Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

[Throwmealemon]

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

Em... I didn't actually realise people still actually use the rhythm method as a type of contraception tbh. I thought it had died out in the 70s!

That's a shitty thing to suggest. Poor man just wants to finish the job properly.

We had unexplained secondary infertility. Tried for 8 years for baby number 2. Gave up and used rhythm method. Temping and tracking everything. Now have an oopsie daisy baby. A very wanted oopsie. I must have ovulated early. Which isn't surprising given my age and now knowing that your cycles can change approaching peri

H won't have the snip and I won't do hormones again so using condoms now.

"men should take charge of their contraception if they don't want babies"
Man takes charge of contraception
"he is chetaing"

Can't win eh

With accurate temperature tracking to two or more decimal points and new algorithms to interpret data and plot individualised trends, it’s evolved somewhat since then and is used successfully by many - seems to be about as effective as condoms these days. But other methods are still more reliable.

I tracked my periods and fell pregnant, even using pull out. I had a termination and am now on antidepressants. Save yourself the heartache, use the condoms x

Surely you’re not in your late 30s and naive enough to think the withdrawal method actually works?!?! I always thought that state of mind was saved for teenagers who inevitably ended up pregnant at 15. Time to grow up OP and practice actual proven methods of contraception if you don’t actually want a child.

Heard many times from people in maternity clinics!
It's a terrible method if you don't want children.

My surprise baby no 3 was as a result of this. It worked until it didn't. I wouldn't change it though. Point is, your DP is right, it's not a long term plan.

Dude has been cheating, potentially got an STD, and wants to cover it up until it's cleared. Then back to pulling out :)

I honestly don't think this is the reason, maybe a 1% chance though.

Probably because he wants to surer way to prevent pregnancy. The pull out method is a ridiculous method of contraception (if you can even call it that).

We use pull and pray also… we would love a baby but have a couple of months until our house is ready. Ultimately we’d be overjoyed if we got pregnant. Not sure I’d use this method if we didn’t want kids

Nice to hear if a responsible man even tho it's taken a while to figure it

I was raised Catholic. There’s a reason the withdrawal method is known as Vatican Roulette.

Why can’t you go on the pill

We used this method for 9 years. Never got pregnant. And when we decided we want a baby - I got pregnant instantly.
However, my friend has 3 kids from this.

Except it's not the withdrawal method being used.

So much misinformation on this thread.

I'm not saying I'd be relying on it, but it's not just 'withdrawing'.

What's the issue with a vasectomy if he doesn't want children? I had one after two children, it's a very straightforward procedure. As a man, you lose so much sensation with a condom and the smell and the look of the things :-/

but how does he know they are not? does he take her temp? does he track her app? is he aware of her cycle...

i guess its on her say so? if your child came to you and said that her/him and her/him were using this methond... you'd hit the roof... and this is a pair of grown adults

Er, yes?

Ever heard of trust, and a committed relationship?

He presumably trusts her. If she was on the pill, would he need to see evidence of her taking it?

I wouldn't hit the roof if I had an adult child making this choice. If they asked I'd give my opinion. I personally don't agree it's reliable enough if you really don't want children. But it's not as reckless as you are characterising.

I got sterilised. It's keyhole surgery and took 7 minutes. It woke up shortly afterwards and felt fine. I didn't even need pain killers. Although they may have used something for pain during the op.
It felt like period pain.

I don't understand why so many women are resistant to being sterilised.

Someone I know who used that method, ended up with an extra 2 children! Condoms are much safer.

Honestly and I know people think ‘yeah right’ but my third dc was conceived with the pull out method. We were just a bit lazy regarding contraception I was meant to have a coil fitted but one thing after another… I tracked my (regular) cycle very well and we only had sex on ‘non fertile’ days & pulled out… &… I got pregnant. I must have ovulated 5+ days earlier than I should have and still now that dc is almost 3, looking back at my cycles app I CANNOT work out how I got pregnant on that day. It happens!!

I’ve got pregnant with a coil

I’ve got pregnant using the withdrawal method

I’ve never got pregnant using the rhythm method (5 years and counting). There’s some proper ignorant women on this thread.

Because it’s a postcode lottery if your local NHS offers it

Most people don’t have 3/4k hanging around to get their tubes tied. Our local NHS doesn’t even offer vasectomy

Well i got pregnant from the pull out "method" and had to have a termination. Never since, I dont want to go through that again.