difficulties. C Section, you have to get over major abdominal surgery, and are usually left with a visible scar. Vaginal delivery tears your under carriage apart. Both equally horrendous things, that NO MAN on this earth will ever experience or understand the ramifications of.

I really hope you show him this thread. And for goodness sake, tear him a new arsehole if he DARES to question how you delivered his baby. Cheeky bastard. I've never met him, and have an urge to push him down a steep flight of stairs. MEN!

That oxytocin drip is evil. You had a 3 day labour and now have a c section to recover from nothing about that is easy. Having a baby means growing it inside you too it not just the labour. You have done well. Your husband can jog on

It is not the easy option, it's a different option used to deliver babies in distressing circumstances. Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
Your husband needs a head wobble. Idiot.

Your husband is a twat! Don't you feel guilty for making sure your baby was born safely! Major surgery is not an easy way out FFS.
I hope he apologies for his comments and that your recovery goes well, take it easy OP and congratulations on your lovely new baby.

YABU as there is nothing wrong with having a c section and there is no easy way to have a baby. It’s totally reasonable and normal to expect support and you shouldn’t waste any further time being disappointed.

I’d be tunnelling my anger at your DH at a divorce solicitor for that! Who the fuck does he think he is?

I know CS is not an easy option but so what if it was and you chose not to spend hours in painful labour before pushing a human being out through your fanjo? It's a perfectly valid choice.

I really cannot see his point if view at all. Was he wanting to see you go through pain?

I would have a serious think about having any more children with this man. He is not a supportive or loving husband.

Your husband is an arse. You haven't in any way failed or taken the easy option and I would make it clear to him how hurtful his comments are. Would he prefer a brain damaged child?

Very curious as to what his answer would be if you pointed at DD and asked him if, many years from now, if she had to have a c-section to give birth, if he would tell her she took the easy way out.
You've had MAJOR SURGERY. That he's clearly done NO RESEARCH ON despite you being pregnant??
I bet he's a dick about other stuff too.

Op of I was within range of your dh I'd rage at him so hard he wouldn't know what hit him. The "easy option" is to spout absolute judgemental bollocks about the woman who has just grown and birthed your child! You did what the majority of women would do op and you did it under extreme pressure. Congratulations on your beautiful baby. Good luck with the husband, I'm going to hope he is just emotional and exhausted and will quickly get over himself.

Your labour story is almost a carbon copy of mine although I did have the drop for a while. The drip made my labour pains very intense and I was struggling. I also had a section and whilst I occasionally wonder what it would have been like to deliver vaginally (DD is 3) I wonder more what would potentially have happened to her if we hadn’t gone to theatre. Your baby is here safe and well and honestly that is all that matters.

As for your DH, he sounds like a right prize!

Tell the sperm donor - no uterus - no opinion. I’m sorry that you married such a prince. Enjoy your baby and make plans to leave. He won’t improve or suddenly realise what an arse he has been.

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here. He is disappointed? It beggars belief that he had said this to you.

DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip

He’s got a healthy baby. He should be really bloody grateful. Men like this are beyond the pale.

I mean pretty much this!
Sounds like you made absolutely the right choice for you and your baby and your DH should fuck off. You are very vulnerable at the minute, he should be supporting you emotionally after what you’ve been through not dragging you down.
I would like to see him fucking try grow and birth a baby! Prick!