Hen do dilemma

[Anonymoususe]

Invited to friends hen do about 6 months ago, paid my part and not heard anything since?! Also have not received an invitation to the wedding, and the hen do is coming up soon. Have messaged bride asking when the wedding is but no reply. Starting to think I’m not actually invited to the wedding 😂 it’s all very odd. Would I be unreasonable to not attend the hen if I’m not actually invited to the wedding? It hasn’t cost a lot so far, but would involve overnight hotel, travel, drinks food etc worked out it would cost a minimum of £250 for one night. It would would dictate the whole weekend & we don’t get very much time together as a family. Also a cost that I can’t hugely afford at the moment! Obviously I may still be invited, but it is strange to not have had an invite yet right? And no reply from bride? DH thinks I’m overthinking it and should still go even if I / we are not invited to wedding. It would be nice to celebrate with her, and I will be fine with no invite if it’s just a case of having a small wedding due to cost (weddings can be ridiculously expensive) but would like her to explain that to me. At the moment I’m just making a whole lot of assumptions! Have tried asking about wedding planning etc and organising catch ups but it’s all been very vague and slow responses on her part.

I'd just think about whether you want to go to the hen or not. Forget about everything else. You say you'd like to celebrate with her, so go.

This is like catnip on here. I’m with your husband though. Wait and find out. Stop stressing and obsessing.

Phone the bride, don’t just message her. Who did you pay the deposit to? Have you contacted them?

The problem is I feel it’s a lot of money to spend if I wouldn’t be valued enough as a friend to be invited to the wedding or evening part. I guess that’s why I’m stressing about it as perhaps I thought we were closer than we actually are. 6 months ago she said they have a date and to expect an invite soon. The hen is in 10 days time so I really need to decide whether I fork out for a hotel or not pretty soon…

I would have expected communication about hen do arrangements by now? Eg, arrival time, how everyone is getting there, accommodation etc. If you've not received anything about the hen do, I would be worried that it's actually going ahead? Or have you been ghosted?

Are you sure you are actually invited to the hen do / it's going ahead? Surely you would be on some group chat of something talking about all the details and / or paid towards it if it's in 10 days time?

She knows that!

She hasn't paid for accommodation, travel, food or drinks.

This is a really weird situation to find yourself in OP, I’d drop the bride one more message and then unless she comes back v quickly to confirm plans for the hen and a wedding invitation assume that you weren’t going to either hen do or wedding. No way I’d go on a hen do for a wedding I wasn’t invited to.

(Also, you can have a nice “treat” weekend with your family with the £250 you would have spent!)

Invited to friends hen do about 6 months ago, paid my part and not heard anything since?!

Do you mean you haven't had any details about the hen or just the wedding? If it's the hen, I'd be firing off an abrupt message to whoever is organising asking for my money back!

If it's the wedding, I think you need to accept you haven't been invited.

What have you paid towards?

I can't believe there is no chatter with 10 days to go. Won't that make it bank holiday weekend? Travel and hotels busy?

Do you not know anyone else attending to ask?

This. I’m a bit confused about which event your post largely centres around!

Who is organising the hen / who did you pay?
Do you know anyone else going?

maybe the wedding is off…

Okay, just seen you haven't actually booked hotel or even travel yet. I think if you haven't had anyone from the hen party chasing you to commit with just 10 days to go, you're off the list for that too! Have you actually spoken to the bride in the last six months at all?

Here we go again - what is it with brides to be these days?

I’ve not had any details about the hen, or the wedding! Last time I spoke to hen organiser was when I paid the money (they acknowledged they got the money). I’d be expecting to hear soon about that but hadn’t really worried too much until reading some of the replies! I know another person who’s in the same position as me and not had a wedding invite either. The wedding was definitely still on 2 weeks ago because we spoke about it so I doubt it’s been called off 🤷‍♀️. I probably should have chased all this up sooner in hindsight but just assumed she was busy with planning etc

Is hen organisers also the hen or a different person?

How often have you been chasing?! You've paid £250 and not heard a peep since? There must be a hen night chat going on - are you not on it? Wedding-wise, you are clearly not invited, but you seriously need to sort out getting your money back. Has the other person not been sent details about the hen either?

I'm really baffled you've just let it slide.

Just decide whether or not you want to go on the hen, and act accordingly. The Mn norm of ‘going on the hen only if you then get a wedding invitation (‘to compensate’?)’ makes very little sense to me, especially as attending most weddings will also incur a further cost.

Message the hen organiser about the hen. The bride might not know details

Agree it's weird to not have a group chat yet if it's in 10 days

When is the wedding?

Phone her?! That would be so awkward if she isn’t invited

Can you contact whoever is organising the hen? Agree it’s strange you’ve not got any concrete plans yet

I think the organiser has run off with your cash