C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

Why are you even considering having more children with this man - is that fair for the children to have a father who is a prized cunt? No.

First off, stop feeling disappointed in yourself. You 100% did the best thing for you and your baby.

There are lots and lots of women who have had loads of medical interventions to get pregnant, keep pregnant, give birth and keep themselves and their babies healthy afterwards,. He needs to grow up.

If a bit of his body wasn't working 100% and his life was at risk, would he get a doctor to help him?

Once you've stopped feeling disappointed in yourself get angry, tell him he's being disgraceful and you don't want to hear another peep out of him about it. You might want to enlist your midwife if you don't feel up to doing it yourself.

Easy way out? You think your recovery is easy? He's a twat. They don't recommend a c section lightly. Would he rather you didn't get induced, refused c section and you or baby died? Would that be more worth it for him?

You grew, carried and delivered his child. 9 months of hard hard work, now you're raising his child while recovering from major surgery. You're a rock star. What did he do? Jack shit. Don't put all your feelings over the journey you've had so far and will going forward on the moments of delivery.

Having a c section is so far away from being the easy way out, the thought might as well be on another planet. I actually haven't had one but the amount of respect I have for people who have been through one, dealt with the recovery from the surgery whilst looking after a new born is huge. And that is without shit comments from a twat DH who should be supporting you during this time! My friends CS was horrific and scary, leave the DH and keep with your pride and knowledge that you made the right decision for you AND your daughter. Good luck OP

A live baby and mother is the best outcome from birth , it really doesn't matter how the baby arrives. Have you spoken to any one about it? Maybe a debrief from your maternity team would help if they do that. The problem here is your husband, he's not giving you support can you sit him down and explain to him how he is making you feel, is there a community midwife /public health nurse you could reach out to

WTF? How dare he use this as a stick to beat you with. You made an incredibly hard decision for the wellbeing of your baby primarily. Fwiw, it sounds like you did exactly the right thing and avoided a more urgent CS. He should be proud of you and please don't for a second feel a moment of disappointment in yourself. You got your beautiful baby here safely and went through a scary and big op to do so. I'm proud of you for that . Please look after yourself during your recovery.

Dear Lord. Your husband is a prick, isn't he?
I have a friend who is a Consultant in Obs & Gynae, and she says 'a successful birth is one with a live mother, and live baby(babies)'. I wasn't able to have kids, but I always think of her saying that. Surely he needs to give himself a bit of a slap, and just be glad that you are both alive and healthy.
I'd echo what others say - he hasn't 'helped'; he's parented his own child.

I think both of you are bad to think this way, him more awful. Why do you think it's a disappointment??
Do you know, there is no medal or brownie points for having a VB. No woman is a better woman or mother for having a VB. You really don't get a prize for that.
If you and your baby are safe and healthy then that is the only prize. Your dh is a real idiot for thinking it's some sort of disappointment and you need to change your way of thinking too.
The only person who I know who thought she was superior having a no intervention, natural birth is suffering with major prolapse and other complications from a VB. There are risks to both but don't kid yourself thinking a woman is better for having a 'natural' birth.
I had two Electives and it was such a calm, planned and enjoyable delivery.

Medical intervention to stop
you both dying in labour = ‘easy way out”

And as for ‘you can only blame yourself for your difficulties’ re: c-section, is he aware of the damage a baby can cause arriving vaginally?

I was induced OP and I regret not insisting upon a c-section because the birth caused such damage (physical, psychological, emotional…). A vaginal birth is not always ‘best’.

Less of the animal slurs. Pigs don't behave like this piece of shit

Op I think your vote is a bit unclear.

I voted you are being unreasonable for feeling like you do. You haven't failed etc. The baby got here and is lovely and healthy

A. Your baby was showing signs of distress.
B. You vagina is undamaged.

C. You and your baby escaped forceps or ventouse (which can cause initial bruising and misshapen head).

You made the right choice.

Your husband is a monumental piece of shit
Congratulations on your baby ❤️

What did I just read?? Op, you have done the most amazing thing in the world, you grew another human, sacrificing your body to bring them into this world. Your husband should be worshipping the ground you walk on right now. Who the fuck is he to be disappointed in you?! I'm absolutely appalled.

Do you have parents or family nearby or a friend you can talk to? You are recovering from major surgery and dealing with caring for a newborn/possibly establishing breastfeeding. Your husbands job is everything else. He's not helping you, he is doing the bare minimum he can to parent HIS child and care for his wife.

As for you feeling disappointed in yourself please don't, you made the best decision for you and your baby, a c section is definitely not the easy way out.

How do you know he's disappointed?

Your husband can get fucked. Don't have any more children with him. I would go as far as a LTB for this. Congratulations on your new baby though xx

You must not be disappointed in yourself and I can’t believe your ignorant husband. We were in a similar situation but baby was too far down for c section to be first option (I asked as we were being wheeled to theatre). We were taken to theatre for trial of forceps / c section prep. They did get DS out with forceps but not without significant damage to me, shoulder dystocia, and DS being resuscitated. DH still traumatised by the whole thing and blood pouring everywhere. You absolutely did the right thing. I’m requesting a section next time and DH is fully supportive.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby. Your husband needs a boot up the ass without pain relief. When YOU are ready if YOU want it might be helpful to talk through the birth with someone. I had a distressing first section and went on to a fabulous vbac so nothing is set in stone. But that's for down the road. For now he should be waiting on you and and foot and appreciating everything you have done. We had also planned natural birth etc but when things went south I got nothing but support from my OH who was just dazed with relief we all came through it. No other answer accepted

Tell the midwife what he said in front of him then sit back and watch her hand him his arse with both hands. Dick head.

Men like this are absolutely disgusting.

You did what you thought was best in the moment, according to your intuition. Nothing to be disappointed about.

Wishing you and your baby happiness and good health.

It never ceases to amaze me how cunty some men are.

I know you have a brand new baby @Lessonsinchemistry6 and the very last thing you want to have to think about it ending your marriage but I guarantee you, this is just a taste of things to come.

You shouldn’t be disappointed you have carried a baby and given birth - that’s amazing. I had to have csection with no choice as it was a risk to my life - my husband never passed judgement or comment, before or after. He afterwards supported me as any partner would and didn’t help me with my child - but parented like I did.

Your husband is a twat.

Pal she said in her post issues with placenta were identified. I agree that inductions are too frequently offered for post-dates, but this wasn't that. There's the argument to be made OP should have been advised of the option to just go straight to elective section instead of induction (as someone who has had one induced and one natural labour, both ending in emergency c-section, if I had my time again I'd probably go for that tbh) - but the idea she should have just left her baby in there when they had identified an actual issue is not helpful.

OP made the best decisions she oculd, with the information she had at the time, and her baby is here, alive and well. The only problems she now has are her own disappointment (which is serious and real and will take time for her to process) and her husband's absolute cruelty, which you don't even mention in your rush to condemn induction. Have a heart, eh?

Wtf this makes me so angry on so many levels. Your husband is a fucking idiot. Enjoy your beautiful baby that you have grown and delivered safely.

Congratulations on your new arrival. You are going to be an amazing mum. You've already made the best choices for your baby when it was at risk despite the toll a c section would take on your body. You have nothing to be disappointed in. Except your husband. I'm pretty disappointed in him, truth be told. If I'm being generous it was maybe just that he had an idea in his mind and he has to realign what he thought was going to happen vs what had to happen and sometimes, however utterly unreasonable, that can take a little time to process for some (unreasonable) people. Be kind to yourself op. If he is not normally a twat, you can maybe have a conversation about how it made you feel when its not all so fresh. Congratulations again!