Boyfriend wants to start using condoms again

[Throwmealemon]

My boyfriend of 4 years and use the rhythm method for contraception and he pulls out (very controlled and never had an accident) We are in our late 30’s and don’t want children.

This has been going brilliantly until during our last intimate moment, he stopped mid session and said he feel uncomfortable with our contraception method and thinks we should use condoms going forward. His reasoning is incase I were to get pregnant and have to go through a termination and he doesn’t want that.

It came so out of the blue and left me quite confused to the sudden turn around. What are your thoughts?

but how does he know they are not? does he take her temp? does he track her app? is he aware of her cycle...

i guess its on her say so? if your child came to you and said that her/him and her/him were using this methond... you'd hit the roof... and this is a pair of grown adults

Thank you all for your input. I guess now that we have made the concrete decision not to have kids we do need to take contraception more seriously and condoms seem like an easy choice.

Someone suggested he may have an STD or he cheating. I don’t think that is the case. It just shocked me, mid action and left me feeling a bit confused! Now I’ve thought it through and looked at the statistics I realise it makes total sense and realise we’ve been quite stupid to risk it at all!

Throwmealemon

Are you certain you don’t want a baby?

Sorry @Throwmealemon my first thought was, he’s worried he may have a STD from cheating.

If he passes it to you there’s nowhere to hide.

Maybe he just finally thought that he’d like to finish in the proper way and summoned up the courage to do something about it at last

Me and DH used that method once as I'd run out of pills and we didn't have any condoms.
The result of that one time is now 2 years old!

You're an absolute, utter idiot, to think that pulling out is a decent method of contraception.

It's a good job he's starting to use condoms, you clearly are too irresponsible to procreate any time soon.

I think it's good that one of you has some sense.

You don’t want children and yet you use the rhythm method?! Goodness me. He’s being eminently sensible about it by wanting to use condoms again.

The 22% failure rate is per YEAR, not per shag!

And they're not just using withdrawal. They're using withdrawal + cycle tracking. That's two flawed contraception methods which statistically, (in theory), might well combine to be better than condoms alone.

However if the boyfriend prefers to switch to condoms, as sensible adults in a long term relationship it'll probably be safe enough, it's a perfectly reasonable choice.

However if you definitely don't want to get pregnant, and you don't particularly object to hormonal methods you might want to consider Mirena, which is actually properly reliable.

Sorry @Throwmealemonmy first thought was, he’s worried he may have a STD from cheating.

Absolutely. Any man who genuinely cared about contraception versus safe sex would have brought it up at the beginning.

You posted because this was you thought. You were probably right. Get tested. Check his phone!

He sounds like a keeper OP - being respectful and hates the thought of putting you through something that would be awful.
Would a coil be an option? You may not be able to have one if you have certain hormone issues but it’s a thought.

It worked for us for a year (and I've fallen pregnant 3 times v quickly) but it's much less satisfying IMO.

Maybe someone he knows has got pregnant this way and he's realised it's more risky than he first thought 🤷🏻‍♀️

Would an IUD work for you? If he isn't cheating that's a good option. Protects against pregnancy but not against STD

Pull out method is like a game of Russian roulette. I think he is being very sensible.

I hope you have a long future together, he is very thoughtful.

What a sweet caring bloke !

Yeah I'd thought he'd been unfaithful and he may have an std

What OP is describing sounds to me like the “fertility awareness method” (temperature and cycle tracking) which is 91-99% effective over a year when used all the time. https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/natural-family-planning/#

It is not the same as the withdrawal method at all and is not a roulette, but based on data built up over time. Often I see people on here equating the two, and this is incorrect.

Many people use it completely successfully and the advantage of not being on hormonal contraception (for those who find the side effects outweigh the benefits) can be significant.

That said, neither FAM nor condoms are the most reliable choices if you have both decided you are sure you want to avoid pregnancy.

A general caveat with FAM is that periods and ovulation can become more erratic around the time of peri menopause, making it potentially less reliable for a woman in this situation than it would have been for her hitherto.

I suppose a step up from current practice, should you not want hormonal contraception or procedures, would be to combine the two: condoms on non-fertile days, and abstinence on fertile ones?

Best of luck to you.

Wow you’ve been very lucky not to get pregnant.

That said, something seems odd about the way he’s suddenly decided this after 4 years. Could he be cheating? Or maybe thinking he wants out.

My exH always wanted to use condoms, I realise now he was never faithful to me. Other men been way keener to loose to condoms, which is I suppose what made me realise

I think you can also get some sperm killing gel to go with the condoms.

I'm pregnant with my withdrawal method baby... to be fair it worked for 7 years and I also wasn't against another...

You'll both enjoy it better with condoms, no need to worry about when to pull out. You can relax and come together.