To occasionally be in pyjamas when in laws come over?

[Thebakingqueen]

Dhs parents ring us every Saturday and Sunday morning to see what we're up to. They always want to come over early. They often turn up earlier than arranged. They ring at 8am.

I got fed up of always worrying about being ready and having the house tidy (it's not a shithole just lived in). I was fed up of feeling harassed every weekend to be honest too, so I decided they'll have to take me as they find me. It's the weekend and I want to do things at my leisure.

On a couple of occasions I've still been in pyjamas when they arrived and mil has commented negatively or laughed at me.

If I've been upstairs showing and getting dressed mil wanders upstairs to find me.

Aibu to do as I please in my own home?

Any one else wondering if the in laws are there at OP's house right now??

YANBU at all. They want close but can't cope with jammies? The early visits are bad enough but expecting you to be dressed is too much.

Put a lock on the door. That needs to stop!

This 💯

No way would I put up with that.
Do you just sit around and have coffee ?
Do you then have to give them lunch?
Do they stay for dinner?
Don't you have a life ?
Things to do ?
Hobbies ?

They just want to sit for a couple of hours and have a drink and a chat then leave. Usually their chats involve telling us how we should be living our lives.

We don't actually see them Saturday and Sunday anymore, but they will still ring to ask.

Even when we've had things on with the dc and they know we are out they still ring.

So, put your phones on do not disturb or silent until a time that suits you and tell them to get a life

How do they spend the rest of the weekend? What do they do during the week?

I think they spend most of their weekend daytime with sil their daughter. Which she seems quite happy to do. They all just sit around in each other's houses.

Evenings they have friends over for drinks.

From the title I was ready to say YABU, but from the details you are so definitely not being unreasonable. How are you managing to still be polite to them?! I'm usually the sort of person who would about offending anyone, but even I have my limits. Can you move away?

Yet another wet lettuce manchild husband leaving his wife to cope with his parents 🤬

Don't answer the phones.

Don't answer the door.

If they have a key and he won't get it back, change the lock.

I would honestly leave dh if I had to live like this. They sound suffocating really. I would be furious if I had to feel like this in my own home
He's not soft, he's just pathetic and inconsiderate to you.

Have an answerphone message saying we don't answer the phone until xx at weekends as we' re usually having sex.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, if they are insisting on coming round early then they have to take you as they find you, you’re not there for the sole purpose of entertaining them.

my MIL often pops round in the mornings before I’m properly up and dressed, I love her like a mum so it doesn’t bother me, but I wouldn’t be getting dressed specially, it doesn’t seem to bother her in the slightest that I’m still in my Jim jams.

Usually their chats involve telling us how we should be living our lives.

This changes things a bit, my PIL where a little bit like this when I met my DH, but it was a pattern of behaviour that had become the norm over time, which my DH ( probably like yours ) didn’t seem particularly bothered by, water off a ducks back and all that, but I wasn’t about to put up with that.

I slowly eradicated it to the point where there never do it now, not even to DH when I’m not there, we have a brilliant, lovely relationship but if they hadn’t have jacked that in it would have been a different story.

You need to get the kids some Saturday and Sunday morning hobbies that start at 9am and dispatch dh with the kids to said hobbies! Send the inlaws with him

@sandyhappypeople I love my DM but I wouldn’t want her turning up at our doorstep at 8am. Likewise she wouldn’t appreciate us turning up at her door at that time

FFS tell them not to ring you at 8 on a weekend! And if you do invite them round, tell them to come after 12. If your MIL comes upstairs while you're showering/dressing, tell her to go downstairs and respect your privacy 🙄 really don't understand why you don't assert yourself in your own home and draw some boundaries 🤦‍♀️

I’d be telling (not asking) that the respect your weekends are yours to do with as you see fit. You may not be answering the phone anymore before 10am too. You are also telling your PiL that they are to stay downstairs and not come up and into your bedroom to see “if you’re decent”.

FFS! Your DH needs to stop playing wet blanket and tell his parents what is and isn’t happening going forward.

In their 60s good grief I'm 60 husband 65. Would never do this to our kids! In fact we are usually enjoying ourselves in bed at 8am at the weekend 😂😂

You need to set some ground rules asap.

It sounds like you are willing to put up with their visits as long as you don't have to inconvenience yourself. So that seems like the way forward for you. If MiL says something about you being in P.Js I would make an open reply about them turning up so early.

My in laws live quite far and always give warning and come at an agreed time. However my FIL has certain weird things he says to me and it's ever since I first met them 9 years ago.

If I am eating he says "Piggy". I thought at first it was because he thought I was eating a lot at meal times, but the other week I said I was about to eat breakfast, and he said "piggy" so it can't be about amount.

If DH/ DC/I am in pyjamas in our house (we often get dressed late at weekends) he always says "have you had a lie in"/ "just woken up?" "We were up at 7" etc in judgey voices.

The worst was when DH went to change DC's nappy and FIL looked at me and said "isn't that a mother's job". I snapped right back and he didn't say that again. I also snapped right back when he said "don't you own an iron?" regarding 1 year old in a creased dress.

I don't actually mind strangely, everyone laughs at him or says ignore him! He is just making himself seem weird. Piggy is v out of order though.

It's your home at any time of the day. Stay comfortable and ignore the comments from her.

Jesus this would have broken me ages ago. Your husband needs to tell them to back right off.

Ignore the phone calls and don’t answer the door.