To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

It’s only harder if you’re a parent. Working lives are very long and she wouldn’t be the first or last mature student, she’d also have a lot more clarity about what she wants with more life experience.

Yeah there are a whole host of careers working with children where she will need direct work of working with children to get into. I got interested in this too late and have realised I am now excluded from these as I cannot afford to go back to the low level of wage of front line work to gather that experience. So I think its great she is getting this experience at this stage of her life.

So OP, don't listen to the doomsayers about the childcare apprenticeship being a crap choice, those poster just don't know much about variety and breadth of the careers market related to children. It really will open a huge range of potential careers, so just do some research to help your daughter broaden her horizons about what is open to her once to has some experience under her belt.

YABU - for 15 year olds they are already very switched on and have sound ambitions. As PP mentioned there is a great demand for useful trades and work experiences out there that people are prepared to pay for. Also the training your children receive via their apprenticeships could lead to greater opportunities further down the line.

Many people I've known over the years went to university because at 18 they still didn't know what they wanted to do, or their friends were going to uni or their parents pestered them into going to uni. Most of those people then got their degrees and did nothing tangible with them.

These days, some employers have little interest in whether or not employees have a degree as these qualifications either don't add anything to the job role or are totally unnecessary.

I mean, I've done just that.

Because protecting my mental health and happiness is more important than earning lots of money.

Earning a low wage can be the cause of stress and in time depression for some people.

And not for others. Particularly if they’re doing work they love.

So if they don't feel like they earn enough down the line ,they can always re-train and do something else. The career path you pick at 16 or 18 isn't permanent.

IMO, getting up and doing a job you love everyday is a pretty rare thing - I'm bloody grateful that I get to do it.

If you don’t have enough money to meet your basic needs, it’s stressful. No one is going to be super happy in that situation as you’re always worrying how you’re going to afford things. It doesn’t matter how much you love your job if you can’t afford the basics.

Earning 25k doesn't necessarily mean you can't meet your basic needs. It all depends on your lifestyle, location and what you want out of life.

If her children will enjoy working in childcare or joinery then they should absolutely be encouraged in that. It doesn't mean they're stuck with it forever.

Often easier said than done. Retraining whilst working is hard. Retraining with hardly any money coming in if you’re not working is hard. Add kids and other life stresses in, it’s not just as easy as saying I’ll just retrain.

I think I would focus on your daughter: your son has much better prospects, sooner, as a joiner. Early years childcare is a minimum wage job with minimal prospects for the majority. Has your daughter been exposed to other career paths working with children eg paediatric SALT, OT, physio, child psychologist, art therapist, primary teacher? Am assuming you’ve talked her through the pathway of becoming a paediatric nurse.

Lots of things in life are easier said than done - it's not a reason to give up on a career you love at sixteen!

If someone can live on £25k and be comfortable and not stressed out about cash, then yes. I think most people living on that amount of money wouldn’t say they don’t stress tough. Theres threads here everyday with people struggling and they’re already living frugally.

*though

She hasn’t even got the apprenticeship yet by the sound of it, it’s hardly a career she loves. 😅

While Carpentry and Childcare provision are in demand, I do think you are right to be concerned that they are slightly young to be making the decisions they have. They both seem to be able, so for the sake of two years it might be best to encourage them to stay at school to do Highers.

Once they have those qualifications, if they still choose to go down their current career paths it is likely that apprenticeships will still be there and they can apply for them. However, it will be a lot easier to go to Uni or change their plans if their choices at 18 do not work out, because by doing Highers they will have a higher level of general education to fall back on.

Just as university is expensive, it can be expensive to retrain if you do not have the correct qualifications and want to be able to go to University at a later date. You can also become very dependent on the income derived from working, and studying when you are working is a lot more difficult. You are right to be concerned about their decisions and should discuss these aspects with them.

Well, everyone is different, but for many people, a career they love is more important than a large salary.

Either way, it's not fair to be "disappointed" in a sixteen year old for picking a career they love over one that will (potentially) make them lots of money.

I think joinery is a good move. Every wealthy person I know is a ‘tradesman’. He could earn a fortune. But I totally agree about the career in childcare. It’s crap money for a lot of work and responsibility.

I'm really glad my parents weren't so unpleasant and dismissive about my career and life choices.

You could be very wrong , they are very likely to get good careers from doing an apprenticeship and they won't have the millstone round their necks of student loans.
My very bright son who hated college did an apprenticeship 10 years ago, he earns a lot ! and the longer he works in his field the higher his wages will be and he can work anywhere around the world.

Its likely they will have several careers over their lifetime. Personally I think following your passions rather than money is a better recipe for happiness. It sounds like they will always have options. Have faith in them.

As a teacher I understand your pain of watching capable students underachieve but if it's what they want and what they have their hearts set on not much you can do apart from keep chatting to them

I under you want them to do "better" than you , but maybe your are excellent hardworking role models and they want to be like you ? It's a compliment really

I wouldn't worry too much about the DS, carpentry and joinery is in demand and has decent earning potential especially if he has a bit of business nouse.

Perhaps gently encourage your DD to consider other adjacent options as nursery nursing can be poor money with limited prospects. Things like paediatric nursing, midwifery, early years teaching might be worth exploring. However it is her choice and while you can present options and discuss prospects you shouldn't pressure her.

Perhaps you and your DH haven’t inspired them to do “more”?

Perhaps they are disappointed to have non inspirational parents.

It’s not unpleasant and dismissive to make sure your kids are aware they might be stuck earning a low wage forever and how that will impact their life. I’m glad my kids are taught to think decisions through, listen to us, research themselves and then make an informed choice. rather than have parents that just say ‘great idea’ to everything.