Trapped working from home with toddlers.

[ChasingRainbows8]

I have a job that is partly working from home, in that I do an assessment and have to then write a report for court from home. My DH has taken on the role of childcare, as we have a DD who is 1 and a DD who is 3.

I work from an upstairs office, if I am seen or heard by the 1 year old, it starts a huge tantrum, so I am basically trapped upstairs. DH never takes them out, they are always just milling around downstairs. They do go to nursery on a Wed/Thurs but I can't plan to do all of my work on those days. AIBU to expect that DH should take them out for some of the day? It is so distracting to try to work with the noise of them both climbing the walls. I have tried working from a café, which is fine but was getting expensive.

Any tips on making a work from home arrangement with two toddlers in the house workable? I always feel like I am either stuck in the room or causing hell if I dare to go down to make a cup of tea.

Go to a local library?

The thing is, your house is a home before it's an office.

If you need to work from home then you need to set things up so that you can stay in your office and not interrupt your DH or the toddlers.

He shouldn't have to take the children out just so you can work in peace or make a cup of tea whenever you fancy it.

DH never takes them out,
He has to start taking them out. They need to be out every day - for their physical, social and emotional health. Why does he not take them out?

Yeah a library is a great shout. Does your company have any offices you can use? Some places offer cheap rates for local workers and you can share an office.

Course he needs to take them out! Walks, park, play groups, soft play, swimming. How boring for the kid, him and you! Start booking stuff for him if you need to 'oh I've booked that new soft play today, shame I can't be there have fun!'

THIS

Totally ridiculous. What does he think his responsibilities are?

I did try the local library but it doesn't have any tables in there for people to work from laptops and the bigger one was closed down due to cuts 😣

My husband used to wfh, many years ago, when our children were small. I took
them out so he could work in peace! It may well be a home first and foremost but , without the salary from wfh, it won’t be our home for long!

Is a library suitable for the work you're dealing with? You mention assessments and court reports - surely these should be worked on in a confidential space?or at the very least not a public place.

I totally get this, I don't expect them to be out all of the time. Maybe just an hour so I can grab lunch.

I have got a privacy screen as I have to be really careful working in public spaces, plus I can't really take any calls in public spaces due to the nature of the work.

Can you just go to the office?

It's self employed, I don't have an office to go to.

Sorry, my oversight.

A co-working space with private places for meetings?

Imagine a SAHM coming on here and saying their DH didn't think she was taking the children out enough, and organising soft play sessions for her

He and the kids will feel miles better for getting out even for an hour or so most days. I know it's a faff to get everything ready to go out but the time flies faster and a change of scene really helps. Park, shopping centre, nursery rhyme time, plus he could meet up with other parents?

Either he takes them out, or you go out.

Thank you. It's trying to make a home for every purpose, I know it will be easier when they reach school age. Honestly, I think DH struggles with two toddlers out and about, so he finds it easier at home. Its a tricky time I guess he will take the youngest out more when the older girl starts school.

Prep your lunch in advance and store it in a mini fridge in your office. You could even get a cheap microwave so you could heat stuff up if you wanted.

I get it's not very nice to be holed up in one room of your house all day, but most homes aren't set-up to be full-time workplaces, especially when there's also a SAHP and young children around.

Get yourself a decent set of noise reducing earphones so you can concentrate on work better, and a kettle, put a tray with mugs etc in the room you are in so you at least can have a drink, but you need to take a break occasionally, as does your husband, could you take them somewhere local at say lunchtime and he take over so you can get back to work, I do think you need to talk to your dh about getting the kids out for their own sakes, but maybe it's too much hassle for him if you helped it might get you into a better routine. But also start working with your 1 year old my kids knew by 18 months that at certain times i was working and would come to them later.

@fieldsofbutterflies Enough? He doesn’t take them out at all.

You should not be a prisoner in your office.
You could go to a coworking place or you get your DH to manage your kids behaviour. If a tantrum starts, distract and praise good behavior when it stops (easier in the older child than the one year old). The more this happens the quicker they will get it.

Is there no workplace/office you can go to if you’d rather not wfh? It’s unreasonable to expect your dh to be out of the house for large periods of the day.

Then that's a separate issue that OP needs to tackle separately.

Besides, even if he did take them out everyday, there's no guarantee that it would be at times that are convenient to OP who wants to be able to go down and make coffee or have lunch without disturbing them.

How does your DH manage staying home all day with a 1 and 3 year old? My DC would be climbing the walls and they are fairly easy going.

Of course it’s their home but aside from your working issues, surely your DC need appropriate stimulation each day?