To be so disappointed about not being thanked for a dinner party

[Sosospring]

We are a small group of friends who go out for dinner together every 2-3 months or so. It's just three couples so a small group. Anyway, one of them couldn't make the scheduled dinner so we have decided to invite the rest to our house for a dinner party. We put a lot of time, money and effort to get the best food, cook all three courses from scratch, get expensive wines etc... it was a lot of money and work. I thought it went well, everyone was laughing and the food was good. Although one of them was still very hangover from a couple of days earlier and one was very tired from traveling for work..I understand this and any occasional yawns because people are tired from work and having kids. But aibu to be really upset about not having received even one text today to thank us for the evening? They obviously all said thank you as they left last night but the silence today felt a bit deafening. If we ever happen to go to theirs for a party, we always make sure to send a thank you text the day after and so does everyone else. Am I being unreasonable to feel quite upset about receiving nothing at all? Is it normal?

I’ve definitely seen this posted before.

YABU. They thanked you. They don’t need to thank you twice.

No this is all still OTT. It’s a meal at someone’s house.

You are wanting to be Thanked twice ?

If your group dynamic is for there always to be thanks in the group chat the next day and the day after you've hosted is the first time there's been radio silence, I can see why you'd be a bit perplexed.

I’m still struggling to understand how many people were at this dinner party, you are three couples and one couldn’t make a scheduled date so the others came to you for dinner – so only one couple? I don’t understand why you are expecting multiple texts, surely it’s just one couple who haven’t texted? In which case it could be a genuine oversight or they are nursing their hangovers or they’ve had a ridiculously busy day?

I am not sure why you keep repeating that you are not British. I would have thanked you by message next morning. So YANBU

Whoops. I never do the “second, written thank you”. Didn’t realize it was a common expectation.

Not British. I mostly do a quick "thanks for having us " call. No more than 2 minutes. (Was lovely last night thanks again , chat chat ..... got to run was great to see everyone , thanks again,) type call. I am old though ( in my 50's). I feel rude if I dont .

I stopped sending thank you notes decades ago, when I realised I wasn't getting them back. The protocol has changed, it doesn't bother me. I really enjoy hosting and being hosted: the evening is its own reward.

I agree OP hosting is alot of work and people do know this so should send a thank you text the next day. All my friends do this.

It's because people are so self absorbed these days Sosospring and don't think beyond the basic manners for 'what they get' . They think just saying 'thank you' as they leave absolves them from anyone effort.

Thank goodness I have thoughtful friends who would never dream of coming to a hosted event - be that coffee ( bring some sort of biscuit:cake ) or dinner. (Bring flowers/wine/fancy cheese biscuits) ... and for something like a dinner party that requires a lot of work, a 'thank you text! the next day is the minimum I would send and if I have some, I'd pop a thank you card in the post. (Considerbly less effort than hosting)

I host a lot of dinners for friends. Some text some send cards, some do nothing. It doesn't mean anything other than the personal culture and family background of the friend. I wouldn't read anything into it. Personally I don't bother to say thanks next day as I think it's not required and I've already said thanks in person

No need for a text. A card is unnecessary.
They thanked you after the evening.
That is enough.
Move on.

Oh, and to the person/people who keeps asking why it is relevant that the OP isn't British: because things like this are deeply cultural and, as she pointed out, cards in particular are a British thing.

I'm not British either and the double thanking thing is quite a British habit

😅😂

I would normally message the next day to say thank you. But I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't. I'd assume either they were busy or forgot.

OP is not British. Neither are her friends so if only the British do double thank yous why is OP upset that her non British friends only thanked her once? 🤔

If they said thank you when they left why do you need a text too? It sounds a bit much, I wouldn’t even think about it. I don’t have people for dinner so I can bask in the glow of a thank you text message.

I'd definitely send a text, would feel rude not to.

YANBU, we always text thank you afterwards and vice versa.

Please don’t invite them again, unless they’ve reciprocated with an equally lovely meal.

Don't invite them again? Would you seriously end a friendship because people thanked you for a meal, but just didn't text?
Really?.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It takes seconds to ping a text saying ‘Great to see you last night, thanks for hosting’ or words to that effect. Especially as you say they usually do this after a night out.

I would always text a thank you the following day. I went with four others to a friend for supper on Friday night. She is a single lady and had cooked three courses and served a lovely cheeseboard. Yes, I'm sure we had all taken gifts, wine, flowers etc but she had gone to considerable effort and expense so I would always thank by text the following day and before mobile phones would have sent a thank you note.

This may all be considered outdated but showing appreciation for someone's efforts should never become outdated.

You are not being unreasonable OP.

Do you all usually thank each other by text the next day for a lovely evening when you've all been out?