To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

My DDs are 15 & 14 and the least ambitious children I have ever met 😂 I probably should be a bit more worked up about it but essentially, I just really want them to be happy. I don’t care if they have minimum wage jobs … I will insist they work. However I doubt very much either will go to college. An apprenticeship perhaps but I’d even be surprised at that. They are both academically very high achieving and I figure that they’ll find their own path…in their work time.

You should be proud that both have got off their arses and secured apprenticeship’s

For those saying childcare pay is a pittance, working in private nurseries yeah, I worked for £9.50 and hour but have worked in council nurseries for last 3 years and paid £16 an hour which I think is fab!

Well done to both for securing apprenticeships. These qualifications are increasingly very highly valued in the world of work, and many employers are looking for practical, hands on skills. And of course they will earn while they learn.

YADBU - this is the first step in their careers and will provide a very sound stepping stone. Senior roles and business ownership could follow - don't be disappointed!

I have 4 degrees and wish apprenticeships were a thing in my day I would of jumped all over it .
Owning a childcare business can be very lucrative and so is a trade your son can work all over the world and be self-employed. It seems you want them to be sheep and a slave to NHS or local authorities nope they are fine careers.

They don’t seem to lack ambition because they have pushed themselves to do well at school and got apprenticeships. But at their age they won’t fully understand the impact of their choices.

Is your son suited to a trade? His subjects suggest he might. Perhaps moving on studying won’t suit him. And it’s a good solid, well paid career anyway.

But yes if your DD is good academically then I would encourage her to think through other options and not limit herself at this point. She could end up in an early years setting or she could find a related field that is better paid. I’d worry about childcare because of the pay and the conditions. There is nothing wrong with offering a bit of guidance.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to be a bit disappointed OP, particularly for your DD as unfortunately childcare is (wrongly) a lower paid occupation but as pp says there are other options.

I also have a (young) 15-yr old doing Nat 5’s. He wants to start a business and is convinced he will be a billionaire! No idea of what business though, and dropped business management in S3 so I’m impressed your DC’s have had the maturity to actually think about career paths and apply for apprenticeships.

I was actually in a similar situation to your DC. I was bright achieved good SG but left school at 15 (was being bullied by the posh ‘clever’ kids so I’ll admit did massively affect this decision and it tainted my view of academics).

It upset my parents massively but I was just so determined. I ended working in a low paid healthcare role and did get a qualification and some really valuable life experience. I did eventually go to uni in my 20’s after having DC though, but it was the right time for me and I was fully committed.

Now my own DC is that age, I can share my own experience and the pros and cons. I advise them of the importance of having options and getting as many qualifications as he can before leaving school so if he changes his mind re career a bit easier if you’ve got the entry requirements.

I do think things worked out for me but if I’m honest I had to grow up a bit too fast at 16 so personally I want my DC to remain in school at bit longer and just have the space and time to be a kid. Plenty of time for adult responsibilities later.

YABU. They both have apprenticeships, that shows ambition to me. Also, there would be nothing wrong if they didn't have ambition, there is much more to life than a job. Leave them alone to get on with their lives - you can't live yours through them.

Definitely - and retraining without any post 16 qualifications is going to be exceptionally hard and expensive and long. She has the opportunity to finish school now with good highers - for free! It would then be much easier to enter uni later on, if she wanted. If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to, but it would be so much wiser to keep that option open.

Honestly my peers and I were told this at school and I think it gave us entirely unrealistic expectations of how enjoyable or fulfilling a job should be. I’ve changed careers a number of times and have never “loved” any of my jobs. My main meaning and purpose and pleasure comes from family and relationships and personal goals outside work. I have managed to find a job that balances these aspects of life and for that I am grateful.

(I was able to retrain relatively easily because I had a good basis of education and qualifications that kept my options open.)

I don’t really know anyone who loves their job. Most people are satisfied if they manage to get the balance between hours of life sacrificed versus pay and conditions.

I’ll be advising my kids to find something that they are interested in and are likely to find adequately rewarding, both spiritually and financially. I’ll be realistic with them that all jobs have hard parts or boring parts as well as satisfying parts and encourage them to think about pay and conditions holistically.

Do you want the option to work from home? Do you want to be able to afford a foreign holiday in your time off? Do you want to work at weekends or out of hours? Do you want to earn enough per hour that you could go part-time and spend more time with your own children in the future? Etc.

The acorns rarely fall far from the tree.

They're selecting the sort of jobs I'd expect the teenage children of a painter decorator and nurse to go into.

Son wants a trade, daughter wants to work in a caring role.

They may or may not be bright kids, but their predicted school results don't scream out anything spectacularly academic.

I think it used to be the case where going to uni and getting a degree was the track to getting a good career. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. I think you can get saddled with debt and not necessarily improve your career prospects. In my circle, people with confidence and entrepreneurship are earning more … quite a few without the benefit of a degree.

My brother and I were not in the least ambitious, I didn't do very well in my exams and he didn't take his at all. We both went straight into jobs when we left school, me in a factory, him doing labouring. We both have always worked ever since.

We both have good, well paying jobs now though neither of us have been career minded. It's not all about the ambition, it's the dedication to work hard.

