To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

These days I would be encouraging my children to look at careers where roles are less likely to be replaced by automations and AI. In my job we are implementing a new system which is likely to mean at least one person in my relatively small team could be made redundant. Realistically, more jobs are going that way.

I get it OP, DD is a bright little thing (I think) I’d be secretly a bit disappointed if she didn’t use it. Definitely a hint of the tiger mum about me (only a hint though). What I would say though is that they have chosen careers that will hopefully see them happy and they can still be very successful. A “professional” career isn’t the be all and end all of life.

Tbh I think they sound kind of sensible, you will probably find that in ten years they will have their own homes and settled while some of their peers are still living with their parents.

My DH doesn’t have a degree and has had a very fulfilling career. He’s happy with the choices he made. Maybe the way to look at it is that we don’t have long in this world, knowing your children will be doing jobs that hopefully bring them joy is very precious. We spend decades of our lives working, if you are lucky it’s something that you love. Also agree with the idea that your Dd could do child development.

Apprenticeships are amazing, but I would prefer a high ability dc to do A Levels or college and then go into a higher aapprenticeship at 18 personally. I think they are narrowing their options earlier than they need to. Some kids just want out of full time education and into the real world, but as long as they continue to study its fine. This is controversial, but staying in education is particularly important for your dd, we all know women earn on average a lot less, and whilst a qualified and gifted carpenter will earn a bloody good wage, someone working in child care won't.
I do know a girl who used her apprenticeship BTEC to get into uni. Yours could do this or go onto a higher apprenticeship once they finished their current apprenticeship. Just make sure they have all the options, have done all of the 6th form and college visits and know what is available to them.

They've both got off their arses and got an apprenticeship! IMO that shows work ethic, confidence and ambition.

You should be very proud of them.

You may get flamed because this is mumsnet however in the real world, people guide their 15 year olds.
If I feel that my child at 15 is making a decision that may impart them negatively in future, I feel as their parent, i’m meant to explain this to them and let them see the pros and cons.

On your post, I think your son has chosen a very decent apprenticeship and even if it’s not something that’ll lead to him having a ‘white collar job’, he can build a very solid and decent career from this.

For your daughter, I know working in childcare is honourable and decent but we all have to agree that it’s not well paid. I’ll worry about her already limiting her choices by not wanting to do highers. I’m assuming you’re in Scotland from your post and it’s not as if she’ll end up with as much loans, etc if she went to uni.

If this was my daughter, I’ll let her see more options that she could pursue if she wants to work with children. Lots of them like degrees in child psychology, special education and education in general, speech pathology, social work, child development, etc. this will broaden her choices . She might end up working in an early years setting but at least, she would have options.

My DM recently retired from nursery nursing. It does tend to be a low paid arduous job (and one where you're at risk of having thick bitchy colleagues IME) but one young girl who worked with her made decent money babysitting in the evenings, like hundreds of extra pounds a month. I think if you're a bit entrepreneurial, you can do well. I assume nursery owners are making decent money too, as DM's nursery was bought by an investor who wasn't a childcare professional and put a manager in to run it. This was in the London commuter belt though, YMMV.

I think the building trades are excellent (as seen in "The Millionaire Next Door". I would totally have retrained in a trade if I'd had the means and aptitude to do so. University was a massive waste of time for me in career terms, even with a (tiny) grant, low rent and free tuition. Your kids are on the right track. I'm only encouraging mine to go to university because a) they are not practical, b) one ie a NEET and a language degree is better than nothing, c) one wants to do law which is fine, and d) we live in a country where tuition is free.

With the way tech is going I would expect a decent joiner has more job security than a low level jobbing solicitor over the next decade or so.

My DS became a plumber he now owns his own business I couldn't be more proud of him

They can always go to university later.

I do have sympathy op. I feel/felt the same way about my children. Super bright but they went to bog standard state schools and we live in a working class deprived area.

They do well comparatively but compared to the affluent middle classes whose children can naturally go from private school where they are pushed and encouraged to aim high and on to Oxbridge or RG - and then ‘jobs for the boys’ in all the high earning professions.

It is disappointing when your child - who seemed full of potential in life - settles for something you know will mean they’ll just about manage financially like we have. You hope for higher for your children.

Being happy doing something you love is a perfectly valid ambition.

This! They’ll always get jobs and could earn well. They’re also 15 now. They can retrain or upskill in the future. And won’t have massive student debt.

People will always need childcare, but it will always be poorly paid and with poor conditions. OP is not being unreasonable to feel her daughter has made a bad decision. However her daughter has many years ahead to realize that and make changes.

In a way I think studying joining is possibly putting your son on a better career path than academia! So many people struggle to work after uni. His earnings could be fantastic. And imagine all the great things he will be able to create for himself and you as well!

I deal with trades daily, they earn far more than me or my kids. I wish I had encouraged them that way rather than academics.

So it's fine for someone else to do it?

I can't answer for Scotland, but here in England two of the most well off men I know are a bespoke joiner and a cabinet maker.

i would definitely encourage staying to do highers if they're reasonably academic.

Nothing wrong at all with an apprenticeship, can work out very well. But they're young - having highers opens up more options if they change their minds. No harm in further year or two of school then apprenticeship/college/uni at 17/18.

Quite honestly it sound like they have their heads screwed on and have opportunities lined up. I’d be proud of my DC if they do this when they are the same age.

There's no need to be sad. My youngest dropped out and he has a higher than average IQ. Did various jobs and then decided, at 25, he needed to grow up. Has a first class degree and everything, to add on since, has been distinction. At 38 he is doing extremely well. Will never be a very high earner because his career is NHS although he is looking at emigrating.

Have you spoken to them about what it is about those jobs that interests them? Could your dd look into something like developmental psychology for example?

I will be encouraging my son (6) into an apprenticeship... unless he has a clear career path he wants to pursue, like a doctor/pilot blah? I know so many of my peers who have wasted their time earning useless degrees & have successful careers in completely different industries, it's ridiculous, getting into debt for no reason?

Also I think it's unfair to expect a 17 year old to know what they want from life, your kids sound very sensible actually

Joinery fine, I started out there. I don't earn much, which is by choice, I went on to train further and have taught, I could earn a lot more if I chose to. It"s a good profession.

Childcare, one of my DDs works in childcare, she has always wanted to, but with 10 grade 9 GCSEs we encouraged her to do A levels. It was a shit show, she was stressed, made herself ill and failed all 3. So she is now working in childcare. I don't know, the pay is terrible, she'll struggle to support herself. All she wants is to have her own children and be a mum. I worry for her.

YABVU - if they both work hard then they will have excellent salary potential in those subjects. Far better than going to uni and getting into 5 figures of debt doing a ‘mickey mouse’ subject with little career prospects. Your DS will be earning a lot with joinery, trades are very in demand. Re: your DD nannies (if that’s the route she decides to go down) can travel all over the world with families and earn great money

My friend started as a joiner, now owns his own carpentry business at 31 and had 5 employees, He lives VERY comfortably. It could be the start of a great career!