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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To occasionally be in pyjamas when in laws come over?

201 replies

Thebakingqueen · 20/04/2024 20:44

Dhs parents ring us every Saturday and Sunday morning to see what we're up to. They always want to come over early. They often turn up earlier than arranged. They ring at 8am.

I got fed up of always worrying about being ready and having the house tidy (it's not a shithole just lived in). I was fed up of feeling harassed every weekend to be honest too, so I decided they'll have to take me as they find me. It's the weekend and I want to do things at my leisure.

On a couple of occasions I've still been in pyjamas when they arrived and mil has commented negatively or laughed at me.

If I've been upstairs showing and getting dressed mil wanders upstairs to find me.

Aibu to do as I please in my own home?

OP posts:
SnowFrogJelly · 21/04/2024 00:39

In their 60s.

Seriously they really should find themselves something else to do at weekends

OddityOddityOdd · 21/04/2024 00:44

This is not on. As the parent of 40 yr old DC, this is not acceptable. There is no way I would do this & my DC would simply say "No, it's too early, come at xx instead". We talk to each other, we say what we want and tell each other when plans don't suit. It's downright rude for either set if parents to bulldoze their adult DC into doing things they don't want to do at anytime, never mind their precious weekend, down time. You need to toughen up and tell them NO and don't open the door in future.

crumblingschools · 21/04/2024 00:46

Send DH to theirs at 8am and you can lounge about all you like @Thebakingqueen

penjil · 21/04/2024 00:47

AnnaMagnani · 20/04/2024 20:49

Sorry, your ILs phone every Saturday and every Sunday at 8am and come round both days of every weekend?

I'd have committed a murder by now.

Just the one?

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 21/04/2024 00:49

Thebakingqueen · 20/04/2024 22:05

No we're not Greek.

Believe me we've had many discussions/arguments. Dh thinks it's quite normal to have your parents over every weekend Saturday and Sunday. He is soft and doesn't like saying no.

I've told him to tell his mum not to wander upstairs he always says he didn't notice.

Stop relying on your husband to do your speaking for you.

This is your house as well as his and if your inlaws are overstepping (which they clearly are), talk to them yourself.

penjil · 21/04/2024 00:49

Thebakingqueen · 20/04/2024 21:04

Honestly I know that they are a pita. Dh doesn't realise what a saint I've been.

Before we married and had kids Dh had his own place and in laws would just let themselves in.

They was a time we were sprawled out half dressed on the sofa and mil just came in and sat down. Another time we were about to sit down for dinner together and his whole family walked in.

Believe me we've cut back a lot on things with them.

But you need to cut back some more!!

Prune that tree, OP!

Don't stop until all the branches are off and the trunk remains. .

Brats4kid · 21/04/2024 01:01

Rings at 8am? l'd be turning the phones off and pretend we're not in!! 🤣

Aquarius1234 · 21/04/2024 01:09

I never phone family before midday on a weekend.

Aquarius1234 · 21/04/2024 01:10

Yes I may say what are you up to, but I let them have the morning first..
Oh and I'm late 30s completely single.

Newestname002 · 21/04/2024 01:35

Thebakingqueen · 20/04/2024 22:05

No we're not Greek.

Believe me we've had many discussions/arguments. Dh thinks it's quite normal to have your parents over every weekend Saturday and Sunday. He is soft and doesn't like saying no.

I've told him to tell his mum not to wander upstairs he always says he didn't notice.

Yes they do smother us. I've told dh to ask them not to ring so early but he's too soft.

As your husband is so "soft" - or actually weak - you are going to face to tell your in-laws how you really feel about the amount unwanted attention they give you. Especially MIL, who has no manners and just wanders into your private space unwanted and unasked.

They may be better than they were but they are still too much. Let them think you are standoffish if telling them you need things to change or put up with being annoyed at how they are. 🌹

Koptforitagain · 21/04/2024 01:45

My in laws were like that. It used to drive me nuts. I asked my DH to stop them coming so much, which he did, god bless him.

therealcookiemonster · 21/04/2024 01:48

OP you have two options

  1. buy a shotgun (this is my preferred option)
  2. agree to a time and then keep a look out. let them catch you and hubbie 'in action'. you obviously dont have to actually do anything, just fake it. you only need this to happen once and you are golden.
thebestinterest · 21/04/2024 02:37

LOL I don’t understand why you haven’t put her in her place???

