Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

[Throwmealemon]

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

I think good on him if he wants to prevent a pregnancy with more predictability than the rhythm method. Props to him for taking responsibility for the contraception.

He’s right. It’s not a method of contraception. I am very shocked you would think it is. Clearly you don’t want children, so what is the problem? He’s making sure of that. If you do want children then that’s a different conversation.

My DSis has two children as a result of the withdrawal method. I think your BF is sensible.

He's being responsible and thoughtful. Would either of you consider sterilisation?

I would only use that method if I didn't mind having a baby.

I think he’s being very sensible.

Sensible BF!

I'm not surprised tbh. Do you actually want to get pregnant?

I think he's being sensible. Why are you concerned? If you're both certain you don't want children, have either of you considered sterilisation?

I think he's taking control of the method of contraception that men can control because he wants to be totally sure he doesn't become a father. Fair play to him

I think you’ve been utterly ridiculous using that method for so long when you don’t want kids.

so he’s sensible. Or cheating. Or both.

I'd guess he's been worrying about it for a while. It sounds like it's spoiling the intimacy for him, which seems reasonable. After all he isn't wrong, it is risky - and he may also prefer to finish inside you.

I think it's absolutely fine, and he's completely within his rights (assuming you fully trust him, and you're not suggesting you don't here).

He is definitely not being unreasonable.

He is right to take control of his own fertility rather than relying on you to do so. There are so many accidental pregnancies.

Thank for your thoughts. It was really out of the blue and I wondered if something triggered him into thinking about it mid action.

I'm all for being safe but also have know. fertility issues myself so I guess I feel that we are being safe knowing my chances of conceiving are very low. Even without pulling out.

I do respect his view and we will use condoms going forward.

Sounds like a sensible chap.

There is no such thing as the rhythm method for contraception as you know.

It's all done on a wing and a prayer.

you have to keep a certain amount of composure during intimate moments to be able to do your method, as he ages he may find that harder to do.

Everyone I know that has used that method has also got themselves a baby!

I’m guessing he has mention what method you use to someone and they’ve said how idiotic it is and he has looked into it himself and decided he is uncomfortable. If he is uncomfortable then you don’t really get a choice. He wants to use condoms. If you don’t want to use condoms then you’ll have to take another form of contraception. But do not pressure him to continue having unprotected sex after he has told you no.

I have suggested a vasectomy to him however he isn’t keen. I would consider it but know the process can be much more complex for women. So it seems like condoms it is!

Everyone I know that has used that method has also got themselves a baby!

Same.

well done him... what an irresponsible method of contraception! espeically if one of you most definately does not want a baby

Pulling out has to be the most frustrating method imaginable for a bloke (as well as ridiculously unreliable). Maybe he has been fed up with it for a long time and finally had enough.

That one of you finally developed some common sense.

he recognizes that relying on him pulling out is foolish. If it fails, the decision rests entirely with you and he could have a baby, even though he does not want a child right now. He is being smart and adding a layer of protection against that happening.

Sensible fella! I know of at least 5 babies as the result of the pull out method.

He is panicking that you may want a kid. Although I’d be worried that he didn’t discuss it