To not want to pay?

[Skint2022]

Unfortunately I can no longer attend an event due to childcare issues. I have asked the group if they know anybody else that could take my place. Nobody has replied on the group chat. They don’t seem bothered that I can’t attend but I’ve since spoken to a member and they are expecting me to pay the final balance which is £100. It would work out to be an extra £10 per attendee if they split my cost between them. I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable or not for not wanting to pay. The event is 5 months away so I’m not calling off last minute and I’ve already paid a large chunk in the form of a deposit which I’m not expecting back. I thought that was the whole point of a deposit? Anyway, should I suck it up and pay the £100 or is it reasonable to ask everyone else to pay an extra £10 if they can’t find anyone else?

Exactly! I would be bothered to find a replacement for someone that 5 months before pulls out for childcare issues, which obviously were not there when they paid the deposit. If someone can’t be bothered to sort out childcare 5 months in advance, why should I be bothered to find a replacement? And I would certainly put £10 to cover their cost. It does sound like a made up excuse to me. I would even be pissed and don’t invite the person anymore as they obviously can’t be bothered or make an effort to attend.

Why don’t you find someone to take your place? That way no one is out of pocket. I’d do this and then let them know x will be taking your space and paying any balance. Also agree with PP that saying you can’t find childcare for 5 months time absolutely smacks of ‘can’t be arsed’.

You are answering your own question then, imagine if more people pull out, the handful of people going will not end up paying an extra tenner but much more. You made a commitment and if you can't fulfill it then you either find someone to take your place and pay or pay for your share yourself and lose the money.

erm well actually in terms and conditions of most holiday bookings if you cancel that far in advance you would just lose your deposit. she shouldn't have to pay whole amount. I'd understand if it was 5 weeks away.

What?
Why would it be the other people's responsibility to pay HER part of the trip? Don't sign up for things you can't go to and if you need to drop out, you pay.
Potential exception would be an emergency, sudden illness or sudden bereavement, but not something that you know in advance.

Not really true. Can be true for accommodation, but not for flights unless you've paid extra for a flexible ticket. All the flights I pay for are just the cheapest ticket that you cannot change or cancel.

"leave it at that and if anymore is said just state that when booking and cancelling holidays the only loss is the deposit… that’s what a deposit is for!! This far in advance can’t they just cancel your room?"

Not if it'a shared house type of thing. The cost is not per room, but a cost for the house that is then shared between the people going. If OP had her own hotel room it's quite possible she would have booked herself directly with the hotel, but this is something booked by someone else.

They have five months to find someone else.

There speaks somebody who has no idea of what is like to have no village.

Why should they pay for your place? You reserved it. You should pay or find someone else. It's not their responsibility to do either.

I don't have children so I suppose I'll be told not to have an opinion, but I know you can even pay people to mind your children if necessary. I do understand that some parents only want to leave their children with people they know, but OP has five months to make that happen. If she had one particular babysitter in mind, she knew she would have to find someone else if something came up for that person. It's certainly not the other holiday goers' fault.
Would you give up your job because your mother was unavailable in five months' time or would you make other arrangements?

'Babysitting' and 24-hour care for a few days or more are completely different. You are talking about hiring a Nanny, which can be ridiculously expensive in temporary situations. Agree it's not the holiday goers' fault but magicking up temporary childcare is also not doable. Unless she has bottomless pockets, she'd just pay the hundred if that is the case.

@Hodnett32 so she pays the cost that's asked, the other options are too expensive? X

I do find it telling the op thinks they should all pay for her, that idea honestly would never occur to me, and I’d not wish people to do that. I’d genuinely thank for the offer and decline, as I’d see it as my responsibility and I’d not wish to put others out. I can’t grasp why they should pay for her.

it makes me wonder if her behaviour is normally off, and that’s why she’s been met with radio silence from the group.

OP has chosen not to share why childcare is no longer available for the event, but reading between the lines it is something unfortunate. I can understand why she doesn't want to find alternative childcare if its an overnight thing as it would be hard to build up that level of trust in someone in a short space of time, very expensive if it's paid care and OP probably has other priorities.

But still doesn't mean her friends should pay for her share of whatever it is. She presumably could afford the £100 when she booked it and can still afford it now. Getting £10 each off 10 people is nigh on impossible even if everyone did agree to refund her share, so the organiser would end up out of pocket.

In my mind sympathy and money are two different things. OP should absolutely have been offered the former, but not necessarily the latter.

If you commit to an event and then pull out, you need to pay. Expecting them to pay for you is not on at all.

While it would have been kind of them to waive the fee for you, they don't have to. Trying to find a replacement or alternative childcare would be a better use of your energy than quibbling over the money

If they can find someone else to join, why can’t you find someone else to take your place? If you’ve all committed to going based on splitting costs between, say 10, and then one by one 5 of you drop out, those who are remaining are going to either end up losing a lot of money or with a lot of extra work scrambling around trying to find 5 other people to go! Why should they have to do that because you’ve flaked out? If you back out on plans and money has already been paid then the decent thing to do is to find a replacement or pay up, not put the burden of finding someone on those who have kept to their word and are following through with the trip.

Your being unreasonable to expect everybody else to pitch in £10

But their being unreasonable to expect you to pay the final amount if a deposit has been paid & your nolonger attending

Why are they unreasonable? That’s the contract and the money due to the venue? Someone has to pay it. And it’s her responsibility.

Why on earth would you expect your pals to have a whip round to cover your place? This cannot be genuine 😂

Because the purpose of a deposit is to cover the basic costs of people who book & then can't make it/ticket needs to be sold to someone else

It's not to ensure that people pay the overall costs

If the group couldn't get a refund on her spot they shouldn't have booked as a group unfortunately.

They/she needs to speak to the organiser but 100% isn't responsible for the entire cost she'll just lose her deposit.

I can’t stand this selfish attitude. Someone who Expects others to cover their mess up, is probably extra selfish in most areas of their lives.
It’s giving ‘but what about me’ vibes.

Have you read the OP's posts?

People seem to struggle with the concept of a deposit. I looked it up in the dictionary

a sum payable as a first instalment on the purchase of something or as a pledge for a contract, the balance being payable later.

In some cases yes a deposit is all that is required if you cancel before a certain time, but in a lot of cases it is this pledge for a contract, so it's effectively just the first instalment but by paying it you have committed to the full amount.

If I thought buying something as a group meant I was individually liable for everyone's final payment, I'd never do it and I doubt many others would either.If someone backed out and expected me to pay their balance, well they'd not be on my contact list for long and hell would freeze over before I ever went out socially with them again.

You commit to go to something, it is your responsibility to check the Ts&Cs and decide if you want to proceed on that basis.