Fauxflowersnoflowers · 21/04/2024 07:39

Escalate. Call them at 0615 and then turn up and waltz into their house at 0645. If they are still in bed, stick your head around the door and have a chat. If they look bewildered, just say, "oh is this too early for you?"

Or when they call at 0800 answer in a panic, assume one if them is dead or had a fall. When they say everything is fine, ask why on earth they are calling at this unholy hour, tell them they have woken everybody up and caused alarm. Every time.

GladysHeeler · 21/04/2024 07:44

Escalate. Call them at 0615 and then turn up and waltz into their house at 0645. If they are still in bed, stick your head around the door and have a chat. If they look bewildered, just say, "oh is this too early for you?"

😂

All of this is bad. The ringing up, the coming over, your husband sanctioning it in the first place, him ignoring you asking to get them to stop, them coming in your bedroom.

Redherringgull · 21/04/2024 07:46

Escalate. Call them at 0615 and then turn up and waltz into their house at 0645. If they are still in bed, stick your head around the door and have a chat. If they look bewildered, just say, "oh is this too early for you?"
Perfect! If that doesn't do the job then I don't know what will 🤣

I'd also take to walking around naked.

Turn DH's phone off overnight so when they ring shout "STOP WAKING ME UP YOU'RE NOT COMING OVER." Every time.

Haydenn · 21/04/2024 07:47

Your DH needs to get this in hand. I do t mind family seeing my house at less than it’s best because I assume they won’t judge me. The fact she will make comments I would say to him they aren’t to come over ever unless the place is sorted and she isn’t allowed upstairs full stop. The only way to solve this is for your husband to start putting in some boundaries to protect you.

Neither if you should answer the phone before 9, just put them on do not disturb- and tell them that you aren’t taking calls before 9 at the weekend unless it’s an emergency.

GladysHeeler · 21/04/2024 07:51

Perfect! If that doesn't do the job then I don't know what will 🤣

And the thing is it shouldn't be funny because that is what they are doing to the OP. Just two hours later but it's still ridiculously early.

JennyfromtheBlok · 21/04/2024 07:53

Start walking round the house naked at that time of the morning. And say “No MIL i am
clearly not decent.”

Projectme · 21/04/2024 08:01

Good grief! If your DH won't tell them, then you have to!

They are being incredibly rude by
A) phoning at unsociable hours
B) doing it both Saturday and Sunday
C) MIL wandering freely around your property without permission
D) making snarky comments about your appearance

How can people just have absolutely no consideration for others? The IL's have clearly bulldozed and ridden rough-shod over your boundaries and I bet your DH hasn't ever had any boundaries with his DP's as they appear to do what they like when it comes to him. I'm just astounded by the neck of these people.

OP, YANBU at all if you were to lose your shit at them when they do this again. Ideally you need to tell DH that if he doesn't explain clear boundaries to them, then you will. God they sound insufferable!

QualityDog · 21/04/2024 08:06

JennyfromtheBlok · 21/04/2024 07:53

Start walking round the house naked at that time of the morning. And say “No MIL i am
clearly not decent.”

Simply add nipple tassels if you think naked is too much.

Justsomethoughts · 21/04/2024 08:15

QualityDog · 21/04/2024 08:06

Simply add nipple tassels if you think naked is too much.

Show quote history

Further to this, maybe leave some ‘toys’, open lube, scrunched up tissues on display in the bedroom while you’re getting ready. So even if she walks in and you’re half naked she can feel uncomfortable…

MsVictoria · 21/04/2024 08:22

If anyone is calling me at 8am on a Saturday, someone better be dead.

I'm usually out with the dogs by then, but not ready to speak to my mother.

paintingvenice · 21/04/2024 08:28

Every time they ring stage whisper “it’s your parents again struggling to cope” to someone in the background and leave a load of care home leaflets on the side for when they visit

User0311 · 21/04/2024 08:30

My MIL always comments on me negatively if I'm wearing pjs when she visits on a sunday! I work 5 days a week and refuse to change out of PJs on a weekend unless I am leaving the house!