Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

[Throwmealemon]

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

Also pull out isn’t a method, it’s more a game of luck

If you’re sure you don’t want children then the withdrawal method is lunacy.
it’s for people who don’t mind too much or are just secretly hoping they have an accidental pregnancy because they aren’t quite ready to say the words ‘we are trying’ but for whom an accident wouldn’t result in termination.
Your boyfriend is being sensible and caring towards you - he loves you and doesn’t want you to go through a termination.

So can abortion.

If you're both certain you never want children, you both need to do something permanent about it.

My friend has 3 kids from this method. He's being sensible. Maybe he's struggling with the method now.

Is the rhythm method just a grown up name for pulling out?

Probably worried you may secretly want a baby!

Sensible fella, the pull out method isn't even a method it's just stupidity.

Basically we don’t have sex on days I am fertile and other days that are ‘safe’ he pulls out. I track my temp and cervical mucus.

Yes maybe as someone else suggested he is struggling to control things more as he gets older.

We did toy with the idea of children for some time but more recently have decided it’s just not for us. So yes it makes sense to find foolproof contraception going forward.

Withdrawal apparently has a 78% success rate as a method of contraception.

Yeah. No thanks. That basically means every 1 in 4 times you have sex you risk getting pregnant. Pretty high odds if you DON'T want a baby.

It is playing Russian Roulette with your lives and is frankly silly if you know you don't want to be parents.

For me the issue isn't that he wants to prevent a pregnancy but that he didn't discuss this prior to being intimate.

It smacks of A Reason that's not good news.

My mind would be thinking he's got someone else & not having to explain to her how you're pregnant when he doesn't have sex with you. Tricky to explain that one!

why won't he have a vasectomy if he's committed to you and neither of you want CG Olsen. Why is he keeping his options open?

i was told i would never conceive again! never used protection... and you can guess the rest!!

i suspect you actually do want children, and using this method meant a 'happy accident' would happen and the world would be all rosey for you

This made me look up condom use and I’m shocked that with typical use, it’s only 87%!! Hormonal pill is 99% so probably a better bet actually.

for someone who does not want to get pregnant... you sure do a spend a lot of time tracking fertility etc

I think the getting pregnant is a red herring here.
All of a sudden, mid session he wants to use a condom when before now he’s been fine with the method you’ve agreed on.

my ex did this (I was on the pill) but then also wanted to use condoms… we broke up soon after.
He was paranoid about Having to commit to me

He sounds great!

Tracking is an excellent way of not getting preggas

If you don't want children then why are you not using contraception. That's massively irresponsible. And to think it's strange that your boyfriend wants to...?

He think you'll trap you with a surprise baby.

He's been unfaithful and doesn't want to have unprotected sex in case he passes on an sti.

its also a great one for getting pregnant... i suspect OP wants to be pregnant, and boyfriend has caught on.

for both of them not to want children, they use the least effective method on earth...

seriously?

Could it be that as you get older the consequences feel more serious/ would be even worse to get pregnant ?

No, people who DON'T want to get pregnant also track their fertility. It works both ways.
I agree though that he is being sensible by switching to condom use, and its good that he's doing that rather than immediately asking you to go on the pill/take responsibility

We did toy with the idea of children for some time but more recently have decided it’s just not for us. So yes it makes sense to find foolproof contraception going forward.

Was that you bringing it up and hoping bf would start to come round to the idea?

Pulling out when he comes? Are you teenagers from the 50's? Because that was the last time the rhythm method was considered a method of contraception

Absolutely fine to do this if you haven't finished your family and wanting another one at some point

Russian roulette

That seems a lot of faff when you could just use a reliable method of contraception.

its also a great one for getting pregnant... i suspect OP wants to be pregnant, and boyfriend has caught on.

Stop inventing stuff.

I wouldn't be relying on tracking / rhythm but the methodology used by OP is perfectly valid, and doesn't have anything to do with getting pregnant (as they'd obviously be having sex on her fertile days, if it was).