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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up over this joke?

196 replies

hollyfrost · 21/04/2024 15:56

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

OP posts:
Itsdeepitsblue · 21/04/2024 21:18

I’m thinking if my DH made this joke I’d probably eye roll and snigger, having said that we’ve been together 10+ years and he doesn’t have a violent bone in his body - so I would take it as just that, a joke. If he had said it during the dating period it would have put me off though.

OneTC · 21/04/2024 21:34

The joke is awful but the thing that always spins me is that how do I come across that people feel safe saying that kind of shite to me.

If a mate came out with that I'd cut em loose

Bigtrip2026 · 21/04/2024 21:44

I said a really insensitive offensive thing once thinking i was being 'funny'. The person I said it to really gave it to me at how crass my comment was. It makes me cringe now when I think about it. I am grateful to her for bringing me up short despite how uncomfortable I felt at the time. I learned my lesson. If your boyfriend sees your point of view and is respectful of it then there's hope for him but if he is dismissive of it I would give him a wide berth.

CurlewKate · 21/04/2024 21:51

@Itsdeepitsblue "I’m thinking if my DH made this joke I’d probably eye roll and snigger, having said that we’ve been together 10+ years and he doesn’t have a violent bone in his body"

Do you think that he might have made the joke?

LittleMonks11 · 21/04/2024 21:51

Harara · 21/04/2024 17:29

I would put on an innocent face/voice and ask him ‘hey, I’ve been wondering, the other day when you told me a joke about how funny it was to beat up women, was that because you expect me to think it’s funny to beat up women? Do you think it’s funny to beat up women?’ And see how he reacts.

That’s is you don’t just dump him first, which personally would be my reaction.

He'd probably tell her 'oh cheer up love, it was just a joke'

therealcookiemonster · 21/04/2024 21:55

he is testing your boundaries

ltb

2021x · 21/04/2024 22:02

I try to assume ignorance over malice, but that joke is pretty raw.

I think a good indication of whether a relationship is going to last the distance whether you have the same sense of humour. The fact this is not only tasteless to you and you are wondering about it the a few days later is indication that you are not losing anything in the long run.

You could try having a discussion with him, but it might not be worth your time, and would be ending things amicably now, rather than guessing everything he is saying and drive yourself mad.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 21/04/2024 22:03

Oh they always start off so kind and charming. This 'joke' was disgusting. I would not want to be with a man who found wife beating funny. He was testing your boundaries. Break up with this mysogynist.

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 22:06

hollyfrost · 21/04/2024 15:56

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

Defo LTB territory. Bin him!

SabreIsMyFave · 21/04/2024 22:06

Sorry! Didn't mean to quote the OP's first post!

Longma · 21/04/2024 22:12

Motomum23 · 21/04/2024 19:10

I think it's quite funny 😁

Can you explain in what way it's funny though?
What aspect of it?

LightSpeeds · 21/04/2024 22:22

I think this just about sums up many men's attitudes about violence against women. They simply don't care and it's not even on their radar as being an issue or something to think about.

No wonder you rarely or never hear men protesting about violence against women.

Noseybookworm · 21/04/2024 22:31

That would definitely give me pause for thought. Tell him exactly how you feel about the joke, it's not funny and you don't appreciate jokes about violence against women, no matter how 'harmless' it might seem. I wouldn't necessarily dump him over it but I would keep it in the back of my mind.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 21/04/2024 22:33

Whateveer · 21/04/2024 16:03

I wouldnt break up just over a one time joke. But I'd speak to him and tell him how I thought it was really off.

This

Motomum23 · 21/04/2024 22:50

Longma · 21/04/2024 22:12

Can you explain in what way it's funny though?
What aspect of it?

Show quote history

Its no different to any other offensive humour really. It's not meant to be an indication of the jokers actual thought process - a person who perpetuates domestic violence wouldn't tell it. Sure I can see how it might not be your cup of tea but then my husband found death and funeral jokes horrendous after bereavement where millions of other people laughed. We have entered a bizarre eon of society where apparently we must all be serious all the time and frankly dark humour gets a lot of people through the tough parts of their lives.

HOTD7383 · 21/04/2024 23:48

Honestly this sort of behaviour is why I stopped dating men years ago, switched to dating women and now would never turn back - what a fucking ick 🥴

pizzaHeart · 22/04/2024 00:04

It was a very bad attempt of joking.
I wouldn’t bother with him anymore, the combination of charm and these sort of jokes is very concerning. Just read it to DH twice - he didn’t get what was funny about it
What country your BF is from by the way? It could be a cultural norm for him ( and his friends )

Forflipssake24 · 22/04/2024 00:15

100% gone. What a mutt.

kkloo · 22/04/2024 02:03

It's not even funny.
But yet this man found it soooo hilarious that he then told you about it and how entertaining the man who told the joke was.

Bizarre. Is his friend Andrew Tate?

I can understand him laughing at the time, as people do sometimes laugh at jokes that aren't funny, especially if they were in the middle of a jokey conversation or in a funny mood with their friends, but to find the joke sooo good that he had to tell you about it...even though it's not funny?

No, definitely seems like he was testing your reaction or wanting to offend you. I wonder would he have called you crazy or made more 'jokes' about women if you'd reacted poorly.

TheNestedIf · 22/04/2024 02:40

If he thinks vaguely threatening, unfunny jokes are so hilarious, try him with this egg adjacent one (and then dump him)

What's the difference between a man and a henhouse?

A henhouse is just as happy without a cock.

LunaNorth · 22/04/2024 03:49

Red flag central.

My ex-DH recounted several jokes of this ilk to me when we first started dating. I was 18 and clueless. He’s a rampant misogynist who wasn’t very nice to me at all.

Drop him like the hot turd he is.

Beautiful3 · 22/04/2024 06:30

That's horrible. I remember a guy joking about cats in a horrible way, turned out he hated them and wasn't a nice guy. I think when people joke, it resonates with them for a reason.

LittleMonks11 · 22/04/2024 07:29

a person who perpetuates domestic violence wouldn't

You sure about that?

financialcareerstuff · 22/04/2024 09:56

Agree - serious red flag.

It is so bizarre that he'd think it was funny, and since English isn't his first language, I'd give him one chance... just ask him, in a fairly light way... heh so didn't really get that joke about the egg, can you explain it yourself me?' And unless it instantly becomes clear he totally doesn't understand it, I'd dump him

Newsenmum · 22/04/2024 09:57

hollyfrost · 21/04/2024 15:56

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

My husband genuinely wouldn’t find that funny. He’s bitched to me about guys like that . It’s not funny at all.

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