Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

That's really rude abs I would complain. It's not even funny. I don't mind a bit of off colour humour and even I don't find that funny... what a twat.

Awful.
Did your DH respond to him ?

Report it. Until this bullshit is challenged it'll keep happening, I am sorry, what a twat.

VesperLind for support.

I think it speaks reems about the misogyny of that one idiot oncologist. It says nothing about the NHS at all.

I've just been through 3 years of cancer treatment. I can honestly say, with the exception of one slightly clumsy individual, the care from both men and women had been unstintingly supportive, sensitive and supremely professional.

This really isn't a valid response or question.

I would be making an official complaint.

I don't know what he was thinking, it's not funny, it's not even relevant and it certainly does smack of misogyny.

Definitely complain. Unacceptable from any medical professional but particularly in this instance.

Good god - we should not be hearing comments like this any more - I would definitely complain, @Gyneapologist - and I hope you feel better soon.

He was as gobsmacked as I was. Those appointments make you feel very small and inconsequential and it’s hard to sometimes locate your voice

What on earth has that got to do with anything?

WTF. Lost for words. That’s so inappropriate & not funny / harmless at all.

Can you really not imagine why?

Really?

Did either of you say anything at the time?

Do make a complaint. Others may not have support from their spouse.

I echo this. I took him for support as I tend to downplay symptoms and be the ‘good patient’.

Isn't that obvious? But in any event why on earth do you need to know?

Why would he not be there??? Have you read why op was there?

I’m an NHS doctor. I think this is a totally inappropriate comment, do feedback.

and I’m sorry this happened.

For support I would imagine.
I would be more surprised if a husband didn't want to be at an appointment.
I always tell my patients to take someone along with them to these specialist appointments, for support in cade they get bad news, to help them remember what was said, to help advocate for them if they struggle to do so for themselves

Why is that a: relevant and b: any of your business?
I 'd take a punt that the OP wanted him there.
I despair

I so wish that were true. Did I add that he is the lead consultant and chief of surgery?
misogyny is endemic in the NHS, it’s embedded in the hierarchy and the attitude to women’s’ pain. It’s changing but slowly. Alas there was an ‘apprentice’ sitting in on my appointment (male), so I imagine that shit is still
filtering down

Why on earth not?

It was an appalling remark op. But I totally get why both of you would be too shocked to say anything.

When you can't quite believe what you're hearing/seeing it can render you speechless. And once the moment has passed it's much more difficult to say anything.