To occasionally be in pyjamas when in laws come over?

[Thebakingqueen]

Dhs parents ring us every Saturday and Sunday morning to see what we're up to. They always want to come over early. They often turn up earlier than arranged. They ring at 8am.

I got fed up of always worrying about being ready and having the house tidy (it's not a shithole just lived in). I was fed up of feeling harassed every weekend to be honest too, so I decided they'll have to take me as they find me. It's the weekend and I want to do things at my leisure.

On a couple of occasions I've still been in pyjamas when they arrived and mil has commented negatively or laughed at me.

If I've been upstairs showing and getting dressed mil wanders upstairs to find me.

Aibu to do as I please in my own home?

How have you tolerated this shit for so long? You have a DH problem but as this directly affects you as they ring at unsocial hours and turn up too early, you need to put a stop to it. Tell DH that he will be telling his parents that this must stop otherwise you will and you will be blunt and harsh in your words. You need to install some very firm boundaries immediately.

Enmeshment

Tell them 10 means 10 and they won't be allowed in if they turn up earlier.

Omg. I feel your pain. Once when my husband was away I woke to find my FIL wandering (snooping) around downstairs at 7:40am. He’d let himself in with a key I didn’t know he had. It was like he wanted to catch me out or at something, he isn’t my biggest fan for a variety of reasons (I’m a lefty feminist and he thinks I should know my place) Fucking hideous and I was so angry. They have massive boundary issues.

How many years have you been putting up with this?

Was it also his idea to buy a house so close to them?

Dh thinks it's quite normal to have your parents over every weekend Saturday and Sunday. He is soft and doesn't like saying no.

He's not "soft", he's enmeshed. This level of involvement with your parents as a grown adult is not normal.

Blimey-that’s cheeky! What reasons did he give for being in your house?!

Oh my god OP yours and @Ihearyousingingdownthewire 's stories are literally making me feel panicky.

Why are in laws/parents like this?? Usually those aged around mid 60s to late 70s?

Good grief @Minniliscious
What a ridiculous ageist post
I don't know anyone in that age group who does this.

I am "mid 60s" and would hate to intrude upon DD every weekend. I have a life. I have friends and hobbies, and I still work.

He had a letter to deliver for my husband. Apparently. A totally non-urgent letter regarding a long-since-forgotten building society account from when my husband was a kid.

The in-laws seem to have this irrepressible curiosity about our lives. They turn up and instead of knocking the front door, will appear at the back patio windows. They bring guests. We got back from our honeymoon to find them all in the garden and pool. I’ve found them in my bedroom before. They knew I was pregnant almost as soon as I did because they snooped my en-suite under-sink cupboard and found my positive pregnancy test…

It’s fucking nuts and nothing makes me angrier. My husband isn’t afraid to confront them either. They’re just a fucking weird mix of nosey, overly involved and insanely entitled, thinking what’s ours is theirs.

Anyway, I’m sorry to me-rail. I just have to lend my stories as support to anyone with mental in-laws.

Not me I’m afraid. I’m busy and rarely go over to see my ACs. I’m not interested in controlling anyone lol 🙄

Crazy! I hope you’ve taken their key away now!

I couldn't be bothered with this. What a pain in the arse.

I was going to say YABU after reading the title but reading the post yanbu and I def wouldn’t be putting up with that at all! What an invasion of privacy.

My ILs popped in this weekend at short notice & I was still getting ready - like any normal decent person they stayed downstairs with DH & I joined them when I could. It’s really no biggie and your MiL is really overstepping !

I'm assuming you took the key back after ripping him a new one?

And have put bolts and locks on the back gates?

I'd be divorced by now 😉

I honestly couldn't live like this! I'm so glad I'm single. I've no idea how you put up with it.

I assuming this is due to your culture?

however you state they phone first and you ask them to come over at 10. Why don’t you both just stop doing that? Surely even if it’s culture you can say a later time?

This is the way to do it. Put a stop to them treating you like that.
I'm absolutely mindblown by all these parents and ILs who interfere with and comment on their adult children's lives.

@RampantIvy I really didn’t mean to offend so I really apologise. It was kind of tongue in cheek about the age range as in my experience and what I hear, intrusive parents/in laws currently seem to be around this age! Maybe it’s a geographical thing …..

You are forgiven @Minniliscious

I have had experience like the OP's. I finally took matters into my own hands and told them straight - Saturdays, OK to ring after 10am. Sundays not until late afternoon (5ish) because we're doing our own thing until then. They now know that if they ring before that on a Sunday then the phone won't be answered. DH isn't totally on board but since he never answers the phone because he's doing other stuff/is out, it works fine :).

I'd hate anyone coming round.
Much prefer to meet on neutral ground like a pub lunch or out in town.
I also hate thinking someone might phone mid morning to make last minute plans.
Means I can never get enough sleep worrying.
I want to know what's going on with family meet ups the night before at least!
And yes to those saying they must be bored to come round early.
Also what if the house is a mess ??
I'd need time for that. As it's often a mess.

They're your days off work, wake when you like, dress as you like.
What sort of headbanger rings anyone at 8am at weekends - unless it's a bereavement, 1200 should be the earliest and only to arrange lunch !

My DH would hate this and not allow it as much as me! We often stay up late watching a film or are out on a Friday night with the idea that we don't need to get up before 9 as have teens who are the same.

You really need your DH to tackle this though.