To occasionally be in pyjamas when in laws come over?

[Thebakingqueen]

Dhs parents ring us every Saturday and Sunday morning to see what we're up to. They always want to come over early. They often turn up earlier than arranged. They ring at 8am.

I got fed up of always worrying about being ready and having the house tidy (it's not a shithole just lived in). I was fed up of feeling harassed every weekend to be honest too, so I decided they'll have to take me as they find me. It's the weekend and I want to do things at my leisure.

On a couple of occasions I've still been in pyjamas when they arrived and mil has commented negatively or laughed at me.

If I've been upstairs showing and getting dressed mil wanders upstairs to find me.

Aibu to do as I please in my own home?

In fairness she never turns up at 8, but she often turns up at 9:30/10, I don’t go to bed till early hours because of work so I’m often still in bed with a cup of tea at that time, but as long as I’m awake, it doesn’t bother me at all, I’m always awake by 8am anyway.

I think YABU to have made yourctgeead aboutvbeing in pyjamas and NOT about having allowed your astonishingly needy inlaws to invade your privacy and dominate your weekends for YEARS.

Why have you allowed this? Why are these people (I'm in my 60s and cannot understand their behaviour) doing this? If it were about seeing their grandkids, they could be taking them out, freeing you to do what you want to do. Or have them for sleepovers at weekends (my parents did this quite regularly with some of their grandkids), freeing you up even more.

But just descending on you so early and then moaning at you - WHY are you permitting it?

You need to get your DH inside then just don't answer the door until the time you agreed. They are asserting dominance by agreeing a time then setting an earlier time.

Time to draw a firm boundary.

Once you , stick to it and they find they can't mess you around, your relationship will get all the better for it.

Don't ask me how I know, just really trust me on this one. All the best.

I’m honestly not sure how you haven’t strangled your DH by now. Is he this weak and soft in other areas of your life?!

This is insane to allow this to continue. I’d say something like “yes, still in pjs because I shoved them on quickly because you interrupted dh and I having sex, anyway, I’m going for a shower now.”

They sound so boring. Incapable of entertaining themselves. You really have the patience of a saint! Imagine how impossible they will be when one of them dies. They will want to move in!

Your DH is being such a wet lettuce

If my family rang me at 8 in the morning, I would assume someone was dead!

There is no way on this planet I would have my in-laws round every weekend - hell, I wouldn't even want my own parents round every weekend, and certainly not at half nine in the bloody morning.

"Take me as they find me" isn't setting a boundary - you need to say no, full stop. Lock the doors, shut the blinds, don't answer the phone and stop allowing them take over your weekends the way they do.

Sil can have them. Mil has already said sil is moving in if fil goes first.

How do you have weekend morning delights when your in laws are constantly pestering you.

Just tell them to stop calling, as you value peaceful weekend mornings. Make it clear you will call them if you want to see them.

Also advise they find their own friends and hobby.

Honestly I know I what you're all saying. I've argued with dh so much over the years and I haven't even told the half of it on this thread.

I might show Dh this thread then he can see it's not only me saying that it's not normal to start harassing us first thing in the morning.

WHY haven’t you screamed at her “OMG what are you doing coming into my room??? Get OOOOOUT!!!”

They contact you every Saturday and Sunday to ask what you're doing?! Never mind the PJ question, I would go bonkers with that level of smothering! Have you tried answering very pointedly by saying "we're having a lie in today [pause] together" so they get the idea? I think you need to plan some things just for the 2 of you to do together without them. Are they bored of each other and therefore want to spend time with their son?

I've also just read your MIL just comes into your bedroom. Time to leave out a selection of dildos and lube I think.

The problem is, if he's happy with it and thinks it's normal, you're never going to change his mind. Some families are like this and it clearly works for them.

There is no way on God's green earth that I would tolerate my MIL barging into my bedroom while I was showering or getting dressed. How have you not bought a lock for the door at the very least?

Tell your husband to put a stop to this nonsense. Ringing at 8 on a weekend!? This needs to stop, yesterday.

Mine used to do this pre-kids. I hated it.

I found myself being snappy and I hated it.

Once I lay on my front in my pjs and told them I had really bad period pain. Then I stayed in bed a few times. I'm not a morning person. Luckily DH didn't let them bother me if I was in bed but to be honest the wouldn't have been that rude.

That put them off coming as often and when they did they did come later.

I hated being rude to them because they are lovely people but it is just too much.

I feel your pain.

I'd set both phones on do not disturb mode and ignore them for a month straight. They'll get the message.

This is like something from ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ 😯I feel for you OP, something needs to change here.

There's a balance and in this case I think if they turn up before the designated time then you not being dressed (assuming before 10am is completely reasonable. You are a saint

Sounds like my child's grandparents always wanted to visit first thing in the morning we all had to be up dressed ready for an hour visit first thing in the morning, I've put a stop to it now said now the children are getting older they want to sleep in laze around etc so we go for lunch time visits instead once a fortnight instead of each week.

This was the kind of shit my former in laws would pull. Don't answer the phone or the door until you're ready to!

Door would not be opened until the pre arranged time of arrival.

Turning up early is absolutely dreadful and they could sit in the car if they arrive early.

I like to avoid rush hour traffic so if I'm going to my sons house I will arrive very early but I wouldn't dream of disturbing him so I take the dogs for a trot around or I sit in the car until it's the time we arranged.

I would get to the habit of texting in the week and saying,

’Hiya-do you want to come over at 2pm Sunday for x/y/z reason? I want to avoid you needing to make 8am phone calls-weekend mornings are for a nice lie in!’

try not answering the door