To not want to pay?

[Skint2022]

Unfortunately I can no longer attend an event due to childcare issues. I have asked the group if they know anybody else that could take my place. Nobody has replied on the group chat. They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay. The event is 5 months away so I’m not calling off last minute and I’ve already paid a large chunk in the form of a deposit which I’m not expecting back. I thought that was the whole point of a deposit? Anyway, should I suck it up and pay the £100 or is it reasonable to ask everyone else to pay an extra £10 if they can’t find anyone else?

There is no childcare issue that cannot be resolved with 5 months notice - that's plenty of time to find someone, get to know them and get your child used to them. Citing childcare issues as a reason to pull out with 5 months notice will be heard and understood as "this friendship group is not important to me" so of course no one is particularly keen to cover your costs.

You have committed to pay.

May I ask how many children you have, and what their ages are?

5 months is enough time to sort out childcare.

I’m a teacher, currently doing tuition rather than school-teaching, CRB-checked & with no kids to look after at home. I’m good at building a quick rapport with children, risk assessment is second nature to me, and I know my way around a kitchen, nappies, bath times, bedtimes. Most children seem to like me. Special needs & learning difficulties are fine, unless there is a child prone to unmanageable violence, and who is big enough to do real damage.

I’m probably not the only one of my kind out there.

if you don’t want to waste your money, why not make some enquiries?

I'm thinking maybe 'can't find childcare' is a red herring. OP is in a sad situation, so maybe she actually doesn't want to attend the event at all.

Agreed, or possibly due to her current scenario, finding trustworthy childcare for an overnight stay is not something she has capacity to prioritise right now.

People are entitled not to go to things
for any reason, just not to expect others to pay for their cancellation.

Yes, and I think OP has acknowledged that. I'm getting bored of people not reading OP's posts. But I will stop watching the thread, which solves that!

Not true at all.

I just assumed a grandparent was lined up but is now in poor health and can't do it.

I honestly wouldn’t think twice about paying an extra £10 if one of my friends needed me to.

But what if the following week more people dropped out, and the holiday that was going to cost you £100 has now shot up to £150?

Or what if £100 was your limit, but everyone else says "it's just £10" and you can't afford that?

It's not as simple as giving your pal a tenner.

What a cheek to expect others to pay for you. Did you not read the terms.

I’d not pay - a deposit is to hold your holiday/ticket/place etc, if you can’t go you loose the deposit but no further money is paid.

Have you ever pre booked something in a group ? I assume not? The deposit is so you don’t need to pay it all up front, but you sign to commit to thr full fee.

How lucky you are to have such easy access to childcare! We don't all have this! Even with 5 months notice.

Maybe I’m just quite understanding of child care issues as it’s something I face myself. I’m also quite generous by nature 👍🏼

Yup our only option for overnight childcare would be a reluctant grandparent who's never done it before and lives 2.5 hours away. She probably would to help us out because she's lovely but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking and putting her on the spot.

I wouldn't leave them overnight with a stranger so I wouldn't hire someone. I guess we could hope that someone from nursery would do it for us, but that would cost a fortune.

It's just life with kids sometimes.

Yes hen parties! But we’ve only ever had hotel rooms that whilst one person did the booking for multiple rooms, if a room was no longer needed it would follow the normal loose a deposit and not pay the rest.

Oh absolutely, I am sympathetic towards anyone who has to change their plans because of childcare or work or life. Things change, it can be unavoidable.

I would also be able to afford to pay more to cover a pal. But just because you and I have that extra cash, doesn't mean everyone in the group does. So it wouldn't be fair of me to say :let's all pay £10 more to cover Anne's place...

That might be putting other people in a tight spot.

I am generous, but not with other people's cash.

I consider myself generous if someone is financially in need. So for example in our ladies trip someone lost their job and I suggested to the group ( without telling friend) that we could pay for her, but for various sensible reasons they didn't want to.

However here the OP hasn't said the payment will leave them struggling and seems to want the money more as a gesture of concern, rather than sheer necessity.

I'm afraid in that case I would be reluctant to pay out, although if everyone else did it I would pay the £10 more because I would hate the organiser to be out of pocket. I would be very reluctant to enter into any future group arrangements with OP if they insisted on getting their money back ( which she isn't).

@Lola2321 but it that room was a shared room and still needed because the other occupant was still going, what happens then?

Some posters seem to think this is a deposit you pay, then pay off the balance, like if you were booking through a travel agent, and if you decide not to go you just forfeit the deposit (depending on Ts&Cs)

Whereas for most things like this, IME it will be something like booking a house for the weekend, everyone chips in £x at the start and the full balance is due regardless of how many people end up going.

That’s different to booking a cottage. With a cottage etc if someone pulls out you’re still liable for the full amount. Sometimes they may be able to cancel but then they’d have to cancel the whole trip just because one person now can’t make it.