To occasionally be in pyjamas when in laws come over?

[Thebakingqueen]

Dhs parents ring us every Saturday and Sunday morning to see what we're up to. They always want to come over early. They often turn up earlier than arranged. They ring at 8am.

I got fed up of always worrying about being ready and having the house tidy (it's not a shithole just lived in). I was fed up of feeling harassed every weekend to be honest too, so I decided they'll have to take me as they find me. It's the weekend and I want to do things at my leisure.

On a couple of occasions I've still been in pyjamas when they arrived and mil has commented negatively or laughed at me.

If I've been upstairs showing and getting dressed mil wanders upstairs to find me.

Aibu to do as I please in my own home?

Also, get a bolt on your bedroom door. When they come over, push your DH out of the room and bolt the door.

The problem is definitely the in laws not your pyjamas but are they obviously pyjamas or just casual clothes? Either way, if they turn up early then they shouldn’t be surprised if you’re not ready! Knowing someone could turn up at any time would give me anxiety

if i'm at home i'm in my pj"s... i dont care who visits... i dress to leave the house and as soon as i come back... PJ's are on!

How do you put up with this? Of course you can wear what you like when when your home is intruded upon.

Put your phones on silent until a time that is convenient to you.
If they do get through tell them that 8 am is too early.

If they are only in their 60s don't they have a life of their own?

I'd recommend moving far enough away that they can't intrude every weekend, but aside from the practical issues involved in relocating, you'd then have them coming to stay with you for days or weeks at a time.

If you and your husband don't want to bluntly tell them you need more time alone with just your own little family, then relaxing your standards where they are concerned is wise. I'd also put a lock on the bedroom and bathroom doors and use them. And if someone remarks on how you're dressed, I'd tell them that you're trying to make the most of your valuable and limited weekend time at home and if they didn't like it, they're free to go elsewhere.

This isn’t healthy. You need to call the shots here. Ring them on Friday night and say you are going to be out the following morning so don’t bother calling. Ask them round for lunch or tea instead. Or visit them.

At 8am I would be telling them sharply that I was sleeping and that they had woken me. Only once mind, if they did it again the phones would be on do not disturb until at least 10am

YANBU, why are they turning up early uninvited, I'd have been a lot blunter than you lot!

Where are your parents? Can you get them to turn up at 7 one day?? 😁
I’d be in bed with my phone on dnd and anyone coming into my bedroom would get told no, I’m not getting up.

Unbelievable. I know my MIL thought her two DIL were lazy mares ( me and my SIL) as we both were late morning people when we had kids . I may have been up at 5am with my DD so by 9am I was back in bed asleep . And no , neither of us prepped dinner or went shopping and home by 10am . I thought she'd get the message as I wasn't exactly an enthusiastic host . But no . However she called at 9am one Saturday after a particularly bad night with DD and said Oh not dressed and up yet ? To which I replied Nah I'm a bit fucked . The end of weekend visits .

You have to tell them you don’t accept calls before a certain time in a weekend.

I had to institute this as one family member used to do it all the time. They were actually banned from calling before 9 and if they came over I wouldn’t answer

Would your DH be as soft if it was your parents turning up and being over bearing?

I've told dh to ask them not to ring so early but he's too soft.
There you go, that’s more than 50% of the whole problem. Why does he think that letting his parents bother you every weekend day, and wander round your house, is more important than his wife’s privacy and right to peace in her own home?
If you can’t have a very serious conversation with him about this, you have a very big problem.

You need to be phoning them on a Friday night just to let them know you're not around in the morning but may catch up on Sunday...
Then phone the Saturday night and tell them sorry not around again tomorrow until 1.30..

If DH won't deal with it then you need to make this work for you ...

(Depending on child ages)

Hi , yes .. ' 9:30 ?' Great you can take little Johnny to football.. finishes at 12 .. I'll have him ready ...

Then go back to bed while DH (whose fault this is gets him in his kit and posts him off with hyperactive GPs ) .. valuable 'bonding time' ..

That would be way too intrusive for me. Do you like that they ring on Saturday and Sunday mornings ? Surely that’s (ahem) prime time for a bit of fun together

DH needs to step up and tell them every weekend is too much, and early visits aren't working.
I couldn't cope with this.at.all.

How long do they stay for?

I will never understand how any woman can be with a man who is so weak and ineffectual. Your husband should be supporting you, instead he panders to his overbearing and fucking rude parents like a little boy who wants a pat on the head. How completely unattractive.

Same. That’s too much for me. Do they have their own lives 🤷‍♀️

My inlaws also have a habit of turning up at least an hour early and then being grumpy when we are in the middle of something or not ready for then

Drives me batty

On the plus side they only do it a few times a year not practically every weekend!

I couldn't cope with that! My MIL used to piss me off dramatically by phoning early in the morning every Christmas Day. My kids never got up at stupid o'clock on Christmas Day and I'd usually been up late wrapping all the presents. It drove me mad! We ended up ignoring her.

Blimey my kids wouldn't put up with me ringing and coming over every weekend!
Don't in laws have a life?