To not want to pay?

[Skint2022]

Unfortunately I can no longer attend an event due to childcare issues. I have asked the group if they know anybody else that could take my place. Nobody has replied on the group chat. They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay. The event is 5 months away so I’m not calling off last minute and I’ve already paid a large chunk in the form of a deposit which I’m not expecting back. I thought that was the whole point of a deposit? Anyway, should I suck it up and pay the £100 or is it reasonable to ask everyone else to pay an extra £10 if they can’t find anyone else?

They shouldn't be out of pocket because you can't go. Annoying but it is what it is.

Don’t pay it. It’s not your responsibility to subsidise their trip. You’ve already said you’ll forfeit the deposit and that’s enough.

@Biggybigbiggles yeah I know of course you’re right but I think I thought they’d be more understanding of my predicament and perhaps at least say they were sorry to hear I can’t now go and maybe offer to split the cost for the sake of £10 each but as it stands it’s feels like they couldn’t care and tough I’ve got to pay. Maybe this is more about me feeling hurt than having to pay.

They shouldn’t have to pay because you cancelled. If you’ve only paid a deposit you should be able to cancel without paying the balance. Check the T&Cs to see what’s owed.

If the full balance needs to be paid, it would be down to you to sell the ticket if you can or pay for it.

YABU. They shouldn’t have to pay more because you have to cancel plans. Have you looked at how the deposit works?

What are you paying for? Shared accommodation, tickets that have already been purchased, food and drink?

@MrsCherryCrest it’s a mixture of things. The £100 left is probably the balance of the accommodation. I know I’d be the same if the shoe was on the other foot but for the sake of £10 I think I’d be okay with paying it. An extra £30/40 then I’d be pissed off. It’s not a hen do or a birthday or anything. The group is mixed and I know that they could find someone else to join in but almost feel like they just can’t be bothered. Another person pulled out last month and they wanted their deposit back too! They found someone else but now that doesn’t seem to be an option.

What happens if a cascade of people drop out? Should one person be left with the entire bill?

If its a accommodation payment then yes I think the decent thing to do is to pay it if not you did pay a deposit to be honest and I would maybe offer a smaller amount like £50 towards it having said that they have been proper shitty towards you not replying on group chat regardless and you haven't dropped this on them at the last minute

Not the point of your thread but, why can't you sort out childcare with more than 5 months notice?

Is it a shared hobby or something?

Can you find anyone you
Take your place?

I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay.

You are being unreasonable and need to pay.

Equally they may be hurt that they booked accommodation based on the number of people who agreed to go and now you expect them to pay for your predicament.

It sounds like you’re testing them and they’ve seen through you.

She may have only messaged them today, give them a chance. It can be really awkward on a group chat to speak up to a CF and say you need to pay what you owe.

Are you including yourself in the £10 share?

You've got five months to find someone to take your place or sorry it child care, otherwise you do need to pay I think.

That's not the reason at all! 5 months and no child care but agreed to it and 6 months to go has child care. No one is taking rhat as a a proper reason it's pathetic.

5 months away and childcare issues? Can you provide more context?

@exomoon Just to clarify, I didn’t actually ask anyone to pay my share. I simply said in the group chat that I could no longer make it, really sorry type thing and wondered if they knew of anyone else that would like to go. Then radio silence.

So you agreed to go. Someone found accommodation based in the numbers coming and costs shared based on that. If you had said you couldn't come initially they wouldn't have needed to find accommodation with space for you too.
If I was then told I had to stump up more because someone had been disorganised enough not to check they could come or was flaky enough to drop out I'd be pretty pissed off.
In your situation I'd pay up but then put out a plea to ask if there's someone who could take your place and if so consider it a bonus.
If you could have found childcare it would be a sunk cost anyway so you haven't lost anything.
It's likely they needed to put down a deposit for the whole place to secure it. It still means the rest is due unless they cancel altogether and everyone loses out.

Thanks everyone. Sounds like I ought to pay it. Will leave it a while for now and hopefully they will be able to fill the space.

What happened with the childcare arrangements? Any chance you could get alternative help?

I know that they could find someone else to join in

Why can't you find someone? You're making your problem into their problem. If a person leaves a rental contract early they have to find someone to take their place. This is similar in that the ideal solution (as you've cited) is for someone else to go, but you should be the one to source them.

You would be incredibly unreasonable to expect them to cover your cost when you’ve dropped out.

It doesn’t matter how much notice, the commitment to the accommodation has been made and you’d said yes.

They’ve already had to find someone to step in because someone flaked out, they’re probably rolling their eyes at it happening a second time.

You need to find someone to take your place.

Also why not try and find alternative childcare since it's 5 mths away?

Yes possibly