I increasingly resent my in-laws!

[AmesandKe]

I'll start with I know I can't do anything about this and I should be happy for them but it's hard.
DH and I have 2 kids, I work 28 hours a week, he works 40 hours. I'm on little above minimum wage, he makes £14 an hour. 2 years ago my parents were able to give us £10,000 we used this a deposit on a house. We are in Scotland so that was little less than 10%. We were in a council house before that, but the area was awful, we were planning to use MIL for childcare and our kids would have to share a small room, plus I don't like the idea of boy/girl siblings sharing.
Our house is fine, it's not modern at all, basic and tired but functional.

DSs sister lives in a council house. She struck gold and got a council house on a private development when she had her twins as that put her up to 3 kids and classed as overcrowded, it's beautiful the houses on the estate all sold for 220k for a 3 bed which is double what our house was! She works 14 hours a week, makes a little more an hour than I do. Her husband is a joiner for the council and makes 33k a year.
PIL are also in a council house.

Here's the issue, they seem to live a much better life than we do! They go on 3 holidays a year (yes usually it's haven and euro camp but still!), have a nice newish car on lease etc.
This is mainly as they still get UC, which covers their full rent and then some. Since we bought we no longer qualify for any UC and as such we also can't get the Scottish child payment!
To top it off, they have just installed a new kitchen and bathroom in the house, it was basic before, but still it was only 2 years old!!! I know her DH is a joiner and did all the fitting himself and his dad is a painter and decorated so helped. Now they are doing the same for PIL.
It's so frustrating, we thought we were doing the right thing buying but now we are worse off, work more, make less when benefits are added.

AIBU to be really resentful that they are able to do all this and we can't? It feels like the system is broken!

^^ this
In 25 years you should have paid off the mortgage but your SIL will be paying rent forever. You will probably be able to pass an inheritance to your children.

Oh FFS stop bloody moaning about somebody in a nicer house than you.
If you really want a better house study at night for better qualifications to improve your job prospects.
The jealousy is eating you up. It gets more obvious in every post. YOU are bloody lucky in your OWN house which you received a £10,000 deposit for NO strings attached. You have FREE childcare.
There are people who will never, ever have what you have. You have two options:

1. Put up with your lot and stop moaning.
2. Do something about it. Work at night for extra qualifications to increase your job prospects. Plenty of people have done this. It's not impossible you just have to want it.

@Thedogscollar is right.

This is exactly what's wrong with this country. You didn't put the hard work in when you were younger to obtain qualifications that could open higher earning potential opportunities. Rather than be open to ways you can do that - you are dismissive and just suggest that all jobs should pay the same.

How do you think other people do it?! Do you think other people don't need or want to spend time with their children?! Do you think other people wouldn't love jobs where they don't need to be mentally taxed or able to come home at night and not think about things?

You are so entitled it's beyond belief but can't even see it because you're grudging the fact someone else is getting more than you.

You're not jealous that they have bigger and better things than you - if that's all it was you could work harder and obtain qualifications to help you get that lifestyle too. Instead you're jealous about the fact they are getting it handed to them "for free" and you are not.

Plenty do. But the point is that you have choices.

This 1000000%

In just a few short years you'll be so much better off than her OP

Who knows if the OP will be better off in the future?

Her SIL might get a freebie or inheritance to help buy somewhere too.

And that won't affect the OP or her life either.

You’re in financially lean years, OP, young children, early years of a mortgage and all bills, etc., but it’ll get easier. Once your children are older and your mortgage is getting paid down, you’ll have more time and money to spend on your home.

I do think it would be nice if your FIL gave you a hand with some decorating given that it’s his profession and he did it for his other child. Perhaps your DH could ask him.

Envy is the thief of joy.
Just focus on your own family and stop complaining and comparing as it will make you miserable.

And will all these people be saying “Whaaaaah… I haven’t got what my siblings have got and it isn’t faaaaaaaiiiiir!!!”?

Sorry not my FIL, SILs FIL so absolutely no relation to us!

Stop comparing your life to your in laws. If you don’t like your life make a plan to change it. Obsessing over this will just make you bitter.

Said someone who doesn’t understand how the world works.

Try to be thankful of what you have. It isn’t easy but that’s all we can do. Saying out loud the things you’re grateful for and encouraging your children to do the same is really rewarding. Things like health, family, education…

OP, reading your responses makes me think we’re being trolled. In fact, I hope so.

You were given a house deposit and you have free childcare. What the hell are you complaining for? Should no one other than you receive a helping hand along the way? If or once your children are in school, make more money. I won’t list various ideas for this because simply increasing your income isn’t your concern, unless it’s increased far beyond what your family members have and then all will be right again.

Oh just fuck off 🙄

OP I agree if they are earning close to £40k it’s a bit odd that they are getting help with housing.

I also agree with everyone else that you seem a bit obsessed with their situation, so that you are missing out on the advantages of your own.

I think that’s why everyone is telling you to stop comparing rather than discussing the benefits system.

For what it’s worth, I am a high earner (so work comes home with me at evenings and weekends) in a v expensive part of the country. I see people going on holiday abroad and I can’t afford to do that. I do wonder how they manage their finances to enable them to do that. I think it’s important to remember that everyone has different priorities. My priority is saving money for a rainy day fund as I used all my savings for my house deposit (no family help for me) and will need a safety net for my childcare costs (no family help there either). Other people will allocate their resources differently or have invisible means like family help. And that’s fine!

If you want to change the system, critically analyse the benefits system and apply your vote to a political party that aligns with your point of view. Otherwise, focus on your own priorities and your own resources and aspirations. There is a lot in our lives to be extremely grateful for and it’s best to focus on that :)

When they're in bed? When your DH is around?

Spend less time working out what others have got and more tube on your own situation.

👏 well said!

I tend to look inward at what I've got and focus on being grateful for it, there'll always be something you don't have or someone doing better than you, comparison is the thief of joy.

Obviously you have your mortgage to pay but if she earns more than you you should get more uc than them?

Long term you will pay your home off and have an Inheritence to leave your kids.

Your sill will get less benefits as kids get older so the balance will switch.

Surely if you're on benefits you shouldn't be able to do all this?

FWIW I agree with you on that, I don't see why they're getting benefits unless it's a non means tested health related benefit they receive.

@AmesandKe i do feel for you, your feelings are unreasonable but I hate that you said you’re not smart, and that people have been snotty to you about your job.

If I could give you some advice - keep your eye out for entry level sales roles (salaried, NOT knocking on doors). Sales is decentlh paid in general and if you’re friendly, enjoy speaking to people, and middle of the road with figures etc you earn really well once you get commission. Places I am thinking of include - car dealerships (look at websites of all local ones, pop in with a cv and have a chat), kitchen/bathroom showrooms (work up to being a designer), flooring stores etc. Just have a look around at your local area, and have a think. Not all places want full time workers, once your kids are in school it’s very normal to work part time hours.

They are getting what they're entitled too, Maybe they're frugal with things that OP isn't? Food, heating, clothes, days out, don't drink, don't smoke etc!

You do realise that people spend their money differently? Because they're received gong means tested benefits doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to spend their money how they see fit!

So bloody judgemental!

Keep focusing on your own race OP. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. We are not long in our own home and it’s a bit overwhelming with loads to do but it will get better and easier in time.