To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

I would encourage both of them to do highers. The apprenticeship can be something they decide on at 18.
Some women in my child's nursery have come into it after doing teaching, rearing their own family and other things. It will always be an option.
Joinery sounds like an interesting option but surely there's no hurry?
Would it be possible for them to do a week's work experience in these roles?

Get a couple of quotes for some fitted wardrobes. It will immediately ease your concerns that joiners are low earners.

I'd have no problem with a son doing a trade apprenticeship but I'd not be happy for my daughter to train for a minimum wage job.

Work done by predominantly women is notoriously badly paid. Absolutely wrong of course but I'd make sure my daughter knew how tough things will be for her financially.

I'd encourage her to do primary school teacher training. Much better paid.

Great trade! I trained to be a nursery nurse NNEB when I left school. I worked in a school for five years and went on to train as a teacher via a BE,d. I wouldn't advise my dd to train in childcare now. It's not a well respected or well paid job sadly.

My DD did an apprenticeship. She now earns more than I do, is incredibly well qualified in her industry, has been head-hunted for her skills and is buying her first property. A great set achievements for her age (22). Who knows where an apprenticeship can take you if you love the work, are good at it and have a family that support you in your choices?

I don't know many people in childcare, but I know 2 brothers who both did joinery after they left school. They are now joint owners in what started as a kitchen making business, they also have an interiors team and have 6 employees and are both very much sought after and very well to do. My cousin also done joinery and he has his own business aswell, although smaller, and he also is doing very well financially. I know not everyone will be as successful, but joinery isn't a bad trade to get into

Are they happy? If so why does it matter? I’ve always thought I would be happy if my kids worked a minimum wage 9-5 as long as they are happy

Sorry but I find this a very sad read. You have happy, healthy children. That should be all that matters. Anything else is a bonus!

Higher earning does not automatically equal happy life. If they're going for things that will make them happy, be happy about that.

I did the high achievement at school thing, A Levels, uni etc. But slogging my guts out for money made me miserable. Doing something I enjoy and having good balance in my life is amazing. Wish I knew that in my teenage years when I did what I was "supposed" to.

Sounds like they have both picked something that they will enjoy. That's the most important thing.

I think I’d be happy if my kids were happy. Just a note though … one of the dads whose DD went to my DD’s dancing school was a roofer, started his own company. Sent all 4 of his kids to private school, drove fancy car, had big house and ended up moving from Yorkshire to London. Multi millionaire now. Depends where their priorities are, if they love what they do they’ll do well, regardless.

I hear you. I think your son will potentially have a fulfilling, possibly creative and maybe lucrative career, but childcare generally is limited in potential, albeit extremely needed and highly valued in an individual child’s life. We always want better for our children.

You are not being unreasonable - it's perfectly reasonable to feel sad when your ungrateful spawn head happily out into the world without realising they're headed for life of minimum wage.

However, your daughter in childcare can build up qualifications on the job, which can open doors to other careers related to children.

Your son will have a trade which will keep him employed pretty much always, and a skill and talent.

On the bright side you can look forward to a future filled with grandchildren in the kitchen - which of course will be a top notch one built by your son.

All credit to you, for raising a daughter who loves children, and a son who is not afraid of hard work - that makes you an amazing mum.

I think joinery is such a fantastic career path, it's a specialist skill and there is room to make biiiiig money there. Look at companies like Artichoke etc, they can name their price. Apprenticeships are a great thing, they sound sensible and ambitious.

You are not keeping up at all with what is happening it the world. Any qualification to do with childcare is going to be vital in the future. Check out what it is exactly they must go through to qualify. Dear God are you serious not to respect a Joinery qualification? Just check what they can actually earn when qualified. Everyone needs a Joiner at some point or other. Your assumptions of these trades are wrong - there is vast potential to go on and get other qualifications if they so choose. With respect your regrets are old fashioned and your children are choosing careers that they will be happy in and will thrive in if you and your husband will let them. I'm almost 63, spent my life doing something that was chosen for me rather than what I wanted. There is no happiness in that. Leave them be with their choices.

Getting apprenticeships is good. What if they do more college, go to uni, get in debt and still not get a job.

At the end of the day a parent just wants happy, content kids (of any age).

What magic is going to change childcare from a low-paid, low-status job? I mean, I agree it’s vital, but it’s hardly well-remunerated.

Child Psychologist

Yes lots of careers working with children like child psychologist, speech and language therapist, play therapist, occupational therapist are all great jobs with more earning potential.

You’ve got to be kidding me! I was £40k in student debt to never ever use my stupid degree. I was miserable. I would clap my kids from here to the moon for choosing a job they love not a stupid bit of paper with no real meaning. Different ball game if the want to be a teacher / nurse / architect but if not then kudos to them

My only problem with the Childcare Apprenticeship is that it is a low paid profession. I’m not saying it should be, but it is. Is your daughter aware of the kind of salary she will be on even when out of the apprenticeship? It is not a lot to support yourself on and would concern me. The joinery would have no problem with - it is a solid trade and will always be in need. There are lots of opportunities working for someone else or for yourself.

I’m from a family who did well for themselves financial but not through education. I, like many at my school, were under a lot of pressure to do well and go to university. My father wanted to be a lawyer, but never had the education to do it, so really pushed me to be one. Cue a lot of arguments as I hit my teens. I’ll be honest, I often felt like a bit of disappointment and it did affect our relationship which was awful all round.

I did go to uni and I even got a post graduate degree. But, I can say that all my friends who are the higher earners did NOT go to uni. I also know countless where parents got this a bit wrong basing it own their own experiences or circumstances changed and their kids choices were for the best. Sometimes it caused the kids to completely meltdown under the pressure - Often it was trying to get the kid to follow in mum or dads footsteps…

I think it is natural for all parents to want the best for their children but also be careful here, times have changed. They do for every generation. I’ll bet thinking back you’ll remember times like this too. These aren’t unwise decisions, I know a nanny who owns a wonderful salary and flies around the world with her family to their various houses! Sure, she may tire of it with time and want her own family, be more settled etc but then she may well open up her own nursery or retrain. Plenty of people do change careers now multiple times. I’ve never met a carpenter who doesn’t love their job and they are always in demand plus his achievements at school already support this direction.

You have clearly done an excellent job, your kids sound bright, focused and forward thinking. Try not to put a cloud over their choices, it can lead to a lack of confidence which in turn brings the kind of genuinely awful choices you really don’t want them to make. They need to know mums always behind them and you also deserve to take time to be proud of yourself and them not worrying.

Don’t forget that young people will be entering an entirely different working world. We now have a ‘gig economy’ meaning that there are no careers for life any more. People can expect to have a minimum of 5 different careers in a working lifetime. Consequently it really doesn’t matter what your kids choose now, as long as they continue to acquire employability skills to help them in future.

I think your son has made a sensible choice. I don’t think your daughter has as childcare is low paid and hard work.