To be sad neither of my kids are very ambitious

[EmsieJoe]

I have twins, they are 15 and they start their national 5 exams this week. They are both smart kids, predicted A in over half of their subjects like English, Art, Geography and Modern Studies for DD. DS is predicted A in Maths, Practical Woodworking and Design and Manufacturing and Graphic Communication.
DD was originally going to stay on, and do highers, but she's now applied to do an apprenticeship in Childcare and DS has an apprenticeship in Joinery lined up.

I can't help but feeling a little sad that they aren't trying to achieve more. I'm a nurse and DH is a painter and decorator, I really wanted them to use the brains they are blessed with and achieve more but now it seems they will be in relatively low earning jobs.

AIBU to feel sad and like they are wasting their potential?

I think it’s a mistake not to stay on and finish school. With those grades they are capable of doing highers and if they decide to go to uni at a later date, they will need highers.

As others have said, I’d be less worried about the joinery as there are far more oppportunities to advance, set up a business, and eventually earn good money.

In childcare it will always be hard work for minimum wage with little scope for advancement.

Has she thought about primary teaching, child psychology, speech therapy , or something like that, where she could still work with children but earn a better living?

If she stayed and got her highers she could even do the childcare for a while but she’d have the option of applying to uni in a couple of years if she wanted.

There’s a shortage coming up of (they predict) a million jobs in trades! Flip me a good joiner who goes on and becomes a master builder running projects with a good reputation could easily make six figures a year. My builder drives a far, far nicer car than we do!

And childcare - nannying? £50k a year in london? She could probably name her price as a British nanny in UAE/Qatar similar. There’s a great AMA from a British nanny in the Middle East if you want to look it up. She could do the US J1 before that and work in an American summer camp, she could eventually live in for a wealthy family and save her salary - it can be a fantastic way to see the world! My friends in london talk about ‘the nanny’ in hushed voices: what does she need, how can they make her happy - they know their ability to go to work depends on her.

Fifteen years ago I heard a story of a hedge fund manager who loved her maternity nanny (supposed to be short term as ££££) so much she just kept her on at £70k pa.

If you are bright, honest, driven and hardworking you can make a fortune doing almost anything if you are prepared to be very strategic about it. If they are turning down £60k of student debt from degrees they don’t want to do, then it sounds like they are already on their way.

If they do go down these routes then encourage good business skills. Joinery is fine but if he gets a shoulder injury he's screwed unless he has learnt how to network and expand his business so he becomes a manager, this also allows for career longevity.

Same with childcare. I'm guessing you earn more in the management positions. Or you can charge more as a childminder if you have a good sense of how to market yourself.

If they're both choosing to do something that they will enjoy that will give them enough money to live off, I don't see the problem. Many "ambitious" people end up exhausted and miserable because not everyone can be a millionaire by 30, for example (extreme example I know but YSWIM).

Joinery is good money these days, tried getting a joiner recently in Scotland? My sons friend did his apprenticeship in joinery the other in plumbing both doing really well and both earning a lot more than him (welding apprenticeship)

op, your kids are doing what they want to do…they have made their choices and tbh as long as they are happy and know what they want to do I’d be happy with that. I have 4 boys all clever but not sure if any will go to university and ‘achieve’ academically, that also doesn’t equate to having money as plenty graduates aren’t on big money either or are even doing a job related to their degree. I’ve got one son heading for specialist schooling so likely won’t work etc when older but if he’s happy and healthy then you can only be there for them.

I wonder if your parents thought the same about you? And how you would have felt about that.

Beware of letting this attitude show to your children - I had a mother with a similar view about my career choices and it caused considerable damage to our relationship (although I'm sure she would have just said she 'only wanted the best for me'). It was always funny to me that she wouldn't want us to consider her as 'less than' for not wanting and/or building a high-flying career, but somehow I was failing for exactly the same? Make it make sense.

It sounds like your children have been proactive in choosing these paths rather than just falling into them, so the best thing you can do is accept them for who they are and support their choices. They may not end up in those jobs in the long run, but the feeling of being supported and having someone believe in them will stay with them forever.

You will get flamed on here but I can understand how you feel. My kids have all been through various stages of wanting careers such as childcare, dog groomer, vet nurse and others I can't remember. I've been trying to tell them to visualise the life they want and how they can achieve that life, such as if they work in childcare which is low paid, then they might find it enjoyable but they certainly won't be able to buy a house by themselves or finance much international travel or have an expensive car etc.

It's very difficult as life is so expensive nowadays. There is a huge amount of value in having a career you love but if that means you will be living paycheck to paycheck then it might cancel out the job satisfaction.

So yes the childcare apprenticeship would worry me but I think there is a huge amount of potential in the joinery apprenticeship.

I quite often think of a career change but I’d have to go into something that doesn’t involve qualifications. It’s a real stumbling block that I already have a degree - a degree I essentially done to keep my parents happy. It’s not the 1960s any more. A degree (even mine from a half decent uni/ ‘real’ degree) doesn’t ensure constant well paid employment. I bloody hated it, I often think of the shit advice I got that lead to half heartedly taking the route I did.

