To break up over this joke?

[hollyfrost]

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

I remember a bloke I had just met making a joke along those lines over 30 years ago. Even at the tender and naive age of 18 I knew he was one to be avoided. I blanked him after that.

It's not even a joke because you don't 'beat up' an egg, you beat an egg - but maybe you've accidently misquoted. Not that it makes any difference as even if you tell it right it's still not funny is it? Basically the joke is saying it's funny to beat up a woman - what sort of person thinks that's hilarious? Only a twat OP.

When someone tell you who there are, listen.

Why would you laugh if you ‘beat’ a woman though - in the sense of ‘beating’ in a competitive sense? Isn’t it quite common for men to beat women in sports because they’re generally physically bigger and stronger? As it’s so common, and pretty much expected, I don’t know why it would be funny.

Jesus Christ.

I don’t understand how it’s funny though. There’s nothing about it that’s actually witty or clever or interesting.

Frankly, @Curiossir, if you are willing to state that this is just a joke, you are supporting the idea that it is OK to joke about violence against women.

I honestly think that there are some things which are not, nor should ever be, subjects for jokes - violence against women, rape, cruelty towards children or animals, for example. Making jokes about these things trivialises them, and makes them more acceptable in society. For example, I don’t think it is a huge step from joking about hitting a woman to thinking hitting a woman may be OK, to actually hitting a woman.

It may be just a joke, but in some areas of society, amongst some people, a joke is the first step on the slippery slope, imo.

....yes, I think that anything can be joked about. No, I do not support violence against women, or indeed anything/anyone. I do, however, think that its fine to joke about anything you like. Surely you can see the distinction.

I completely agree with this.

I’ve thought a lot of freedom of speech recently and how humour comes into that. Personally, I think that most things can be used as subject matter for jokes, although of course not everyone will find every joke funny.

However, I think that certain things should never be joked about, like the things you mention in your post, because it risks trivialising them and making them acceptable. E.g. cruelty against animals and children. This is partly because these jokes are rarely funny - if ever - they’re almost always very upsetting and also because children and animals - as the subject of the joke - won’t be in a position to make jokes about it themselves and they’re not in a position of ‘power’.

Having said that, I think people who’ve been affected by specific challenges and tragic events in their lives can make jokes about those things. It would probably be qualified as (very) dark humour, and wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste. I think it can be quite a powerful recovery tool for those people though, because it helps them to mock the event and to feel more in control of it. Of course, it doesn’t always work and is not always helpful, but it can sometimes be helpful.

I love black humour, but never when it’s me telling the joke at someone’s expense.

How can you make jokes about everything though? Surely there are many things that just aren’t funny at all?

I would say that all sorts of dark subjects can be funny, but context matters and which target it's hitting matters.

Punching down (where you're invited to laugh at victims, survivors, minorities etc) is a dick move. Doing it to be "edgy" is a dick move (especially those weak-ass whinge-bags who then cry about being called out on it afterwards).

Punching up, especially from a position of knowledge or experience, can be fine and funny.

Fuck that shit for a laugh, he sounds like an absolute moron.

What do you mean? It's a pun, as in to "beat" an egg when you mix it as an ingredient, or "beat" a person if you hit them. Also you get jokes which aim to get a laugh because of the shock factor, like "OMG, that's so OUTRAGEOUS, you're so BAD!!". Not my cup of tea, but really not that uncommon either, in the UK at least. If you have to have the joke explained, I guess it's not your humour!

Obviously the OP does have an issue with it though, she doesn't have to date the guy. For me and a lot of other people, it wouldn't be enough to break up over. But for others it's clearly a deal-breaker, which is fine too. Part of the dating process!

Yeah but it's a shit pun. If you remove the shock value then it's got nothing. I was trying to think if you could make it funny by swapping woman for something else, which if it's simply a play on words should work fine, but that just reveals how much of a shit play on words it is.

Jokes that are just the shock are generally rubbish and people thinking that's what constitutes comedy are generally kinda stupid

Yes, I think there is consensus that it's a bad joke 🤷‍♀️ Actually someone upthread had a good alternative about wanking.

Fully agree @OneTC - that’s what I was trying to say in my reply to @UPALLNIGHTMNETTING further back in the thread. The only thing this joke has going for it is the ‘shock factor’, which isn’t enough to make it funny.

And Mr Dickbrain Boyfriend thinks his knuckle-dragging mate who trotted it out is hilarious. He's not laughing in shock. He thinks it's funny.

A lot of men find jokes funny that are very bad taste. It doesn't mean they're a bad person or agree with the content, they think it's JUST a joke. It's un intended ignorance most of the time.
If he's not showing any other concerning behaviour & you like him give him the benefit of the doubt & see what his attitude is to other things. Let him know though that those kind of jokes aren't funny & not your humour at all & to please not repeat anything like that again to you.

@Goodtogossip "A lot of men find jokes funny that are very bad taste. It doesn't mean they're a bad person or agree with the content, they think it's JUST a joke. It's un intended ignorance most of the time."

Who wants to go out with an ignorant man?

I’d speak to him and say you don’t find jokes about domestic abuse funny and tell him how it’s made you feel

@T1Dmama "I’d speak to him and say you don’t find jokes about domestic abuse funny and tell him how it’s made you fee

Same point. Would you want to go out with a mane who had to have this explained to him?