To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

I would have thought an apprenticeship in childcare could be an advantage to further qualifications such as childrens nursing or teaching. An apprenticeship in joinery will be with him forever but could lead onto other qualifications in the building industry or surveying. Both have chosen apprenticeships that could lead to other things. I would not be disappointed.

If you can earn a decent living doing something you enjoy then life doesn’t get much better.

My DD is bright, she got all 8s and 9s at GCSE.(9s in 3 sciences and maths....but she doesn't enjoy them)
She chose to do arty/ creative subjects at A levels and is going to do a creative subject at uni because that's what she enjoys.
I can't pretend I wasn't a tiny bit disappointed that the average earnings for a graduate in the course she chose is 18-21k!

So in other words you are disappointed they are not doing something academic? You see vocations like childcare and construction as ‘lesser’ careers. Jesus wept…
And I say that as someone who has a phd. But fully understanding that we need child minders and builders in our society!

As you've said - their working lives will be long. So isn't it best to do something they love?

Early years is not poorly paid with a starting salary of £32000 in local authority nurseries. There is huge demand for skilled and qualified staff across Scotland.

I'd be proud that they have their own ambitions and goals for the future. Maybe they will change their minds when they get their exam results and decide to stay on in school.

I would say both pathways have the potential to be very lucrative.

With the joinery your son can get himself set up in trade, maybe some business studies courses or bookkeeping when the time comes can help him to set himself up in business?

And your daughter could go down the route of nannying for wealthy families where she can earn a significant amount of money?

My ds did carpentry at college for two years,worked in a joinery firm during lockdown then had a change of heart. Joined the army last year and is now a paratrooper.
My 16 yr old is off to college in September to do plumbing.
I also have a daughter who didn't finish her first year of uni but has worked her way up in retail and is now manager of a well known pet shop.

It's hard to watch on,hoping your children will be high earners but actually the older two are doing what they enjoy and the older ine has just bought a house( shared ownership).
Be supportive and try and hide your disappointment. They will find their feet.

Hugely discourage your child to go in to childcare.

@Ringosandskinnywhips but it's also not poorly qualified either.

All the nursery managers I know have taken degrees in the last few years in order to meet the requirements, despite doing the job many years.

Of course this is an option but it's a lot easier to do a degree at 17/18 than to do it alongside working full time and raising your own family.

If their peers are still in full time education then of course they are going to have less money than someone working full time, that's not a fair comparison!

In 10/20/30 years time some of their Sixth form friends will potentially vastly out-earn your dc due to their additional education. Certainly not all of them and yes, your dc won't have uni debt (although OP is in Scotland so if her dc stayed there their debt could be very minimal) but you can't compare their circumstances now at 17/18 to their overall earning potential.

I wouldn't be disappointed by university and I'd be impressed that they're proactively making useful decisions BUT if my DC were capable of As (or 8/9s) at GCSE, then yes, I'd be disappointed if they didn't stay on for ALevels. I think that having those A Levels gives them more choices long term including going back to uni later in life if they want to and also, that they're still quite young to be making long-term life/career decisions that are relatively narrow.

Why ? Do children not deserve to be looked after by trained professionals or as I said before just as long as its someone else.

It's natural for your children to gradually become independent and break away into their own people that do things that you disagree with
And it's normal to be sad about it as you feel invested, of course!
But you are doing the right thing letting them live their life and being there to give them whatever support they need.

As someone working for a company selling timber and making gorgeous bespoke joinery projects, we will always want enthusiastic and talented joiners! I would be happy that at 15 they've both found something that interests them.

DH and I are both professionals who were academically able children, both educated to PG standard and have ‘good jobs’ (ie. soul destroying but supposedly prestigious). We both hate our jobs and when we were renovating a house we realised we were using more than half our monthly income solely to pay the carpenter who is living life to the full and spends a quarter of the year on holiday.

As both your kids are clever and motivated they’ll likely rise faster, go further and with more world-wide opportunities in the paths they’ve chosen than the ones we have. As you probably know Scotland has a serious shortage of skilled tradespeople, and your daughter could end up very well paid if she takes the right path and keeps progressing, our 40 y.o nursery manager did her first degree after having worked for twenty years and was at that point on £35k p.a. Presumably there was more to be earned, hence the degree?

Your boy sounds like he knows what he’s doing; design abilities + mathematically adept brain = master carpenter (and write your own pay-check). Also, they’re only young and may well go back to education in some vocational form before they’re done, if that matters.

PS I fucking wish my DS would consider a trade, he’s predicted As for a few of his Highers but wants to be an artist, has no practical abilities whatsoever, and needs fired out of a cannon to get himself to school on time of a morning. Can yours spare some get-up-and-go?

🙄 Would anyone really want their child to go into a career that often has bad pay and conditions, for them to struggle to pay their bills in the future?

Do you have a link for this? A brief look at indeed showed the majority of ELP vacancies at around £11 per hour.

Plus people seem to be missing the fact that yes, lucrative childcare jobs exist but they are also very competitive. The expensive nannies can change that much because they have additional skills/qualifications. If you are wealthy enough to afford a £70k nanny are you going to choose the applicant who left school at 16 or the one who has a degree in childhood psychology/music/modern languages (which they can teach to your child)?

This is so, so true.

Life won’t be very enjoyable on a low income.

Have a look at some of the high end kitchens by Tom Howley etc, look at the cost and then rethink that joinery isn’t a stepping stone to making mega bucks!!!

What makes you think they are not ambitious?

Depends on how much you care about money. The happiest person I know is also the poorest. Money doesn’t motivate everyone.

Don't be obtuse.

If you are bright and have other choices available to you, why would you settle for £22/25k a year for the rest of your life.