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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

337 replies

Sosospring · 21/04/2024 21:06

We are a small group of friends who go out for dinner together every 2-3 months or so. It's just three couples so a small group. Anyway, one of them couldn't make the scheduled dinner so we have decided to invite the rest to our house for a dinner party. We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work. I thought it went well, everyone was laughing and the food was good. Although one of them was still very hangover from a couple of days earlier and one was very tired from traveling for work..I understand this and any occasional yawns because people are tired from work and having kids. But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening. If we ever happen to go to theirs for a party, we always make sure to send a thank you text the day after and so does everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to feel quite upset about receiving nothing at all? Is it normal?

OP posts:
FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 21/04/2024 21:09

Everyone has a different idea of normal I guess?

For me, saying thank you as they left is absolutely enough, I wouldn't expect a text saying exactly the same thing the next day.

But we're all different.

moonlitmaze · 21/04/2024 21:10

They did thank you though.

Arlanymor · 21/04/2024 21:11

If everyone brought something with them and said thank you on the night then that would be fine with me. Sunday is always a tricky day because people are preparing for the week ahead (and possibly getting over the Saturday night). If anyone had texted since and not mentioned it then maybe that might feel a bit odd, but if no one has texted I think they are literally just busy and up to their eyeballs at the end of the weekend. Most important thing is that you all had a good time - plus if the same situation arises again, you've done your turn, so you'll get to be the guest for the next few occasions and can relax and enjoy!

FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:11

I would always text the following day to thank the host.

GinForBreakfast · 21/04/2024 21:11

They said thank you!

Zanatdy · 21/04/2024 21:12

Not everyone will follow up the next day, they said thank you so your title isn’t correct.

Londonrach1 · 21/04/2024 21:13

Did they thank you when leaving..

DappledThings · 21/04/2024 21:13

They said thank you. Saying it again via second medium is just overkill.

EmmaEmerald · 21/04/2024 21:13

I’ve kind of been you OP

i have learned that my ideas on thanks are old fashioned and nobody cares if you’ve cooked. I won’t be bothering again even if I do find new friends.

SmallIslander · 21/04/2024 21:13

They did thank you in person. I think that should suffice. Obviously texting is a modern method of communication so the etiquette isn't as well established. Before we had texting would you have called or written to someone after thanking them in person for a meal they hosted? I'm no specialist on this, but I would guess not?

betterangels · 21/04/2024 21:14

Misleading title. They thanked you.

hopscotcher · 21/04/2024 21:14

I think it's probably normal (they did thank you last night), but I wouldn't like it either. 😄

shepherdsangeldelight · 21/04/2024 21:15

Wouldn't even occur to me to send a thank you text when I'd thanked the hosts in person. Thank you texts are for when you haven't seen the person ...

Even if texting is normal amongst your friendship group can I suggest that feeling "quite upset" about the lack of one, is rather an overreaction? It sounds like it was a good evening and people were appreciative. What does getting a text add?

MyRobotFriend · 21/04/2024 21:15

They did thank you as they left?

Splat92 · 21/04/2024 21:15

If I'd already said thank you in person I wouldn't think that I'd have to say it again? Doesn't mean I'm not thankful, I just don't get why you would have to say it twice.

Savoretti · 21/04/2024 21:17

So just one couple came? So it would only have been one text anyway?
and you said they were both tired or hungover so probably just chilling today

FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:17

Before texts I would have rung or sent a thank you card.@SmallIslander

NiceDay2024 · 21/04/2024 21:18

I wouldn’t expect a text the next day. People don’t generally do formal thank yous any more I find. A lot of people wouldn’t think to even send a text. If they had a good time and said thank you when they left, it probably never occurred to them.

theeyeofdoe · 21/04/2024 21:19

We have a couple of friends who don't text, but they actually send a card - which is very sweet.

Tarteline843 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Each to their own but I don’t think saying thank you when you leave is enough when someone has invited you to their home and shopped, cooked and served three courses. It’s expensive to host a dinner party nowadays and takes a lot of effort.

I would usually send a text or an email thanking the host the next day, or put a thank you card through their door if they lived locally.

People are not taught good manners any more, YANBU op.

I guess the only difference here might be that if this is part of a series of meet ups, and you were filling in a gap as it were, your guests might have framed this in their minds as “regular meet up” rather than “special night out”.

YeahComeOnThen · 21/04/2024 21:20

FiveShelties · 21/04/2024 21:11

I would always text the following day to thank the host.

@FiveShelties why? You've already said 'Thank you' at the time.

@Sosospring Don't do it if you don't enjoy it. Thank you when the leave is sufficient.

NiceDay2024 · 21/04/2024 21:21

I don’t think people do thank you cards for a meal. That is definitely old fashioned. Many people don’t even do cards for Christmas or birthdays any more.

OVienna · 21/04/2024 21:21

Tarteline843 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Each to their own but I don’t think saying thank you when you leave is enough when someone has invited you to their home and shopped, cooked and served three courses. It’s expensive to host a dinner party nowadays and takes a lot of effort.

I would usually send a text or an email thanking the host the next day, or put a thank you card through their door if they lived locally.

People are not taught good manners any more, YANBU op.

I guess the only difference here might be that if this is part of a series of meet ups, and you were filling in a gap as it were, your guests might have framed this in their minds as “regular meet up” rather than “special night out”.

Totally agree.

Absurdgiraffe · 21/04/2024 21:21

They did thank you.

I would send a card rather than text, though.

DappledThings · 21/04/2024 21:22

I'd find it really overblown and cringy if someone thanked me on the way out and sent a card as well. Like they were trying to make something that had been fun weirdly formal.

A text wouldn't be so weird but definitely unnecessary.

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