Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To break up over this joke?

196 replies

hollyfrost · 21/04/2024 15:56

The man I’m dating recently made a casual joke (talking about something he and his friend found funny) that’s been bothering me, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not - paraphrasing, “what’s the difference between a woman and an egg? I don’t laugh when I beat up an egg”

For context, I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now and our relationship seemed to be very promising. He’s very kind, charming and generally a lovely person as far as I can tell

What I can’t understand is how he possibly found this even slightly funny? I wouldn’t take offence at a slightly vulgar or disrespectful joke, but this surely goes beyond that

that said I appreciate he’s a man and possibly I’m being naive and too sensitive about this. Other than this he’s shown me no reasons to be concerned

I’d appreciate any advice, thanks

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 22/04/2024 22:03

CurlewKate · 22/04/2024 16:22

"We have entered a bizarre eon of society where apparently we must all be serious all the time and frankly dark humour gets a lot of people through the tough parts of their lives."

That really is bollocks. What tough part of a man's life would he need to make jokes about beating women to help him through?

Exactly.

The people for whom this joke would be laughing about their bad times are women. And the joke doesn't even make sense if told by a woman, so the idea of this being a cathartic joke is utter bullshit.

notjaneausten · 22/04/2024 23:35

My ex used to laugh at the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts got hit.
Yes, he couldn’t resist. That was the end of the marriage instantly, I’d promised him it would be the end if he ever hit me. I moved out, he got the divorce papers, then he hung himself.

notjaneausten · 22/04/2024 23:36

My ex used to laugh at the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts got hit.
Yes, he couldn’t resist. That was the end of the marriage instantly, then the family split. I moved out, he got the divorce papers, then he hung himself. He had threatened me so many times, it was a relief.

UPALLNIGHTMNETTING · 22/04/2024 23:50

It's just a bad joke - people make them all the time. It doesn't mean he agrees with the sentiment. Going against the grain here, but I wouldn't break up with someone over this, if there were no other issues - just tell him you're not comfortable with that kind of joke and move on.

Scintella · 23/04/2024 00:19

I find that due to the ‘be kind’ wokeness nowadays jokes are in worse taste than they ever were. DH has a family WhatsApp group and some times the ‘joke’ is the the deliberate politically incorrectness of it.
id ignore it.

OhcantthInkofaname · 23/04/2024 01:33

Misogyny is not a nuance.

Blacksheepcat · 23/04/2024 09:04

I don’t think they’re very good a telling jokes. I’d have rolled my eyes and said “really?” Tell them the actual joke, which is “what’s the difference between an egg and a wank? You can’t beat a wank!” 😉

pollymere · 23/04/2024 11:49

It's never too late to sit him down and explain why the joke, isn't. If he acts with contrition then he's probably worth another chance. If he suggests you're overreacting or oversensitive then it's probably best to part the ways.

pizzaHeart · 23/04/2024 12:19

hollyfrost · 22/04/2024 13:32

Very grateful for everyone’s opinions. I’m going to bring this up with him and gauge his response, hopefully he’ll be apologetic. But much as I want to believe this was said without malice/misogyny I do feel justified to be somewhat upset about this

@pizzaHeart the country is Georgia - not too familiar with cultural norms there TBH

I would guess that the cultural norm would be that there was nothing wrong with retelling the joke.
I would challenge him next time (nicely) and tell him that you were thinking about this joke he told and what he meant by it. I wouldn’t explain him your views first, just give him chance to see his mistake or dig himself deeper into the hole. And then you will know better what kind of person he is and was it just blip from the past or not.

Curiossir · 23/04/2024 12:32

just a joke.

Duckswaddle · 23/04/2024 12:44

It’s pretty disgusting isn’t it, laughing about beating up women.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2024 12:46

Curiossir · 23/04/2024 12:32

just a joke.

Violence against women is funny? Care to explain?

Curiossir · 23/04/2024 12:48

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2024 12:46

Violence against women is funny? Care to explain?

Of course it isn't funny. The joke isn't funny either. But it is a joke.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2024 12:49

If a joke isn’t funny, it isn’t a joke, surely?

RoachFish · 23/04/2024 13:03

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2024 12:49

If a joke isn’t funny, it isn’t a joke, surely?

Exactly, then it's just a statement. Which is just as bad if not worse.

cerisepanther73 · 23/04/2024 13:19

@Curiossir

"It's just a joke" is it really though?🤔

Or
Is it be exposing manifesting the kind of character psyche the kind of man he is,

I was in a relationship for some time with a moody hot headed Misogynistic abusive pschological and emotionally abusive man,

He delighted and loved to crack crude belitting humilating mean jokes about women under the disguise 🥸 of humour ,

Also inflicting sharp tongue saying mean stuff
and threats of violence and once physical too,

It's quite effective weapon to disguise shitty 💩 man's emotional insecurities and issues in life,

as you can get away deflect from all sorts of things using this kind of sense of humour, you would never get away with otherwise,

as some people don't see it for what it is,
He used to do this as a tool 🔧 to deflect boost his ego,

because his mother was not maternal to him and told him he was an accident a mistake that he was born cause she was only 19 years of age,
even though she was married.

He grew up in an old school ways his father liked using his belt as a whip to displine him as a child a lot,
that's how quite often you brought up children back in that era,
he grew up in,

I can understand why being told that by your mother would screw up your mind big time,

However he should have got the right therapy to address his shit childhood issues,

Not inflict his childhood/ teen age traumas onto me or and other women he unfornately came across...

Catsmere · 23/04/2024 13:24

hollyfrost · 21/04/2024 17:13

His English is good, he went to university here, you could mistake him for a native speaker if not for the accent but I still imagine it’s not perfect when it comes to certain nuances

There's not really much nuance in "laughing when beating a woman". It's not exactly an obscure idiom.

C1N1C · 23/04/2024 13:41

Difficult one... there will be very hard-line both ends of the spectrum people on this one.

Either you're the Jimmy Carr, say what you like, it's just a joke, the 'joke' doesn't necessarily lead to intent sorts of people... or you're the 'a mention of DV, especially in a 'joke' context is a huge red flag and DOES mean you're that sort of person' sort of person.

If it offends you, tell him... but that's the thing with comedy. You may abhor DV jokes but find racist, religious or jokes against men funny. There are very few jokes these days that wouldn't offend 'someone'. It used to be blonde jokes, fat jokes and Irish jokes in my day... or situational comedy. A man is holding a ladder, turns around and hits someone else - these days that might be considered insensitive (laughing at someone else's misfortune, or worse, laughing at someone being mentally challenged!)

Curiossir · 23/04/2024 13:50

ok, for all the pedants- it's a joke- but you didn't find it funny.

GotBeatenUp · 23/04/2024 14:18

@Curiossir , so you thing beating women up is a joke.

Acapulco12 · 23/04/2024 14:22

justtidying · 21/04/2024 15:59

Hell no...

I might not break up but there would be some serious discussion, and I would be carefully observing

I’d suggest this too.

Tevion1213 · 23/04/2024 14:25

Have it out with him straight away see how he reacts

mrlistersgelfbride · 23/04/2024 14:27

I like an offensive joke. I'm going to watch Franke Boyle on Sunday.

That is not funny on any way. It's not even a joke, it's horrible.
I would seriously think about ending it.

GotBeatenUp · 23/04/2024 14:27

Think not thing

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/04/2024 14:30

Was it definitely beat UP.

Because if the "joke" was what's the difference between a woman and egg, I don't laugh when I beat an egg, could possibly be about competitive things not domestic violence.. maybe... which is nowhere near as bad.

Swipe left for the next trending thread