Everyone here will say you’re being unreasonable but I hear you. All 3 of my children have been blessed with brains, but eldest has always lacked that drive. He’s lazy, expects things to come to him rather than going out and getting them. Youngest two are very driven and very committed to their studies. My DD does GCSE’s this year and is predicted top grades, so if she suddenly announced she was doing an apprenticeship in a low paying area I would be disappointed yes. Because I know she’s capable of so much more. If the apprenticeship was in something related to a high paying career then great, but if she’s predicted A’s and is going into a minimal wage career I’d be having a chat with her.

I want my children to earn well because life is tough for young people, and we live in the South East. A flat costs 300k. At one point my middle DS was thinking of a sports related degree but upon quizzing his thoughts a bit more we established playing sport was what he wanted to do. So unless Arsenal come knocking i said he would be better off going for a maths related career as that’s his thing, he got 97% at A level in maths and further (an A* was 70 odd percent). So I hear you, we want our children to reach their potential. Maybe they need a bit more guiding, maybe pull up some career websites and do some of those quizzes that suggest careers. DS is now at Uni and has an internship in his chosen maths related career and is really enjoying the sports there, running sports dept, he’s loving it.

A’s aren’t spectacular, what is then?

I think you should be proud they have both got apprenticeships but I can understand why you might feel they are wasting their potential. Highers would only take one more year at school.

I certainly don’t think skilled tradesmen are “low-earning.” I’m sure their income can stack up against most white-collar middle
management, and is far better than the ordinands cubicle hamster’s. Don’t know about joiners but I have three masters degrees, speak two languages, and have 25 years in journalism and my plumber certainly earns more than I do. The fact is that people don’t need newspapers these days but they still need their loos unblocked and boilers fixed. I suspect that they will also be wanting carpentered kitchens, bedroom closets, bespoke furniture and what have you for some time to come.

@EmsieJoe It sounds like your son is really well suited to the path he's chosen & your daughter absolutely doesn't need to end up 'stuck' in the minimum wage end of childcare.

I would suggest that it would be great for both if they can get some training/exposure to how to set up & run a business as they're going through their apprenticeships.

How to start a company, what taxes need paying, how to price jobs accordingly, when to take on staff - it doesn't really seem to be taught in 'academics' but if they can get some great tips from other successful 'tradies' you know they can do REALLY well in their chosen fields.

Someone mentioned a £50k childcare managerial role. I know a couple of people who own/run nursery groups & yes it's VERY hard work, but they do exceptionally well out of it. Choosing your area is obviously key! Equally, if she's got good academics & great people skills, there would be the opportunity for her to move towards nannying & there are decent options for travel if she wanted to lean towards the high-net-worth family end of the market? Just make sure she's got a great grounding in when to say no, not diluting her rate by doing hours for free, and she knows where her boundaries are morally - there are as many grim, dodgy wealthy families out there as there are lovely welcoming ones.

Equally shop fitting, custom cabinetry & moving towards high end homes or superyachts would mean your son could essentially set his own rates if his work is high enough quality.

Neither choice is a reason for branding them 'unambitious' or a life-sentence to minimum wage. Where they choose to go with it will determine that...

@divisionoftasks

It's not trite, I'm 52 years old and have been working since I was 18, my advice to concentrate on finding an interest especially when young and without commitments is an opinion based on many hours earning money in a job I hated.

There is also an assumption on your part that doing something that you enjoy will be low paid, the opposite is probably likely due to the enthusiasm you would bring to the role and organisation.

What I am saying is, say you have an interest in Horses and all you can find is volunteering at a stables but you love it, you love the animals and arrive early and get stuck in, or, train to be an accountant in an office but you hate it but it's more money, choose the stables that's my honest advice.

So , our children pick their jobs according to what their parents do?

bizarre way of thinking and slightly judgemental too.

Dh has a trade and I worked in hospitality when mine were picking their uni courses and our teens chose engineering and finance.

Is that what you would have expected from mine and dh’s careers?

Some do. Medicine seems to run in families, as does serving in the armed forces and of course there are acting dynasties and family businesses.

So , our children pick their jobs according to what their parents do?

Nobody said it was guaranteed but you can't deny that it happens - the trades being a prime example of skills being passed down from father to son over the years.

It can also work the other way - both my parents are in medicine/work for the NHS and it put me off for life 😂

One of the most well off people I know is a joiner with his own business, his wife is an accountant so I am sure she helps with the numbers….

It’s really good that they have both secured apprenticeships, few 15 year olds have the motivation to do that for themselves. It is easy to stay in school and not make any decisions, go to uni do a generic degree and then really struggle to get a decent job at the other side. That’s what happened to me 😑

Your son has the potential to earn a lot of money if that is what you are worried about. Your daughter less so unfortunately, it’s societies problem that the people we trust to care for our children are paid so poorly. As others have said council positions are paid better and there are the odd higher up well paid positions. She could always do the apprenticeship and see how she feels, she always has the option to go to college to do her highers and then potentially uni to do teaching. There really is no rush. I personally will be encouraging my children to keep their options open and to really consider apprenticeships.

I honestly don’t know anyone that does the same job as their parents. I must be living a sheltered life 😂

There’s a lot of it in our family. Nursing and the armed forces feature heavily.

I don't think being sheltered has anything to do with it either way really.

FIL learnt his trade from his dad and passed it down to his sons and grandsons. He's well into retirement now but DH still gets work based on his family name and reputation.

In my family it was medicine and teaching that were "passed down" though in my case, my parents working for the NHS just put me off completely!