To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

I understand your disappointment. We tried our best to convince our only daughter to stay on and do A-levels with a view to maybe going to University to buy her time to decide what career path she wanted to follow, or even skip University but at least get A-levels first to widen her options in the future. However my daugher, like your daughter decided she wanted a career in childcare, and after 'playing devils advocate' trying to test her commitment to this, she convinced us this was what she wanted to do, and did a 2 year Early Years course in child development (apparently equivalent to 'A' level standard) and once finished the course walked into a role at the nursery where she did her practical experience as part of the course, then after 6 months applied for another nursery with better conditions, and has been happily working there for the past 2 years 😀 - the only issue she has is that it is extremely tiring at times, but she has never complained about her choice, and at least she didnt build up any University debt (though we did try to assure her we would have helped with money as best we could). She does not necessarily think she will stay in this particular job forever, but the college course she did can be built on with more studying and she could branch out into other caring professions such as working with adults with disabilities (which she initially wanted to do and still might consider in future).

All I can advise is that you sit down with each of your children separately to have a frank discussion about what their ultimate aspirations are, explaining that earning money now should not be the priority, their long term working life satisfaction should be, and listen carefully to what they say to you and don't dismiss their arguments out of hand, but try to work out if it is lack of confidence or lack of interest on their part preventing them from thinking of higher education, if it is lack of interest i think you will have to accept their choices. I did feel a little bit of a failure in not getting my daughter to do 'A'levels at first, as she obtained 9 GCSE's, but I am glad we didn't pressure her to do them too much, because at the end of the day it was her choice.

If things don't work out they can always go to college or University later to study for something else - my niece did this actually, and didnt have to pay for course as she was backed by the NHS to upgrade the job she was doing- a win win!

Also (sorry to ramble) I think these days too many young adults are pressured to go to University when really they are not suited for it, this is evidenced by the several stories I have heard of some of them (including my nephew) dropping out of courses part-way through - and the fees still have to be paid, of course!😱

I think the subject choices largely aren’t ‘conventionally’ academic ones. Which is fine of course. But may not be the ones needed for the ‘top’ professions if continued to university. Maybe that’s what the poster meant.

My dh told ds to stick in at school and don’t do what he did, he told him to get a career rather than a trade. Ds always wanted to be an accountant well that and a taxi driver (when he was 4)

Ive wracked my brains with all my friends and colleagues and none have followed in their parents footsteps.

I think at 15 & having apprenticeships lined up is very ambitious & I'd be encouraging my kids to go for it & would be proud of them both for having an idea of what they'd like to do in life. Both Childcare & Joinery are skills that can lead into high paid jobs or self employment so to say they'll never be in high paid work is rubbish. Be proud of them & their choices & support them. If they go into jobs they find interesting the chances are they enjoy them & thrive where as if you push them into a career they don't have any interest in they'll resent having to work & will be miserable.

That’s exactly what she’s worried about - their future health and happiness! Work on the tools out in the weather can be hard on the body and joints and childcare is generally low paid and tough work - it’s difficult to be healthy and happy if you’re struggling to make ends meet and worrying about paying the bills, in a way that these young kids don’t really appreciate yet. Of course as their mother all she wants is the best healthiest happiest life they can get!

Theyre only 15.

I agree.

Thomas Gray, a while ago, expressed my attitude better than I could:

Let not Ambition mock their useful toil,
Their homely joys, and destiny obscure;
Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
The short and simple annals of the Poor.

The boast of heraldry, the pomp of power,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave
Awaits alike th' inevitable hour:—
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

-- I was never ambitious, but - now my life's almost over - can truly say I have lived a wonderful, happy and fulfilled life, which would have been unlikely had I been at all ambitious. My unambitious grown-up children are happy, as are my grandchildren.

Have a look round at really ambitious people. Would you really like your child to grow up to be like Boris Johnson, for instance? (Urgh!)

Looks like you and your DH inspire them. Which is sweet.

It’s so much better to study or take on something you enjoy, find interesting or love. There are so many places you can go career wise once you’ve nailed down a skill. I think it’s important to encourage people who want to take on actual jobs as more and more people want to just make money or become a content creator without learning a valid skill.

Most social climbing, 'aspirational', insecure, lower middle class mumsnetters think their 'talented' little Paul or Paula is destined for the glittering heights of a top university and then on to a high status, highly paid, six figure professional career but I suspect very few actually make it there as they don't have the social capital.

In this case, the lad doesn't want to piss about at university and has chosen to get a craft trade just like like his father, whereas the daughter has decided likewise and has chosen to train up in the pre school childcare sector. She is not that dissimilar to her mum who probably did an old school nursing diploma.

I remember when I was doing A levels in college alongside about 90% of school friends, we all planned to go to Uni, just seemed the right route. There was a few whoever who went into apprenticeships and they obviously had money before we did, they had their own cars, bought houses before us, had a nice set up whilst the rest of us were writing essays at midnight, working minimum wage jobs all weekends and then straight out on the town. “It will all pay off in the end” we told ourselves. In all honesty, I’m not sure it has. I’m 36 and still have 10k student loan to repay, I’m an average earner. I do a job that absolutely doesn’t need a degree. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend Uni unless there was a guaranteed professional role at the end

They are only fifteen. I think they are doing jolly well, and being sensible. The jobs for which they are going to train don't have to be forever, people have career changes later on. In the meantime, they will be earning if not huge salaries and, who knows, they may earn quite well after some experience.

Please don't worry, be proud. They know what they are doing.

When my children have made decisions I wouldn't necessarily have done, they have always been right. They know themselves better than we do.

Hmm, DH teaches A level and sees many children pushed into careers that they are not suited for. Mainly medicine.