Trapped working from home with toddlers.

[ChasingRainbows8]

I have a job that is partly working from home, in that I do an assessment and have to then write a report for court from home. My DH has taken on the role of childcare, as we have a DD who is 1 and a DD who is 3.

I work from an upstairs office, if I am seen or heard by the 1 year old, it starts a huge tantrum, so I am basically trapped upstairs. DH never takes them out, they are always just milling around downstairs. They do go to nursery on a Wed/Thurs but I can't plan to do all of my work on those days. AIBU to expect that DH should take them out for some of the day? It is so distracting to try to work with the noise of them both climbing the walls. I have tried working from a café, which is fine but was getting expensive.

Any tips on making a work from home arrangement with two toddlers in the house workable? I always feel like I am either stuck in the room or causing hell if I dare to go down to make a cup of tea.

I think he needs to go back to work at least part time (did he have a job at some point?) and you go part time or get a nanny or nursery or grandparents to help fill in the gaps.
I'm guessing you earn much more than he does, did you guys inherit money for the big house/garden, or did he have a career? I'm assuming you don't earn tons otherwise you would rent a work-space/office?

I also don't take my toddler out every single day, they are very chilled and would never be climbing the walls, but I take them out every day we are both well (they go to nursery 3 x times a week) even if it's just to the supermarket. They love being out and about and learn more in that hour or two than I could ever teach them

He would be better getting a job and putting your children in nursery more just so they get some fresh air and a change of scene. I used to take mine out every day come rain or shine to wear them out.

It’s on him to ensure they get some fresh air every day! Staying in all day is not good for anyone in this equation.

Well, the only person who appears to be actively unhappy about it is the OP.

Also, you can "yawn" about it all you like, but I still think if a female SAHP had been staying home with two little ones over the awful winter we've just had, she'd be receiving a lot more sympathy than the DH is currently getting.

In fact, on every thread I've read from people complaining about how hard this winter has been with little children, they’ve received tons of sympathy and encouragement, and even people saying it's okay not to take your DC out in miserable weather for the umpteenth time.

He should taken them out sometimes but you may need to find a better way to work. Can you go into the office in those days? We only have to go in half the week but I find I get more done going in.

Otherwise a coffee shop?

I work in legal and it's not that difficult to work confidentially if you go somewhere that isn't too busy, where no one can sit behind you and see your screen and you don't say party names and identifying info during calls.

I can't work from home with my seven year old dotting about he is by nature very loud and the constant questions asking me to play take me out of my stride. People are right in that it's their home but your husband does need to take them out for fresh air and stimulation. He also needs a break throughout the day for himself too. Either way you are all trying your best I think it's just difficult with two babies.

The children are here, so don't quite understand the "don't have them so close together" comment, hardly helpful?

I was in this situation during covid (toddler cared for downstairs whilst I was trapped upstairs). I use to take a flask and all the snacks I needed up with me

My sister used to rent an office space and it made a huge difference to her to give her a proper working environment.

Do you not have garden toys for them? Water table, sand table, balls, a slide? Really nothing? Sack DH and send them to a child minder. These are the most important years for development. He's not remotely doing the job leaving two tiny kids on screens.

To be honest, it feels more like they should go to nursery more often and he should work to help pay for it (and so you qualify for the free hours for working parents scheme!)
Based on your updates, It's not about taking them out or not, it's about providing adequate education and parenting for your kids. And he isn't doing that if he doesn't do any structured activities with them at all, and just turn the TV on to babysit.
Not letting them out in the garden because he might have to change them if they get muddy?! Come one! The 3 yo in particular must be so bored!

It's their home more than your office so you can't expect them to be quiet. However your dh sounds absolutely useless as a SAHP ( no shame in this, I would have been too), from what you have written it would be better all round for your dh to go back to work and for your dc to go to nursery.