I increasingly resent my in-laws!

[AmesandKe]

I'll start with I know I can't do anything about this and I should be happy for them but it's hard.
DH and I have 2 kids, I work 28 hours a week, he works 40 hours. I'm on little above minimum wage, he makes £14 an hour. 2 years ago my parents were able to give us £10,000 we used this a deposit on a house. We are in Scotland so that was little less than 10%. We were in a council house before that, but the area was awful, we were planning to use MIL for childcare and our kids would have to share a small room, plus I don't like the idea of boy/girl siblings sharing.
Our house is fine, it's not modern at all, basic and tired but functional.

DSs sister lives in a council house. She struck gold and got a council house on a private development when she had her twins as that put her up to 3 kids and classed as overcrowded, it's beautiful the houses on the estate all sold for 220k for a 3 bed which is double what our house was! She works 14 hours a week, makes a little more an hour than I do. Her husband is a joiner for the council and makes 33k a year.
PIL are also in a council house.

Here's the issue, they seem to live a much better life than we do! They go on 3 holidays a year (yes usually it's haven and euro camp but still!), have a nice newish car on lease etc.
This is mainly as they still get UC, which covers their full rent and then some. Since we bought we no longer qualify for any UC and as such we also can't get the Scottish child payment!
To top it off, they have just installed a new kitchen and bathroom in the house, it was basic before, but still it was only 2 years old!!! I know her DH is a joiner and did all the fitting himself and his dad is a painter and decorated so helped. Now they are doing the same for PIL.
It's so frustrating, we thought we were doing the right thing buying but now we are worse off, work more, make less when benefits are added.

AIBU to be really resentful that they are able to do all this and we can't? It feels like the system is broken!

This is very true OP. There will always be someone with more and always lots of reasons to find it unfair that they do. Life does have a lot of luck and indiscriminate misfortune wrapped up in it. But if you take the longer view it tends to even out: in years from now it could be your SIL posting that they wish they owned like you.

You are human, sometimes you will feel envious twinges, but you need a way of looking big picture and moving on. Getting upset that other people have a better position is a hiding to nothing - because someone always will and you’ll go to your grave feeling put out. Embrace what you have and live and enjoy!

I think it’s disgusting personally. And I find your attitude of wanting what they have rather than viewing their entitlement for what it is, even worse.

I live in England so not sure if benefit rules are the same but yes I am surprised they get them on that income considering they presumably have subsidised housing. Are council houses plentiful up in Scotland.

Eventually though you will own your house and money gets easier as kids get older.

Because they got lucky by having twins. If they hadn't they could have been stuck in the same awful area as you were.

There a lots of people like you who live where you used to live who would love to be able to get out like you did.

Just count your blessings otherwise you will become embittered.

My parent's priority was to buy a house so we hardly had any new clothes, or toys or holidays etc. Yes, it was tough as a child but they lived in a nice area and so it was worth it.

I left school at 18 and have worked ever since. Within 10 years I was in a senior professional role and kept climbing. I’m now away half the week for work and doing a degree part time with the OU.

Working 28 hours a week with a partner at home gives you every opportunity to study. it’s a lot more effective that whinging about what others have got.

@AmesandKe if you earn too much to get any UC as a family and have a very very low mortgage then I don't see the issue- you must have enough to get by quite easily. The fact your SIL and PIL get more is neither here nor there- one day she won't get payments for kids , comes round quicker than you think and have no assets. I agree I would find it annoying too but I'm afraid that's the luck of the draw - she could easily have been given something like your old house.

I got quals of an evening, hard work paid off. Put the work in you'll get the results. When you own your house in the future and they are fucked they'll be jealous of you. Stay in your own lane.

What should you be able to do? (serious question)
Only shop in Lidl and Aldi?
Own a car over a certain age/model?
Buy clothes in charity shops?

Stop focusing on what other have. You have bought a home which is an accomplishment in itself and will give you more security in retirement.

What you both need to do is up skill to try and get better paying jobs instead of settling and having such a defeatist attitude. It's what everyone has to do to get more money.

"What would I do about earning during that time? I need to earn money and be present for my kids. "

You work and train simultaneously. Night school, online classes etc. many people do it. I have two small kids and work full time plus completed a degree at the same time. You give up your free time and get your head down for a few years until it pays off and you get a better job. That's the simple answer.

