Trapped working from home with toddlers.

[ChasingRainbows8]

I have a job that is partly working from home, in that I do an assessment and have to then write a report for court from home. My DH has taken on the role of childcare, as we have a DD who is 1 and a DD who is 3.

I work from an upstairs office, if I am seen or heard by the 1 year old, it starts a huge tantrum, so I am basically trapped upstairs. DH never takes them out, they are always just milling around downstairs. They do go to nursery on a Wed/Thurs but I can't plan to do all of my work on those days. AIBU to expect that DH should take them out for some of the day? It is so distracting to try to work with the noise of them both climbing the walls. I have tried working from a café, which is fine but was getting expensive.

Any tips on making a work from home arrangement with two toddlers in the house workable? I always feel like I am either stuck in the room or causing hell if I dare to go down to make a cup of tea.

Lots of the activities suggested would be a nightmare with a 3 yr old and 1 yr old with only one adult. Eg soft play - 1 yr old needs to be in baby area, 3 yr old wants to be in the older bits but needs an adult help/keeping an eye. Swimming is possible if shallow pool and 3 yr old confident but the changing would be really difficult. Best options for someone who doesn't sound very confident anyway about going out might be toddler groups suitable for a range of ages, park (but weather dependent and if 1 yr old not confidently walking then might still be tricky)., or popping out to get one item from a shop. Would be easier at eg 5 and 3 to get out and about.

Also, mine needed to go out all the time and still do but I know some kids who are genuinely happiest and easiest to deal with at home.

Nursery is largely an indoor activity too, and in the same space. No young child I know would be happy seeing the same four walls five days a week all day, save for the quick trip to nursery and back, unless they were Maris Piper potatoes.

Is a Garden Shed office an option?

I did consider this, we have lovely beautiful garden for the DC to play in, I hope when the weather improves that will at least be used so the DC get some fresh air.

Around here, nurseries are largely indoor/outdoor with free play between both. I go past our local nurseries multiple times a day with my job and the children are always outside playing, whatever the weather.

But it does seem she wants them taken out to benefit her and not for their benefit.

We go to groups (messy play, music style groups) and soft play, library, role play centres, parks (when the weather allows ie never!)

But

My youngest isn’t walking yet. I can imagine some of those will be harder when she isn’t.

Swimming is a no no here. It’s a 1:1 ratio for under 5s.

The outing on my days off are planned by me and done mostly by me alone, to give DH a bit of a break. I know he likes to be at home, so I don't force activities on him on my days off. I also know how much I appreciated some child free time when I was the one at home and he was the one working, so I try to do this for him every week.

Well, they’re all different round here they’re not all like that! And it’s still the same space isn’t it? The same slides, same balls, etc etc. it’s great to be outside but they still need some variety on that.

Are you really happy with doing that every week while he doesn't take them out at all during his time?

It's starting to feel like there's some resentment there and that's spilling over to the issues around WFH.

But it would benefit all of them, that’s a winner surely.

It's their home too. I think you need to discuss a schedule with dh. Factor in a range of things for him to do and outings for the dc .
Factor in what to do on lunchtime and toilet breaks. Communicate with dh via text , so you each know what to expect.

And get a flask or kettle for your workspace.

Surely that applies to going to the park everyday, or to soft play?

Because I'm pretty sure most DC with a SAHP end up going to the same parks, zoos, petting farms and soft plays all the time on a rotation too.

Many children go to nursery four or five days a week, so according to you will stare at the ‘same four walls’ - they’re not all ‘Maris Piper potatoes’. Good nurseries will have indoor and outdoor areas, lots of enrichment activities and will take the children the local park and on outings. There’s no reason to believe these children are just sitting like spuds when they’re at nursery.

If it’s on rotation then it’s not the same every day, is it. That offers more variety than home-nursery, surely you see that…?

I am happy with planning activities to give him a break, looking after a 1 and 3 year old is relentless...I just wish he would do some things with them too.

OP does outgoings with them both days at weekends, and they get two days at nursery - so they're hardly sat at home seven days a week doing nothing.

I don't think it does DC any harm to stay home 2-3 days a week, to be honest, though I know that's controversial on MN. You can provide plenty of enrichment and activities indoors and in the garden.

Plus, the weather recently has been absolutely horrendous - mud, hail, rain, wind - it's been a really tough winter and there have been multiple threads on here from parents of small DC who are utterly fed up of taking cold, wet toddlers on outings everyday.

Well, no need to do it when at home then. And of course nursery should offer more stimulation and opportunities for activity than being at home. Again, they are not all created equally. I just don’t think it’s particularly beneficial at all for children to do the same things/stay at home all the time, which is what these children are doing 3x a week because for whatever reason, OP’s husband can’t organise taking them out.

What's his reason for not taking them out?

Is he WFH too?

Obviously he should take them out some days. But equally if he wants some days at home with them, that should be up to him as SAHP. I only had one day off a week with DS and usually we went somewhere but sometimes we just stayed in and played with Duplo or something. Has OP said all he does is bung them in front of the TV all day? Maybe he’s doing a lot of enriching indoor activities and once the weather gets better, he’ll take them out more.

He likes to be at home, this was the case pre-babies, so I shouldn't be surprised really 😂I just thought being at home with two toddlers would drive him as crazy as it did for me, turns out it doesn't and he doesn't mind at all.

It’s a winner if it leads to happiness all round. In my experience it leads to one parent feeling shoved out of their own home and it’s miserable.

No he is at home looking after the girls.

Doesn’t sound like it, OP says she’s frustrated at listening to them ‘climbing the walls’ when she used to do lots of things with them, plus they have a big garden that isn’t utilised. Yep, the weather has been uteri shite, but there have been patches where it’s more than possible to enjoy some outside time. Or build a mud kitchen or something. Not all of us are lucky enough to have young children and a garden.