Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

[Throwmealemon]

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

It should be called rhythm roulette, not method.

Well done him on making a sensible choice.

How original - you're the very first person to make that comment on the thread

I would revisit the vasectomy conversation. He sounds pretty sensible and considerate, would he speak to a doctor about it at least? My partner and I used cycle tracking successfully for years but eventually he had a vasectomy which was not nearly as painful as he thought it would be, he enjoyed the terrible fuss I made of him for his ‘recovery’ and we paid to freeze sperm “just in case”. If he’s sure he doesn’t want kids ever it really is the least fuss most effective method

@EarringsandLipstick woah check you out being so cool and bitchy, wouldn't ever expect that from you Lippy chips I hadn't read the rest of the thread when I commented. And it's still my view anyway so I would say it anyway. Now off you trot back to your Mumsnet royalty throne and polish your thread police halo. Twonk.

This

Good for him. If you don't want children then you are insane to rely on withdrawal.

😂

You're delightful.

Lippy chips

Loving this as an insult! Stupid, but funny 😀

I mean, she's not, but you're correct, contraception is advisable.

100% this.

He is being very responsible .

A vasectomy would be better though- or sterilisation for women.

I think he's very sensible

If you are both sure, I would consider asking him to get a vasectomy, more reliable than condoms, cheaper… more enjoyable

I mean, I agree with the general consensus that he’s sensible. The only thing that has my alarms ringjng is why now?

Probably because he wants to "cum inside" safely and not be dissatisfied with pulling out. It's not exactly intimate and enjoyable if you can't relax because you're concentrating on pulling out I bet.

Ah, yes! That’s probably it. I’m tired!😂

You're one of them! It's so risky!

The running joke in many medical circles is that the correct term for those who rely on the withdrawal method of birth control is "parents." You have been remarkably fortunate thus far. Small amounts of semen are released before a man is aware that orgasm is imminent. There are more than enough sperm there to make you pregnant.

Personally, I'm amazed that your boyfriend is actually being proactive in birth control. Most are happy to leave it all up to the woman.

Women can be very fertile at your age, I was, but I wanted to have babies.
Anecdotally, one often hears of couples nowadays and from pre IVF days who've not been able to conceive for ten + years of being a couple and then, suddenly in their late thirties/forties - it happens! Which is amazing if its what you want...

I think, just to be on the safe side, get an STI check. It’s a bit odd that he’s suddenly concerned by this. Your intuition has alerted you because everything considered, this is very unusual to you.

Has he ever expressed interest in getting a vasectomy? If he doesn’t want children, it seems like the most sensible option.

Separately, there is risk involved in your contraceptive method but with pull-out plus rhythm method, I think you’re unlikely to get pregnant with a partner who has never mistimed pulling out. It’s the men who tend to make mistakes here who increase the stated risk of pregnancy with this method. Other forms of contraception fail too. However, agreed that one must accept the risk with this method though.

Bloody hell, I should think so too. The rhythm method is absolute madness if you don't want kids.
You should know it doesn't work.
Are you trying to get pregnant accidentally on purpose because it sure sounds like it?

Every time I hear about a guy not wanting children, but refusing a vasectomy, I always think he's keeping his options open.

Or perhaps he has developed “pro-life” beliefs and feels he cannot support an abortion but does not want children either.

Not my position but just exploring why he might have asked for condoms hypothetically.

Your boyfriend is very sensible for wanting to use condoms. The pull out method is not fully reliable.

However, I suspect his true reason for wanting to use condoms is because he wants to finish inside.

If you want to use the rhythm method, please use fertility tracking technology. There are gadgets that measure and track your temperature so that you can reliably tell when you're ovulating and fertile, and increases the rhythm method success rate from 80% to 99.9% reliable if followed correctly.

Nah. Men don't want their "manhoods" tampered with .

Given how/where he made the announcement, I think someone he knows is facing impending unwanted fatherhood.

Whether that is from a genuine reliance on FAM/rhythm, their partner being 'infertile' or being 'tricked' by someone not taking the contraceptive pill as directed (deliberately or otherwise).

In any event, he's now made a smart decision i.e. relying on himself to take responsibility to prevent pregnancy rather than rely on anyone else to do so.