It is appalling how you are speaking about them, Jealousy is ugly and you should be very ashamed

"It's not like I don't work!!"

Sorry but you clearly dont work enough hours to live the life you want.

Revisit this in 25 years when you don't have to pay a penny in 'rent' and they still do

Having a mortgage is providing for your future, when you are retired you won't have rent to pay, I understand where you are coming from but long term your much better off

Your sense of entitlement is hilarious.

You also sound very immature.

Your faux pearl clutching about benefits doesn’t wash with me because you’d be doing exactly the same if you were still in a council house. This boils down to nothing but pure jealousy because your SIL ended up with a nicer house than you (through circumstances that were were totally out of her control btw).

From what you’ve said about your earnings and child benefit, you and your husband must be bringing in about £3,500 a month, which isn’t a lot by London or SE standards but more than adequate up here especially if you live rurally with a £100,000 mortgage. There’s no reason you can’t do some work on your house or have a couple of holidays a year!

You have the work life balance you want, free childcare and your own home for which you were gifted the deposit. Most people would kill to be in this position but you’re so blinded by envy and bitterness you don’t realise how to lucky you are.

I've no free childcare, never have! We have had to pay for childcare for all my DC with no help whatsoever. I Work 40+ hours in NHS....despite having X2 earners in home we only just scrape by each month ...we don't go on luxury holidays or eat out etc etc as honestly can't afford it. We've had to pay our own deposit for our home with no help. The sense of entitlement in op is actually staggering and what is wrong in society today

We all make choices in life, and one of yours was, as you say, not to work in a professional job, so you can enjoy the benefits of leaving work on time, with less stress etc, and you work part time.The flip side of that choice is that you don't earn as much as you might. It's not a terrible choice in the short term, especially while you have young children.
You also chose to give up a council house, for what seems to be good reason, and have bought your own house. You say it is tired, but you can do it up gradually. The benefit of owning your own house is in the long term, and also the flexibility, as you could sell and move anywhere you like in due course.
Comparison is the thief of joy.

The system can sometimes feel mad but I think most people on UC are not loaded. My sister has a brand new council house on a beautiful expensive estate in a posh village. She’s never really worked and has everything paid for by the government. I wouldn’t say she has much money though- she certainly can’t holiday 3 times a year with the kids. I’m really pleased that she’s got her house in such a nice area because before the house swap, it wasn’t so great. There’s no point comparing her situation to mine though. I work and I pay a mortgage but one day it’ll be paid off and I’ll have an asset. I can also move house if I want more easily. I also have more disposable income because I work. I just think there’s no point comparing it all the time. One day your house will be an asset that they won’t ever have.

You should focus on improving your own life. There will always be someone in a better position that you.
You have a near minimum wage job so this is the life you get on that wage.

Are there any training schemes at the supermarket where you work? You enjoy the job so why not try to earn more without too much change … as other posters have said, comparison is the thief of joy. Your sister in law may well be envious of your position as a home-owner. There are very few people in the world who genuinely have a ‘perfect life’, regardless of how it might seem from the outside.

Eh? I think you need to 100% decide who and what your anger is aimed at. Shout about it, then put it in a box in a furnace in your head and MOVE ON. How blessed you are to have childcare help too!

I am getting a lot of entitlement from you posts, OP. Although, you don't come across as unkind but fed up and lacking in self-worth. You may never be happy unless you start looking to change your situation in a way that makes you happy.

Yes. In the long term you are safer.

Why should anyone be outraged at a working family having a comfortable home and a few nice things? I do not want anyone, on benefits or not, to struggle.
Im sorry that you are struggling at the moment. I’m a lot worse off than you are as a single parent renting privately! So I get that it’s hard when you see people getting by a bit more comfortably than you are and wishing you had what they have.
But we all need to be looking up at the rich and powerful people in charge who make life more difficult, instead of resenting people on low incomes who have council homes and top up benefits. They are not the enemy. They are doing their best and if you had the choice, you’d do the same things they are doing.

At 5% a 90k mortgage is around £500pm

Take another £500 for bills, and op is spending circa 2k on what exactly? Hardly the breadline.

you need to look at your spending.