I increasingly resent my in-laws!

[AmesandKe]

I'll start with I know I can't do anything about this and I should be happy for them but it's hard.
DH and I have 2 kids, I work 28 hours a week, he works 40 hours. I'm on little above minimum wage, he makes £14 an hour. 2 years ago my parents were able to give us £10,000 we used this a deposit on a house. We are in Scotland so that was little less than 10%. We were in a council house before that, but the area was awful, we were planning to use MIL for childcare and our kids would have to share a small room, plus I don't like the idea of boy/girl siblings sharing.
Our house is fine, it's not modern at all, basic and tired but functional.

DSs sister lives in a council house. She struck gold and got a council house on a private development when she had her twins as that put her up to 3 kids and classed as overcrowded, it's beautiful the houses on the estate all sold for 220k for a 3 bed which is double what our house was! She works 14 hours a week, makes a little more an hour than I do. Her husband is a joiner for the council and makes 33k a year.
PIL are also in a council house.

Here's the issue, they seem to live a much better life than we do! They go on 3 holidays a year (yes usually it's haven and euro camp but still!), have a nice newish car on lease etc.
This is mainly as they still get UC, which covers their full rent and then some. Since we bought we no longer qualify for any UC and as such we also can't get the Scottish child payment!
To top it off, they have just installed a new kitchen and bathroom in the house, it was basic before, but still it was only 2 years old!!! I know her DH is a joiner and did all the fitting himself and his dad is a painter and decorated so helped. Now they are doing the same for PIL.
It's so frustrating, we thought we were doing the right thing buying but now we are worse off, work more, make less when benefits are added.

AIBU to be really resentful that they are able to do all this and we can't? It feels like the system is broken!

Why did you have 4 children then?!!

To be honest I’m surprised you’re surprised that being a SAHM with 4 kids and a DH on an ‘ok’ wage, is unlikely to mean you’ll be rolling in cash.

I don't know why people are so damn irresponsible!!

I wasn't really whining about our situation though, I have four children, I know I'm unlikely to be a millionaire this time next week, I'm happy with our lot. I was just comparing situations and making the point that owning a house and working, I've worked up to three years ago, doesn't get you anywhere. With one full time worker in our house we should be better off than two households with no jobs and 3 kids in each was more the thing, I wasn't terribly clear.

Also, in an ideal world everyone would get subsidised childcare but the world is far from ideal, and judgmental mumsnetters are aplenty.

ive not read the whole thread just the first page... you dont resent your in laws, you are downright jealous of them!

instead of wasting time and energy on what they have or have not got, look at yourself and be happy with what you have got and perhaps look at what you can change.

maybe if it bothers you that much, have a conversation with them, ask them how they do it! you might be surprised by the answer,... shes working all hours, he's working all hours..

their car is on lease... what a waste of money that is? maybe they are in debt up to their eyeballs on credit cards?

You can't expect anyone not to be a "judgemental Mumsnetter" reading your post though!

Trust me, I had 18 years paying for childcare due to the ages of my children. I had to stop at 3, because I knew we couldn't afford to pay childcare for anymore and we couldn't afford the luxury of being at home. I don't know why you think everyone should get "subsidised childcare"?

Now that I am contemplating retirement, I am so glad I stayed in FT work all those years. If you're "fighting to get ahead" then you need to be pragmatic. A 4th child would have tipped us over the edge, so we didn't do it!

Neither of you are on very high wages and you have 4 children between you. Of course you're not going to be enjoying an extravagant lifestyle. But these are choices you made. Don't resent others for making different choices.

You chose to have your children, stop complaining!

I stopped at two because I couldn't afford more.

I've no sympathy whatsoever with you,

I'm not asking for sympathy! Wow, I'm not even really complaining, making a comparison is more accurate, and you know what the only thing I'm getting from this is that I shouldn't have had four children, with my body I shouldn't have birthed them and with my husband we shouldn't be raising them! Unbelievable. Never asked anyone to feel sorry for me.
My youngest is older than 3, and I gave up a v well paid job three years ago to be a sahm and p/time support worker for looked after children, a job that fits around my childrens hours; I paid childcare from 2004 when I worked 70 hours a week, hence being able to buy our house, I could walk back into a job in my chosen career at circa 100k a year plus benefits (not the government kind) and I was 14 years deep and upper management when I left. I've never claimed a benefit in my life until three years ago and the government were practically chucking tax credits at us!!

I wasn't whining about my/our situation. Not a bit. Merely comparing it to two families in similar ones where neither partner works, at all, and saying that I sympathise with the premise that working and being seen to better yourself, in a job that's base above min wage, getting on the property ladder etc, doesn't do anyone any good in the long run when the people sitting around all day with their thumbs up their asses and getting 30 hrs free childcare to boot, are better off, ON PAPER.

You all sound strangely bitter that I have four children and don't work, in a paid job...

Not one bit bitter. Just pointing out facts. I don't believe either that you gave up such an incredibly well-paid job to go on tax credits, but you are a disgrace if you did!

Well there you go. Solid proof that education is no guarantee of intelligence.

@Balloonhearts and your post is solid proof that Mumsnet membership is no guarantee of reading comprehension - that tired, meaningless, unsubstantiated old trope already having been trotted out further upthread.

Not bitter at all....

I'm not the one bemoaning others being better off ....

@Runnerinthenight
You have such an incredible insight into my life from a few posts with bare minimum information that you feel entitled to make that decision about me. However you've no clue. Like I have no clue that you're not actually a nice person, and the others on here with awful things to say may actually just be bored. We get this tiny glimpse into peoples lives, never the full picture and it's in red i love you hard to read tone from a typed paragraph.
I don't think anyone chooses to leave a well paid job 'to go on tax credits' I certainly didn't leave my job because I thought ooh life would be infinitely better for me if I could mooch from the government and toss it off every day, I have reasons, very good ones but unfortunately you're not automatically entitled to hear them. I don't tell strangers in the street so strangers on the internet are no different.

I am wholeheartedly convinced you need a shag. All of you.

We all need a shag?

Sorry but I’m not getting ‘I could be on £100k’ vibes from this.

Maybe you should have had a couple less shags.

😂😂😂😂😂

@Runnerinthenight