To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

I would say your son could earn well.working in joinery or carpentry. Childcare though is very low paid so I understand you wanting to steer your daughter away from this.

I am a teacher and love my job. However I regret not doing something where I could earn a lot more and enjoy my life outside of work more.

It's great if you love your job, but your life outside is important too and it's hard to be happy when you can't pay the bills.

Yes, but if it comes to it they have some flexibility and capacity for change in their budget. If you’re earning minimum wage and are already living frugally, there’s nowhere to go.

And not everyone chooses to be a parent.

Of course the cost of living crisis is impacting lots of people but it really isn't impacting everyone. We've not had to give up anything or change anything about our lives at all despite our low incomes.

You're acting as though choosing a low-paying career at sixteen is some kind of jail sentence that you're stuck with for life.

PP have already posted examples of childcare-related careers that have 40k salaries. Joiners are hardly low-paid either. Just because you start out on minimum wage in a nursery doesn't mean you're stuck like that forever.

I was addressing the poster who was coming out with these soundbites ‘find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life’. That’s not good advice. It’s not always enough to do something you love. It needs to bring on money too for most of us unless you are independently wealthy.

I think these days, I would worry if my kids went into a career that was heavily physical/manual. Because of the risk of retirement age getting even higher. I guess they would then need to think of alternative routes eg training, owning the business etc.

And as PP have said, childcare doesn't just mean working in a nursery for minimum wage. There are loads of careers you can "springboard" to that bring in a more "respectable" salary.

Of course you need to be able to support yourself but millions of people do just that every single day on the minimum wage. We don't all struggle and live in cold bedsits.

They’re so young!

I had no idea what I wanted to do at 15…. I drifted about trying things out. Finally did a BA and an MA and now have a successful career in my 40s.

It sounds like a lot of pressure for a 15 year old having disappointed parents.

I'm going to say something controversial but I don't think earning highly is that big of a deal.

My partner is a joiner, he works for the local council, I'm a classroom assistant but I did work in a nursery before I had my kids.

We have a relatively new car, we go on holiday most years, I get the kids nice clothes and we don't scrimp to get by (hello fresh, meals out, days out).

Yes we have a council house, yes we don't have a big stack of savings but we are happy we have everything we need and seem to live just as well as anyone else we know.

We are in S/W Scotland so it's very affordable to live here but yeah I wouldn't worry.

I did highers then a HNC and I'm no better or worse off than the early years practitioners who did apprenticeships!

2 low incomes isn’t so bad, but again, not everyone is living in a couple, especially when they’re in their 20s. A single person paying rent, food, bills, will have next to fuck all left for an emergency on a low wage from something like childcare. When these adult kids live with parents, they’re laughed at.

Pretending life is fun on a low income is ridiculous and completely contradicts so many threads on mumsnet and what I see IRL.

Oh and my BIL is in his 20s and did a joinery apprenticeship and has a really well paid job. Far better than many others I know. He worked his way up very quickly.

I sincerely hope you never make any remarks to this effect to your children.

When I was 25 I was a care-worker on £7.50 an hour, my mum told me “if I never done another thing in my life, she couldn’t be prouder of me”

I’m now 35 and I am a company director, with a 6 figure salary.

I still hold dearly in my heart that my mum told me she couldn’t be prouder of me when I was “just” a carer.

Honestly as-long as they are HEALTHY and HAPPY, you should be the happiest parent alive.

Joiner fine. Childcare apprentiship I would be iffy tbh unless she has a plan to do something else with it rather than work in daycare as notoriously low paid and long hours.

I'm not pretending

But if it makes you feel better to believe that, crack on I guess.

1. Just because you've found some jobs that pay better doesn't also mean there aren't lots of jobs that pay less
2. ...and ironically those jobs you've given as examples don't pay better. The second job actually DOES work out at £11.40 at the starting salary (£20865/52 weeks/35hrs a week). The first one is pro rata - the £30k salary would be for full time but the hours are only 21 a week so the actual salary would only be c£17.5k. So still no "ELP salaries starting from £32k"!
3. To get the higher pay you have to have the HNC qualification...to get that you need to go to college for a year AND have an entry level qualification or highers....which is exactly what I said to OP - that even if they want to stay in those careers and do apprenticeships they would benefit from getting additional qualifications first THEN deciding rather than leaving school at 16.

A joiner can earn More than a nurse

As a good joiner your DS will be rolling in it, my mate has a joinery business, just him, making and fitting bespoke kitchens, wardrobes etc, rolling in it.

Aheievement isn't just academic (and I say that as a physics teacher) there are massive shortages in trades, and good tradesmen make a very good living, most of my former pupils who went on to be lawyers, doctors etc.. are well paid but stressed out and working all hours, those who ended up in the trades all seem to be cleaning up - one former pupil of mine who is a plumber (south east) was recently taking a couple of months off so as not to go over £100K in the financial year.

My in laws said this about my DH when he started his apprenticeship in the building trade . He later retrained in something else and retired at 55 when he was earning just under 200k per year.

I think the majority agree that being a joiner isn’t cause for concern. It’s the childcare that people are more cautious of.

It doesn’t make me feel better. It’s awful that minimum wage jobs or those paying not much more, mean people are struggling to live. It’s also shit that such an important role such as caring for children often isn’t valued in terms of salary paid. However, we’ve got a responsibility as parents to be realistic with our teens/young adults as to the difficulties and stresses they may face when they enter a career that often pays badly.

Love this.

Plus don't forget OP, the pandemic was big for them. Let them choose their own way.

If you don’t have a partner, it’s not easy living as a single person on minimum wage. Not everyone is in a couple.

It's very easy as a teenage girl to think that going for the low paid job is fine as they'll just marry someone better off. But what if they don't meet anyone? What if they do and something happens and that person ends up ill, disabled or just an abusive twat who they need to leave?

The fact is that women are more likely to end up on their own and having to feed the kids out of their wages. Whilst I'm sure many of you on here believe that people in poverty can be happy... as someone who grew up that way it's not the loving bundle of laughs that some think it is. It is miserable, cold and you are always hungry and stressed.

Who wants that life for their child? Let alone any children that child might have?

OP she's a bloody fool for jacking in education at 16 if she's got the brains to go further. Despite the bollocks on here about millionaire builders and nanny's to the stars, the reality is that your son may well make an ok living, but your daughter is likely to be stuck in a dead end, low paid job with few prospects and will spend her life trying to make ends meet.

I'll be brave and admit.....im disappointed too. My kids don't want to do anything medical. They both find it gross. I'm medical and reeeeeally wanted them both (or at least one) to be in to the same or similar career.

There I said it 🤣

@kaben He is, none of my family went to Uni, The best one is my nephew joined the RAF on a vehicle and mechanical technicians apprenticeship spent 6 months in the Falkland Islands last year servicing Land rovers and has just been promoted to Corporal

I imagine a joinery apprenticeship will make decent money in the end ... I'd be pushing your DD to go into one of the trades though. Childcare doesn't pay well - unless she wants to go and train to be a Norton Nanny? I think they earn around £80k