To not want to pay?

[Skint2022]

Unfortunately I can no longer attend an event due to childcare issues. I have asked the group if they know anybody else that could take my place. Nobody has replied on the group chat. They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay. The event is 5 months away so I’m not calling off last minute and I’ve already paid a large chunk in the form of a deposit which I’m not expecting back. I thought that was the whole point of a deposit? Anyway, should I suck it up and pay the £100 or is it reasonable to ask everyone else to pay an extra £10 if they can’t find anyone else?

It's your responsibility to pay what you owe. You made a commitment which you are now breaking.

You can dig your heels in and refuse, as some have suggested... If you don't wish to be invited to anything in the future. I think it depends on how much you value the friendship of this group. They've already dealt with one drop out before you... What happens if more people drop out? How many peoples shares should the remaining people be willing to take on?

How would it be difficult? If the whole thing was £50 deposit per person and £100 balance, you find someone to replace you who pays the full £150.

The OP should fine someone then. It's not the group who should have to fine them because that's going to get harder and harder as inevitably other people find they can't go closer to the time.

Yeah, Sorry. Unless you can find a replacement to take your place, you need to pay up, if the full balance is payable.
I get it, it's annoying, but others shouldn't be out of pocket, because you can't go.

I think it depends on whether the deposit is lost or is now going to subsidise the others/can be used against someone agreeing to attend between now and then. I always try to put myself in the shoes of as many of the others as I can. How would you feel from their perspective if you were being completely honest? I don't think it's fair to put the burden of distributing remaining owed to others but equally I don't think it's fair for them to be enriched by you dropping out so I think we need more information.

Is it the type of event where everyone needs to know each other?

If not then you should make some effort to find your replacement and write off your deposit as an incentive for them to attend.

I'm genuinely stunned you think your friends should suck up your costs. I'm comfortably off but if someone asked me to do that I would either never go with that group again, or insist that the person who dropped out and got their money back wasn't asked. If there were genuine emergency circumstances- say a death in the family or major issue- then I'd gladly pay the extra tenner and probably chip in for a concert t-shirt as well, but childcare issues 5 months in advance is not that.

You could try again on the group "If anyone knows someone that could take my place, they only need to pay the balance of £100" That might elicit more responses than your original post.

Probably. They don't want to have to pay for this.

Did she say it was a villa?

Its would be plain daft to go to all of that trouble even if was it a realistic option,.

Suppose it was a villa who do you expect is going to try and find an equivalent option for one fewer people that magically happens to be £100 cheaper with no impact on the deposit already paid to accomodations no 1 and metting all of the requirements?

You need to pay for your own cancellation. Its tough but there it is.

I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to pay an extra contribution because someone couldn't get childcare 5 months ahead of the trip.

I'd also be furious if I had to share a room with someone I didn't know very well because they 'bought' the spare place.
Particularly if their attitude came across as 'oh well, you guys can cover the extra cost between you'.

If a good friend explained to me that she had a big problem that she couldn't have foreseen, and that regrettably she was unable to come on the trip but would be paying her share, I'd possibly be talking with the others to see if we could re-jig the budget to help friend out.

@shoppingshamed I was responding to another poster who assumed villa and saying that the others should just find a different one.

🙄

Without you giving the full details about childcare it's hard to say, but with 5 months notice I'd have expected you to be able to find a way round these childcare issues. Or have anticipated them if you're already in a situation that makes it difficult (husband in the army or something). So that might be why no one has replied

Can’t quite believe how many people are saying she shouldn’t pay.

Theres been numerous hen party threads when one person drops out, and everyone says the person who drops out should pay their share.

5 months?! They’re probably thinking you’re taking the absolute piss - I absolutely would and I would also deduce you actually just don’t want to go anymore, because let’s be honest - 5 months is a MASSIVE amount of time. You should pay up.

I would not cover your cost OP because it starts with £10 to cover you. Then someone else drops out and it's another £12 (ish) to cover them - if we don't they may get upset your costs were covered by there's aren't.

If we cover them it could be another £15 to cover the next drop out etc.

I think the principle that everyone pays what they committed to regardless of whether they go or not it is a good one and the only really fair way to handle group bookings. The only exception would be if everyone agreed to drop out and you all lose the deposit.

I think it depends what that £100 covers. If it's share of cottage or similar, you need to pay. If it's meal or a separate hotel room or an activity which is booked per person, you should be able to cancel your attendance only and just lose your deposit if speak to the venue/activity provider directly.

It is odd that no one has replied, and quite rude. Unless there’s history/a backstory?
I’d expect a few ‘sorry to hear that’, ‘what a pity’ type comments, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect people to say ‘I’ll ask around and see if anyone else wants to come’. That’s a perfectly normal thing to do in these scenarios; it’s not ‘unpaid admin’

If you pull out, you find a replacement. Why should it be their job to do that work.

Also, I'd be very annoyed as I wouldn't believe you couldn't sort childcare with 5 months notice.

I think you're partly upset because Friend 1 got her deposit refunded no questions asked, but the same has not been offered to you.

However she was the first to drop out, and probably in everyone's minds the last. Your message has probably made people worry in case yet more people drop out and expect the remainder to cover the cost or find new people. The organiser is possibly regretting their decision to arrange this event with flaky people.

If you had been the first, you might have got the Rolls Royce treatment as well, I wouldn't take it personally.

YABU - sorry but you should always check that you can attend something before you commit to going.

This. This is what a deposit is for. Can you really make no other arrangements for childcare with 5 months notice?

No way I'd be paying

It's not everyone else's responsibility to subsidise OP cancelling either.

I think OP needs to be the person to find someone to replace them as not really the problem of the others

I wondered the same - and as a PP said, there may have been more response if OP had clarified she didn't expect the deposit back, especially as others have pulled out and have wanted this

Not the point of this thread, but this is why I would never want (even if they paid me) go on holiday with anyone else. Your freedom is lost, there is only so many days off work, you literally have to share your precious time with others, why????? What is this love of crowds?