To not go on holiday with stepchild?

[Ponnnder8]

My parents are taking mine and DHs child away this year on quite a big special holiday.

DH is now asking that whilst they are away, we take my stepchild away by ourselves, DHs son. I have said no.

I don't want to go away without my child and would rather wait until our DC is back and all go together. I have never asked DH to go away without DSS so I don't think I should be asked to go away without ours.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable not to spoil DSS this time because our child is getting a special holiday. But I just do not want to go unless our child goes too.

Nope. Thats not fair. You should take them all away at another time.

How old are all the children?

I don’t think Yabu. Maybe your DH could take SS away just the 2 of them even if it was a cheaper holiday like a haven caravan or camping. Then you all do something together.

Is it during school holidays? How long for?

I don’t see a problem with the three of you all going away together. Maybe you could do age appropriate stuff with dss which your dc wouldn't normally enjoy.

I don't understand - are your parents taking your child plus one of your stepchildren, but not the second stepchild?

FWIW i think YANBU - I wouldn't want to go without my child either.

But why was second DSC left behind from your parents' holiday?

No my parents are just taking our joint child.

I don't see how it's any different to DSS going away with his mum and then also coming with us (as is what happens). We don't go "perfect, he's going away with his mum so we don't need to invite him with us then this year".

And I just don't want to holiday without my child. It wouldn't be fun for me.

Ahh I see. YANBU. It would feel weird to your joint child to get the big grandparents holiday but at the expense of missing out on your other family holiday. I think your DH should go away with his child just the two of them, and/or you can plan another holiday with all four of you when your DC is back.

I would just tell him it is a perfect opportunity for a 'lad's weekend' and then chill at home by myself or do something I wanted to do.

Yabu. As you said, dss goes with his mum. He could possibly go with his grandparents or other family too. That's fine.
Going away together without either of your and dh's dcs is a different matter.

It's no different to DSS going away eith his mum or mum's relatives and you wouldn't feel the need to take your DC away at the same time. But I'd think it would be a good opportunity for DH to have some 1-1 time with DSS.

You are not being unreasonable!

Argh I meant to say Yanbu.

I have actually suggested he go with DSS by himself but he doesn't want to. He wants us to make a fuss of him. To be honest, I think he's feeling a bit bad that our child is getting a special holiday (yes it's disney/universal etc.. - don't come for me!!) and DSS isn't. He won't admit it outright but I strongly suspect he's a bit wounded DSS isn't going. But we can't afford it ourselves and it wouldn't be reasonable to expect my parents to take SS so it just is what it is.

Maybe an opportunity for him to take DSS away for a couple of days just him? I wouldn’t want to go away either; I think a day out spoiling him would be nice though

It’s a difficult scenario but if DSS mum or maternal grandparents took him away on a holiday like that it’d be the same for your DC, it’s one of those things.

That is harsh. One step sibling going to Disney. One step sibling staying home going nowhere. Assume it's school holidays though you've not stated ages.

Exactly! This is what I think. It just is what it is. I'm not going to try and desperately make up for it by leaving our child out of a family holiday as I don't feel anything is being done wrong.

I’d flat out tell him, “I couldn’t imagine asking to go on a family vacation without SS because he went on a holiday with his grandparents. Why would you think it’s okay to do to our child? You’re basically punishing our kid for having a holiday.”

He should take his child away. I wouldn’t go on holiday without my child either.

Thing is: some people have DSC who are teens and a mutual DC who is 4/5. It wholly depends on the age difference: if DGP are taking your mutual 4 yo DC to LEGOLAND, and your DSC is studying French for GCSE, you could absolutely benefit from a city break in Paris for example, without having to navigate such an experience with a much younger child.

But it could very easily happen the other way around? What if DSS's grandparents take him next year. Is it okay then to exclude him from our family holiday?

Ages are

Joint child -5
Step son - 12