To not want to pay?

[Skint2022]

Unfortunately I can no longer attend an event due to childcare issues. I have asked the group if they know anybody else that could take my place. Nobody has replied on the group chat. They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay. The event is 5 months away so I’m not calling off last minute and I’ve already paid a large chunk in the form of a deposit which I’m not expecting back. I thought that was the whole point of a deposit? Anyway, should I suck it up and pay the £100 or is it reasonable to ask everyone else to pay an extra £10 if they can’t find anyone else?

It’s tricky . Realistically , it’s not fair on others to cough up because you aren’t going - a deposit for accommodation usually is just to secure it - for eg if it’s a 4 bed place the price is for that , not the number of people going , so they wouldn’t reduce the price because less people are going if it’s not a per person place .

However , I would personally be fine with paying an extra £10 if it meant someone wasn’t £100 out of pocket. So it’s down to them really , not nice for you to have to pay when not going but kind of just the way it is x

Hmm I'm not so sure I'd invite someone with your attitude!

Wanting your deposit back as well?

Would t that mean that everyone would have to cancel and find alternative accommodation? Wouldn't that be difficult in a large group?

Probably best you don't accept if such an invitation is extended to you.

Personally, I would be happy to absorb the extra tenner.

It won't just be an extra tenner though. In the next 5 months it's pretty likely a few others will have a reason not to go and if they all do what the OP is doing and expect the remainder of the group to cover their share then all of a sudden that extra tenner is significantly more. It sets the precedent that those still going will cover the costs because when the OP pulled out you did it for her.

YABU: pay up

If you don't want to pay then it rests on your shoulders to find someone to take your place. Why should your friends be out of pocket? Yabu.

If my friend said to me they couldn't attend in 5 months because they couldn't get childcare i would assume they just didn't want to go and i wouldn't be putting myself out of pocket so they weren't inconvenienced
Neither would i be inviting them to anything else

They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them.

They are probably surprised rather than not bothered. I would be if I was in the group. I would be thinking that the event is five months away.

I'm amazed that you think that other people should pay for something that you said you would do and that you have now decided that you won't do.

What is they all decide not to pay and you had to pay for the whole thing?

Well, I think you shouldn’t pay the extra £100. Fine to lose your deposit but you shouldn’t need to pay the next part.

Do you see any of this group in person often?

Maybe be a little bit proactive in trying to find a replacement yourself? Yes it would be nice if you had replies. But each individual isn't responsible, they will have different opinions, other things going on in their lives to think about, and maybe didn't want to be the first to reply and 'set the scene' or assume responsibility for sorting this out? Making noises about finding your own replacement will a) make it more likely a replacement is found so no one will be out of pocket, and b) make you look less flaky to the group.

Good luck 😊

I think you should pay. These kind of things can often be a nightmare to organise and the group doesnt need the extra inconvenience of trying to wotk out if everyone is happy to cover your costs.

Unfortunately, these things happen sometimes but its not fair on your friends to expect them to pay your share. You never know, they might offer to split it between them, but you shouldn't ask or expect

Depending on the type of accommodation and the activities, with five months notice I would expect that some adjustments could be made. Cancel a room or a smaller villa or even just the reduction in headcount may reduce costs if meals or excursions are included.

And IMO if you are not going and you have paid a deposit you are actually subsidizing them. They would have been paying the 10 pounds each plus your deposit divided by 10, if you had never even registered.

So who do you think should pay then? Why isn't it the PPs responsibility to pay her share?

How would it be difficult? If the whole thing was £50 deposit per person and £100 balance, you find someone to replace you who pays the full £150.

Could you not speak directly to the accommodation and get an answer on their ts and cs? No one else is going to do that for you.

Yes I also suspect the silence is people worrying about what happened if 1 or 2 others drop out over the next few months. Someone already has, now you.. and what discord might it create over what was supposedly meant to be a fantastic trip.

In an ideal world, do you actually want to still go if you could sort the childcare? What's your situation?

If the deposit was to secure the accommodation, it's a deposit to the host not to the group. By paying the deposit the whole group made a commitment to pay the whole amount. She has a 1/10 (or whatever) share in that. If she refuses to pay then her friends have to pay her share. Why should they?

Just go book a smaller villa for a large number of people and ensure it's £100 cheaper with one less person?

OP could of course take that time to source the magical villa?

As she's caused the issue!

I don't think is personal OP, you had said that another person pull out last month and even wanted the deposit. I think the group had had enough and is setting a boundary. You book it, you pay it.
No more hassle looking for extra people, paying extra etc.
I would be pissed off if I were in the group of people and some of the pull out with different demands etc.
I think you are paying the consequences of the first bad example they had.
Can you find someone yourself and swap? they may be ok with that.

You made a commitment and you seem to be cancelling for really flimsy reasons.

So yes you should have told the group you would pay the remaining amount in your message of cancellation.

I really don't get why you can't find childcare with 5 month notice and instead want to waste the money you have already paid and potentially lose friends...

They should not have to take the extra burden of finding someone new and having to rebook something smaller because you are not reliable.

She’s not subsiding their trip - her ‘portion’ will be the same whether or not she goes now.

The rest of the group are subsidising her decision to not go, if they cover the extra £100.

Because they will be enjoying a greater share of the facilities? Someone won't have to sleep on the pull out sofa bed, or share a double bed if its a shared house. If its a hotel I'd expect the OP's room can be cancelled eliminating the entire cost. Not really enough info but Id have thought with 5 months of notice a fix could be found

So who pays that then?

We need to know what the split of costs is.

When you say deposit is that your share of an official deposit from the vendor? Or just what your friends called the first payment.

If the deposit is for group accommodation it's irrelevant unless the whole group pulls out because it has to be paid for in full...If its for individual hotel rooms yours could be cancelled.

If you have already paid into a food and drink fund that can be redistributed
If you have bought an even ticket it may be able to be resold.....or not.

You need to message the person organising everything direct to say you would like to work through the costs....but ultimately you committed and you pulled out do they shouldn't be subsidising.

Unless the place is filled, you should pay.

The costs were calculated with your place included. They shouldn’t have to pay more because you can no longer come. That’s not their fault.

what if everyone dropped out apart from the organiser, is she expected to pick up the tab (approx a thousand pounds?).

Do you ever want to go away with this group again?

Think carefully how you handle this, and how it will impact your friendship going forwards.

They've already had one drop out and had the pain of fixing it, now you've done the same.

What if another drops out? How much are they expected to cover for those who won't do the right thing?

The quickest way to lose your friends