To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

DH is a pilot and would very happily go back to being an electrician again..! He is seriously considering it. Better money, better hours, don’t have to be away from home 24/7, less stress - I could go on!

OP I understand what you mean, but having gone to a top uni myself, I now see (late 30s) that it really doesn't necessarily mean anything. People can do all sorts of different things with different backgrounds. I know a couple of people who are doing basically nothing / had a breakdown / are SAHPs / have low paying jobs who went to Oxbridge... then I know people who coasted through school and low level uni, getting average grades, who are now earning big bucks as they suddenly became ambitious in their early-mid twenties. And everything in between.

The builder who helped with our house lives in a mansion in the next village - much nicer/bigger house than ours.

As long as your kids are happy and working hard, that's all I'd worry about for now. Top uni really isn't the be all and end all, trust me.

Agree with pps - joinery sounds fantastic and based on your DS’s predictions it looks like he has a real aptitude for it. I think trades are an excellent choice - can be very well-paid, flexible, rewarding, can really turn off at the end of the day. You should be proud!

And of your daughter too of course but I do agree with others that childcare is so low paid. If she stayed on a little longer she could aim for a degree that gave her more options in childcare and it sounds like she would be academically capable of that. Perhaps talk it through with her a bit more.

I take it you’re unaware of the earning potential of a joiner then?

Your son could go on to earn a good wage. I’d be more concerned about your daughter as childcare pay/conditions aren’t often very good. I wouldn’t be disappointed as such and money isn’t everything, but life is so much easier if you have a decent income.

I’d be a bit sad if my kids didn’t push themselves a bit but you have to let them make their own choices. If they’re happy, that’s important. Life has lots of twists and turns, they’re so young, lots could change yet.

My husband is a carpenter. Started his own business 25 years ago. He’s extremely ambitious and driven. It’s given us a very comfortable lifestyle. We own our own home outright and have done since our mid thirties. His sister has 2 degrees and does earn very well but we are on par financially. Manual work isn’t less , it doesn’t mean someone lacks ambition and can’t earn as well.

oh dear... your poor children!

they are high achievers at school.. they have choosen the field they wish to progress in and yet still you are disappointed in them!

i opened this thread thinking i was going to hear a story of 'my child won't go to school, refuses to do exams, takes drugs, drinks til all hours and mixes with the wrong crowd!'

being a parent and supporting a child isn't about you, its about them.. My youngest is just finished her 3rd degree in childcare, her speciality is SEND children under the age of 11! her job is a very specialist role, and it started with her doing a childcare apprenticeship.

how judegemental of you that 'doing childcare' is a lowly low paid job!! shame one you... talk to her, ask her what her end goal is and it might just surprise you.

my son in law did an apprenticeship in engineering.... he earned over the space of 3 weeks, after tax... £16,000! if thats low paid then i really do wonder?

give your head a shake

I bow down to your superior knowledge, I was just trying to convey that most likely for some professions you have an ambition from a young age, but others you fall into & so I'd always encourage a trade or apprenticeship, it can literally open the world to you

But probably well aware of the earning potential of a child care provider.

As long as they are aware of what jobs they can go on to get, and what kind of salaries they are looking at, the lifestyle this will give them. If they are happy with all of that then that's brilliant. If they think they wouldn't be happy and would want more, then need to aim for more.

It's fine for anyone to do it that doesn't mind living on the breadline.

Both of your children have apprenticeships lined up so at least they aren’t lazy!

I’ll admit that I would be a bit disappointed if my child wanted to go into childcare, not because I look down on it as a career, but because it’s hard work and severely underpaid so I would be worried about their future. But ultimately if that’s what your daughter wants to do and she’s passionate about it then so be it.

As for joinery, obviously it’s a blue collar job so not as academic as law or medicine or whatever but my understanding is that trades are in high demand and short supply so could actually be quite lucrative in the long run? I know some very well-off electricians, plumbers, roofers, etc. If your son prefers hands-on work then pushing himself to go to university would not be a smart move.

I agree. They’re only 15, and they know what they want to do, I’d be delighted.

disagree about childcare... just because a young person does a 'chaildcare apprenticeship' doesnt mean all they will do for the rest of their lives is sing the wheels on the bus and change dirty nappys.

a qualification in chidlcare can lead to many great and well paid things, teacher, social worker, nurse im sure the list is endless... but this qualification has to start somewhere

YABU. Why go to university and rack up life crippling debt for vanity reasons. Your son may make a fortune from construction and your daughter will be doing something of undoubted social value. Be proud.

It's so hard for young people to know what they want to do in future. On the one hand apprenticeships are very much career focused at the moment and many people (like me) who went to uni in part because it was expected may not use their degree as much as they thought they would. On the other you don't want your children to sell themselves short either. I think nowadays it is common to have more than one career and they can always retrain in future, I'm studying a degree apprenticeship and will qualify in my mid 30's

Joiner is fine but childcare is very poorly paid - unless she is planning to be a private nanny. I would encourage your daughter to look at other options that involve working with children or education if that is what interests her.

If they are clever they can both have a fantastic self employed career ahead of them in those areas.

Its a lot easier to be successful if you go into something slightly below your abilities where you can stand out, shine and reach a high level in that area than it is to stretch to your limits just to be another adequate, mediocre performer.

Read my post again. I said ‘Life has lots of twists and turns, they’re so young, lots could change yet.’

I wouldn’t class a teacher, social worker and nurse as well paid though. I’ve been a teacher and a TA. Poor pay, poor conditions.

I think it’s still the case that many children end up in jobs quite similar (status/sector/pay) to their parents. You’re their main role models and examples of what’s possible.

With apprenticeships they’ll likely find themselves better off more quickly than some University graduates!

He’ll make more money as a joiner or other trade in years to come as AI eats up jobs like solicitors accountants judges etc!! No robot can saw wood and walk around.

Bear in mind that I'm not 100% on the Scottish system but my understanding is highers = equivalent to a levels?
So they are both planning on leaving school at 16 to do apprenticeships.

In which case i agree with you -15/16 is so young to decide what they want to do with the rest of their lives. It's fine to think "ah working with kids is fun and sweet" at 16 when the most you've done is babysit for a few hours, less so when you're 40 and knackered from bending over for 25 years, your classmates are earning well while you're still on minimum wage.

If they have the grades and abilities higher qualifications will give them so many more opportunities. If at 18 they then decide to do the same apprenticeships -great. Well done to them for knowing what they want and successfully getting apprenticeships. But in 5/10/20 years if they then want to change jobs they have their highers as a back up, rather than potentially having to take them. If your dd decided she wanted to become a teacher for example, presumably she'd have to do her highers first before going to uni?

So 5 years studying and not earning a wage while she potentially has a family to support rather than 3.

Someone said "Who is to say that your DD won't end up running a chain of childcare centres?" She absolutely could. But for all the "intermediate" steps like just become promoted to supervisor, manager etc she will likely be at a disadvantage compared to someone who had the same experience PLUS qualifications. If she wants to own her own chain she might want to do some sort of business degree or qualification which again might want highers as a starting point before you can even apply.

It's a lot easier to just get these qualifications aged 17/18 while your parents are still supporting you than go back to college in your 30s/40s. If they then still decide to do apprenticeships absolutely be proud of them.

My nephew is a joiner (qualified boat builder but generally joinery these days). He has an amazing quality of life, earns really well, sets his own hours, takes his dog with him everywhere. He is so skilled and has won awards for his work on listed buildings and churches.

I wish more young people would consider trades as a career. I worked in higher education for a few years and it was depressing to see the waste of potential of young people doing expensive but often low value degrees.