I hate working behind a screen all day. Some reason my family think I’ve made it as I sit on meetings or excel all day. I’m not even well paid. I’m now on maternity with no intention of going back. Mediocre wage to be stressed 5 days a week with constant overnight travel.

Just because some who work in childcare work for minimum wage, doesn’t mean everyone does. I know the royal nannies certainly don’t. My friend who started down that route but now is an educational psychologist is definitely not on NWM. What’s the worst thing what will happen if she does an apprenticeship, realise working in a nursery isn’t for her? She’ll have a lot of transferable skills and real work experience.

My DCs both did apprenticeships and are both now in well-paid jobs in industries which are crying out for workers. Some of DDs friends are still in sixth-form and are very envious of her wealth/no debts. I know we need people with degrees and and certificates, but those people need decent childcare etc. Be proud of your apprentices.

I'd be very concerned if my child wanted to do an apprenticeship in child care. The pay is low, working conditions often demanding and little scope for a career. Carpentry is a different matter, prospects there seem good.

Hopefully they will be happy and fairly local to you? Also first jobs are not going to define their entire life.

I reflect on my academic and ambitious peers, none remained local and rarely see family, some are in different continents. The local ones seem happy, always posting photos of family meals etc.

It sounds like their Nat 5's are more vocationally orientated ? Also Uni degrees unless Medicine, Law Accountancy are no guarantee of graduate level employment.

*I'd be very concerned if my child wanted to do an apprenticeship in child care. The pay is low, working conditions often demanding and little scope for a career.
@Astrabees *

I agree with this. Its an admirable career but I would worry she's needlessly limiting herself to a hard life.

Have you spoken to her and shared your concerns?

Is this some kind of ironic or reverse post @EmsieJoe?
It's amazing that they both have apprenticeships lined up and are also predicted to get a good set of Nat5 passes! Well done to them.

It’s an excellent career. Have you seen what bespoke kitchens cost? I’d be very happy to have kids who want to contribute something tangible rather than push paper around. My graduate career made zero difference to anything.

An apprenticeship in childcare doesn't mean she will always be in the low paid end of child care - it may well open doors to other avenues of study/careers. Also, shouldn't we be trying to ensure childcare workers are paid better instead of discouraging people into a much needed role?

They sound wise to me and you sound vv unreasonable.

I have no issue with the joinery apprenticeship. Lots of routes to go, decent earning potential. Potential to own your own business.

Sadly the more female focused apprenticeships don't offer the same prospects. Childcare is poorly paid and even experienced pre school managers are having to take degrees part time up here.

If she doesn't want academic then I'd encourage hairdressing or beauty which have the potential to rent a chair or run your own business.

Your DS will probably do very well for himself particularly if he can specialise in some dying part of the trade.

With your DD I would start sowing the seed of what else she can do once she's finished the course opposed to just working at the local low paid nursery. They'll still probably be low paid but with come with gaining some life experience and travelling which are great transferable skills employment at summer camps and outdoor activity instructor in the UK, Camp America, and longer term working abroad at hotels, on ski or beach resorts or on cruise ships as a child carer, working as an au pair or nanny. Or specialising as a play therapist at a hospital or specifically nannying children with SEND. To be a nanny for well to do / celebrity families etc if that's what interests her then Norland or degrees in relevant child related areas are likely to be essential

@Helar i agree with you

I would never feel sad, whatever makes my kids happy is fine with me and hubby. We have twins and 2 singles, to of our children have started very good apprenticeships and the other 2 are plodders and all they want to do is one work in a supermarket and one wants to garden. If that makes them happy then I have no problem with it. If they only wanted to be lazy couch potatoes that would require a butt kick haha

I went to university and stufied for years. Huge student debts and I still make less money than my friend who became a hairdresser and I work more hours

Surely its more important that they are happy?

I come from the sort of background where the girls went off to do childcare and the boys went into building.

Those boys are now doing well, but the girls...either married to men with NMW jobs and gave up theirs on birth of children or struggling to survive on their own as single mums.

It just feels a bit vulnerable for a girl to leave education without getting as much out of it as they can. It's all very well middle class professionals on here pretending that they respect retail and childcare workers....but they don't, not really. ANd certainly wouldn't want their daughters if they are being very honest.
Education always means options and if you're a girl, education is even more important because so many women find themselves in positions where they have none.
You are not unreasonable, OP. You need to talk to your daughter and give her a dose of reality as a low paid childcare worker.

This, this, this.

Uni is a waste of time and money other than for some very specific jobs. And even then, people either change their mind or can’t actually get those jobs anyway.

Apprenticeships are they way forwards. Probably not all of them will lead to something high paying, but many can and do. Might need some extra drive like setting up own business etc but there’s definitely potential.

These days there’s also “white collar” apprenticeships as well to get into things like finance or IT.

Childcare is such a low paid profession and unlikely to ever become much more as so devalued by society. I would be concerned too ... although if get decent grades can always go to uni later..
Would be good experience to go into teaching or other education/social care fields

Re joiner ... Will be work if good and likely to be better paid than childcare....

Uni isn't for all and maybe they just want a break from education and a job /cash in pocket and to feel like adults...I know I did... But statiscally better paid jobs need degrees these days..

If that's their motivation then they need that at home too so contribute to the household costs etc

They have plenty of time to find their path...