To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

[Sosospring]

We are a small group of friends who go out for dinner together every 2-3 months or so. It's just three couples so a small group. Anyway, one of them couldn't make the scheduled dinner so we have decided to invite the rest to our house for a dinner party. We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work. I thought it went well, everyone was laughing and the food was good. Although one of them was still very hangover from a couple of days earlier and one was very tired from traveling for work..I understand this and any occasional yawns because people are tired from work and having kids. But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening. If we ever happen to go to theirs for a party, we always make sure to send a thank you text the day after and so does everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to feel quite upset about receiving nothing at all? Is it normal?

@WhatWouldJeevesDo nope. 1992! It refers to faxes and 'mobile telephones'

Out of curiosity, who are people having dinner parties with? Who are people inviting to their house?
I’m in my 30s and don’t really have ‘acquaintances’. I have very close friends, and we are very secure in our friendships*

I think it's extremely unusual to live in such a closed circle (small village where you lived all your life maybe?) that you don't have any "acquaintances".
I have acquaintances who are: recently moved in neighbours, people at work who I don't know that well, parents of my children's friends, people I know through hobby groups, friends of friends that I've not met very often.

Interesting that thank you letters were said to be on the increase in 1992! I wonder if that was the peak.

We host maybe 2/3 times a month and are hosted maybe a bit more.

Who? Well we moved to this country 6 years ago. We live in a small community. We made a concerted effort to make friends. We host and are hosted by a wide range of people. Friends and their partners from my book club, dog friends we've met on the beach, people we've met in the pub, work colleagues, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends! Neighbours from this house and the last two houses we lived in. We make the effort to have people here. Most of the time it's very informal with, now close friends, pizza or spaghetti bol and a crap tonne of cocktails and wine and cheese.

Other times we mix it up and invite people we don't know well but want to get to know more. Sometimes it's a full on 10 people, three courses, with people who don't know each other or are just acquaintances we think might get on ( we select carefully). We sometimes pay for caterers in that instance who take over the kitchen while we mill around with drinks.

If people make positive noises when eating, leave happy and slightly drunk and tell me they've enjoyed themselves when leaving I'm very happy. Most people come with gifts of bubbles, wine, flowers or bits for the table like a favourite cheese for the cheese board or some home made dip.

Sometimes I get a text the next day (usually to tell me how hung over they are) with a further thanks which is lovely but I would say it's about 40/50% of the time. If I don't get one I'm not at all bothered and TBH it's a ball ache having to then respond to their thanks with more thanks.

An invite back is the best thanks I can have!

@WhatWouldJeevesDo possibly. The author considers the 'current trend for meaningless exchange of thank you letters from small children for gifted novelties' to be a modern pain.

Nevertheless he considers a faxed thank you, 'even when handwritten', unspeakable.

No mention of texts but I suspect he considers all electronic transmission to be extremely gauche.

Conclusion. Don't bother sending a thank you as it's a massive bother. Definitely don't do it electronically lest you be considered common.

Gavel.

Having old fashioned views about women can hardly be the equated to what you are terming old fashioned views about manners.

Manners are about showing respect and courtesy. I would hope showing those should not change.

I agree with other who say that just saying thanks on leaving is an automatic response and takes no effort or forethought. Following up the next day does.

It's not about the OP wanting multiple thanks or accolades and those saying that are completely missing the point. It's about taking a bit more time to show you appreciated what someone has done for you and the OP feeling appreciated as a result.

Quite frankly find some of the responses here a depressing reflection on how society seems ro be going.

Good man!

They said thank you!

They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening.

How many times do you expect to be thanked? I opened the thread expecting to be outraged on your behalf. Now I read that they thanked you at the time and that you want a further thanks.

Thats not no thanks for your efforts , that's being picky about how you were thanked and completely outside your control.

Sorry you were disappointed but I don't think they have done anything g really wrong.

If you really want a text response, you could thank them all for their company by text, they would be bound to thank you for the thanks.

Generally speaking if I’m invited to someone’s home for dinner I pitch up with flowers, a nice bottle Of something and a treat for the host. I will thank them at the end of the evening having lavished praise on the food throughout regardless of how praiseworthy it is, because effort. Those are my defaults - unless we were particularly close I probably wouldn’t follow up the next day with a message, but for close friends or family a thankyou card or text might follow depending on the age of our host - older people seem to like cards better. I guess what I’m saying is people have their own expectations - providing folk said thank you on the night I think the OP is reading too much into the silence

What is it with everyone resurrecting ancient threads today?