To break up over this joke?

[hollyfrost]

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

so he actually made the joke?

or he chuckled after his friend said it?

Oh, wow. I hardly ever say LTB on here, but I'm saying it now!

Hell no...

I might not break up but there would be some serious discussion, and I would be carefully observing

Have you told him you were offended? For me it would depend on his reaction if you did.

I would also be wondering about what else is going on underneath the charming exterior.
Seriously, his judgement is waaaaay off.

Jesus. Context? He made the joke, someone else did and he laughed? I would talk to him about it.

How did you react?

Agreeing with the sentiment revealed his true character.

Bin.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Not necessarily indicative of future DV but does show a degree of misogyny which is giving me the ick. I would definitely have a word and see how he responds to your concerns. If he downplays the joke and minimises your feelings, get him gone.

Yanbu OP I would stay away from him if he thinks that be funny

That's not really a joke.

It's a statement, masquerading as a joke.

I wouldnt break up just over a one time joke. But I'd speak to him and tell him how I thought it was really off.

Is it supposed to be 'beat an egg' not 'beat up an egg'? Otherwise it doesn't even make sense as a play on words.

@hollyfrost

I think he sounds 🤔 he likes " to be one of the boys too",
with his mates having bantz,

I think you need to have a chat with him,

I would also follow @justtidying sound good advice too,

Vomit emoji inserted here.

Think he’s beating on his big ‘ol’ monkey chest here and trying to impress his mate 🦍

Well he’s a sensitive soul isn’t he? Have the last few years of discussion re DV completely passed him by? Does he not read about the effects of domestic violence on families, on children, how two women a week in the Uk are killed by partners or ex partners?

Does he watch much porn because he sounds someone who would see a bit of light slapping or strangling as appropriate foreplay. I think it is possible he told you that “joke” on purpose to see how you reacted. “She didn’t object so is probably up for a bit of rough stuff.”

I think waving a small red flag, however tentatively, is still waving a red flag. Find someone who has greater respect for women.

It’s really not 🙄

@StormingNorman

Totally agree with your emotionally intelligent good advice post 💯 per cent,
"You've hit the nail on the head",

I wished i listened to these kinds of red flags warnings
Red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

"Shitty 💩 so called jokes can be a predictor sign of Arsehole/emotional domestic abusive man.".

As Jimmy Carr says"making a joke about a terrible thing is not the same as the terrible thing".

Thanks everyone. To clarify, the conversation was about how he met up with his friends over Easter, and in his words the friend that made this joke (which he says they all found so funny) was one of the ‘most entertaining people he met’. I hope that makes sense

My reaction was quite cold and unimpressed but I didn’t question it and the conversation moved on. but I think he noticed I didn’t like it very much

I do agree this whole joke is badly worded which made me wonder if he didn’t quite understand it as I did (his first language isn’t English) but I can’t think of any other remotely amusing way he could have understood it

anyway thanks all for the help, I’m relieved I’m not being ridiculous to be slightly bothered after this

I wouldn't hesitate to end it there, whether he told the joke or "just" laughed at it, my mum was a victim of DV. I remember the bruises. It's not funny.

When people show you who they are then believe them!

He's testing your limits of acceptable behaviour

Show him what they are

so he recounted a story to you which included this joke his friend said?