C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

C sections are most definitely not the easy option and given you'd already been warned a c section was reasonably likely why put yourself through more pain/be absolutely exhausted/little one be at a higher risk rather than take the option that you felt most appropriate at the time?

And not only that even if none of that applied and you chose a c section from the off it's still not the easy option, it's still major surgery and you've still spent 9 months growing your child and the most important thing is that they are in your arms and not the method of delivery.

It is completely valid for you to feel upset nd disappointed you didn't get the birth you envisioned but you are the only one who gets to feel like that, not your husband.

I'd recommend if you feel it will help in a few months a birth reflection - you can contact the maternity department and request this.

What an absolute cock.

Sorry you're married to this man.

Congrats on your baby and I hope your recovery goes well, get rid once your feeling better.

Can’t believe what I’ve read. You’ve had major surgery and given him his first child and he’s ‘making comments’? Seriously, you need to take a step back and see what an incredible (and hard!) thing you’ve just been through and the bottom line is you and your daughter are both safely here.

Your husband does not get to pass comment and I’d shut that down immediately and for what it’s worth, maybe he’s the one not worthy of being the father of your future children, however they may arrive into the world! What an arse.

Your Dh can have an opinion on how a woman births a child once he’s able to grow and birth one himself.

FWIW - he sounds like an absolute fucking nonce

Jesus if I had an emergency c-section Dh would just be grateful me and the baby were ok. As it was I decided to have an elective c-section and not once did he think he had any authority over the matter. Parenting is a joint activity, how she came out only happens to me so it was my decision how that would happen.

Your husband is such an utter prick.

I can’t vote because you might interpret it the wrong way but your husband is being very unreasonable and I’m so sorry for you.

You had an awful experience and made an informed and very sensible decision that minimised risk to your baby at that point and guaranteed major abdominal surgery for you.

He is totally out of order. Perhaps you could raise his “concerns” together with your health visitor or midwife at their next visit.

Don’t question yourself for a second. In your shoes I’d struggle to forgive him.

My first thought - fuck him.

Who does he think he is?! You carried a child for 9 months, was in labour for a few days and ended up being sliced open, and he’s disappointed. Fuck him.

He’s probably got this romanticised notion of how birth should be - you there in pain and him being the loving husband holding your hand. Well reality isn’t a romance novel and all that matters is you and baby are safe and ok. What a dick.

your H is a vile bully. How is the relationship otherwise?

and congratulations on your baby.

What kind of man would say something like that. Thats such a horrible thing to think or say, I really hope you don’t bring any more children to the world with this man

Oh and if anyone should be disappointed in the scenario it should be you to find you have an insensitive, cruel, entitled man for a husband. I’d be throwing his comments right back at him and say he’s not exactly living up to the dream either!

Your husband sounds fucking awful. He doesn’t get to be disappointed and make comments about you taking the ‘easy way out.’ As if having major abdominal surgery is easy lol what a bastard. I say that as someone who had a vaginal birth and then a planned C section. Sorry but the C Section was way more intense than the vaginal birth

What a wanker. Having a baby is scary. You need to make quick decision. If he thinks being cut from hip to hip through 7 layers is the easy option he can fuck right off. You have just had a baby. You are vulnerable. He needs to be supportive or it will cause huge resentment in your marriage. I wouldn't have anymore kids with him. He's a pig.

There’s only one course of action here. Tell all of the women in your husband’s life how terribly disappointed he is, and then stand back and watch them tear him a new one.

WTAF?

Your DH has an alive and presumably healthy baby and wife, who followed medical advice to stay that way! In what way is that disappointing? He’d rather you had a natural birth but you and/or your baby ended up disabled or dead?

Honestly OP this is truly awful. I hope you have someone, your mum, a friend, a midwife you can talk to in real life because absolutely no one is disappointed in you right now

I am so angry on your behalf OP. I don't understand how your husband could watch you go through all that then be such a cunt to you.

I had a csection under similar circumstances then went on to have two VBACs, the induction/csection was my most difficult birth by far and I felt just the same as you did. But be proud that you chose the best thing for your baby, he should be so proud of you.

I would honestly consider LTB, he is not a good man.

He thinks it was the easy option? What a knob.

You grew and gave birth to an entire human being. It does not matter how that birth happened, you are amazing and I would like to give your “D”H a piece of my mind. You have nothing to feel bad about at all!!!

You are unreasonable for feeling guilty about the C section choice. It is your body, your choice.

Your DH is unreasonable for telling you that the V section is the easy way out. When he can birth, then he can decide. I've made my birthing choice and didn't ask DH what he thought, I told him "I'm having this".

Induction is not easy and can easily lead to emergency C section. My OB prefers C section than early induction.

Don't feel guilty, enjoy your baby and let him pick up the slack because you're still recovering.

Well your husband is an absolute prick. But if you want you can tell him that I've had a c-section and a vaginal birth and the vaginal birth is the easy one. Even with a 2 degree tear and bruised coxyxx it was easier than a c-section. Make him watch a video of a c-section operation and then beg your forgiveness on his knees.

Op your husband is a massive arsehole and I think you need to deal with that in time but for now please take care of yourself, especially your mental health because you are 3 days pp with a very unsupportive husband and that's going to take it's toll.

Every time he tries to talk about the birth I would refuse to discuss it because nothing good is going to come out of that conversation.

You did not take the easy option, you have had major surgery and he should be supporting you and thanking you for bringing your child into the world safely.

Take care of yourself x

Seriously read your post back to yourself OP and really think about what you have written.

Your husband is blaming you because you were not able to continue with a vaginal birth after 3 days of labour and with your health and your child's health being at risk. He sounds like an absolute wanker.

He is not annoyed with you because you had a c section, he is annoyed because his wifebot 3000 now needs additional support as a result of that c section and he does not want to step up and be a husband and father.

Does "in sickness and in health" mean nothing to him?

And stop with the narrative of him "helping you". He is not helping YOU, he is parenting HIS child. He is looking after HIS wife. If he did not want to be a husband and father then he did not have to go down this road. Expect more. Value yourself more. Value your child's needs more.

This is absolutely awful. I'm so sorry your husband has not been supportive. His reaction is not normal and deeply disrespectful after the experience you've had. In similar circumstances my husband told me repeatedly how glad he was that I made the choice which meant that our baby was born healthy. Please speak to a midwife or GP also if you feel low about the birth.

Fuck him and his opinion on anything from now on OP, what a stain of a man.

You did not take the easy route, far from it. I can tell you now that 19 hours on the drip plus an emergency section is not the way to go, for the baby or for you, and you absolutley made the choice I should have, and you made it for valid reasons.

Is there any way you can get away from him? Can you go and stay with your mum or sister? What a cretin. It's not you, it's most definitely him and I want to come round to your house and put him under the patio myself.

Put yourself first, anyone that's making you doubt yourself at this point should be far far away from you, get someone else that you trust next to you.

I 100% agree with @ChangeAgain2 , what a selfish wanker.
Congratulations on having a beautiful baby, it’s a great pity your DH is so unforgivably ignorant.

This is when you discover who you married. And he discovers he married a Tiger Mother. This is the first (?) of many battles you will have with the sperm donor for your child. He knows his contribution to this child lasted a nanosecond doesn't he?.. if not tell him.. clearly.. in little words his brain will understand..
Do not let him put you down or doubt what you have just achieved. You are wonderful! Your body is wonderful!
Congratulations ... you now have 2 kids to look after..