To break up over this joke?

[hollyfrost]

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

This. I once had a guy I was seeing he just so sexist about nurses gave me the ick and I binned him

It's most odd that he chose to tell you the joke to emphasise to you how funny he found it and the bloke telling it. That tells me enough about him and I'd be looking elseswhere.

You've only been together a few months, it would be so easy to bin him I'd do it in a heartbeat.

And this is why it's also men's responsibility to help stamp out these misogynistic sexist views towards women. It starts with the jokes. My brother's or husband didn't laugh at that "joke".

Massive red flag. He is showing you who he is.
End the relationship and block him. Tell some other people you trust that you are going to do this and why so they will pick up phone if you call.
Be extra careful of yourself around break up time. He may turn nasty.

I think it's quite funny 😁

Wtf?

I'd stop now. You didn't think it was funny, you don't share the same sense of humour and I'm really glad.

So he’s comfortable sitting with a woman joking about beating women up?

I wonder if he’d happily sit opposite a 6”5 black man and say “what’s the difference between a black person and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat an egg” or maybe sit with a group of gay people and say “what’s the difference between a gay person and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat an egg”. I have a feeling that the reason why he did it in front of you is because he has zero respect for women. I would absolutely end it with him. Men like him should not be around women.

Even if it is funny which, whatever, I don't think it is, there is the issue of repeating it. And that's more interesting. He decided that the best example of how brilliant and funny his friend is is a joke about beating women. And he thought his newish GF (a woman) would think the friend was brilliant and funny because of this too.

That's fucking weird and a bit thick. Or he's testing her boundaries around VAW.

I'd say it was a big problem if the joke was about dogs, let alone women,

I’ve got a really dark sense of humour. I wouldn’t, however, go anywhere near a man who liked jokes like that. It’s not funny, it’s not clever, it’s not edgy, it’s not original. It’s just straight up hatred. FWIW, there were variants of that joke going round when I was a child in the 1980s, except instead of ‘woman’ it was ‘Pakistani’ or ‘Black person’ or ‘Jew’. It was a scumbag’s joke then and it was a scumbag’s joke now.

You ask if you’re being ‘naive’ to be offended. No, you’re not. You would, however, be very naive indeed if you were to keep telling yourself that it’s just a harmless joke. Get rid of this man pronto.

You're problem is that you were only slightly bothered by it. Joking about abusing a woman is never ever funny. Ever.

Sorry op but to even consider that as a joke is horrifying

Do you think you’d still find it funny if you heard it the day after your partner smashed your face up and laughed at your broken nose and missing teeth?

@KreedKafer

Totally agree with you on your latest post
in regards @Motomum23 comment too,

I can have a dark sense of humour too.

Humour can also tell you a lot about someone too.

But why didn't you pick him up on it at the time? Did you just sit there? If you said nothing then you can't be that close, and he's a man you don't feel able to talk to. He was comfortable saying what he said to you.

Even if a friend dared voice such a repugnant joke to me, he'd know about it. I simply dont get why you were silent and now you're here posting about it. You couldnt even voice your own discomfort to him. Either your boundaries are poor, or you're wary of him. It's best to end it, you'd only see him again and sit there ruminating about this anyway so what's the point? I don't even know men who'd make a 'joke' like that and I'd be nowhere near them if they did. Low emotional intelligence and intellect is so unattractive.

Nobody is saying that a joke about domestic violence is the same as domestic violence.

However, you presumably understand that this joke is one where the victim, not the perpetrator, is the butt of the joke. If someone is happy to make abused women the object of their laughter, that says a lot about the sort of person they are.

I have an extremely dark sense of humour. I will happily make jokes about, for example, serial killers and rapists. I will not, however, make jokes about murder victims and rape survivors. I recently sent a picture of myself to my best friend and said “I’ve just realised I’ve accidentally dressed as if I’m about to commit a late-90s high school shooting”. I accept that joke was in bad taste. But it was a joke about the perpetrators and a stereotypical way they dressed.

I would not, however, have said “Somehow this outfit makes me want to watch my classmates soil themselves while I blow their friends’ brains out” because that would have been a joke about the victims and their suffering.

Ask him why he finds domestic violence funny.

Ask him why he thought you might find the joke funny.

I’ve just asked my husband and he doesn’t find it funny at all.

Not to be that poster, but we don't need a man to tell us whether jokes about beating us are funny.

Thin end of the wedge. I'd have to challenge him very strongly on it & then dump him.

At best, he is very ignorant.
At worst, he is very ignorant and misogynistic. If he were to say that to an audience bigger than his mates, I doubt many would laugh.

Apart from what it reveals about his attitude to women, it also suggest he’s a moron. It’s exactly the kind of joke thick, moron blokes grunt and snigger over with other thick, moron blokes. I doubt you’ll be having many long conversations about poetry and art with him, let’s put it that way.

Yup this is what I’d do. I’m sure you’ll get the info you need

It’s a terrible joke. Find someone who actually has a funny sense of humor. You’re bothered by what he said because it’s disturbing.