Page 18 | Gynaecologist remark to DH

Gyneapologist · 2024-04-19T13:19:00+00:00

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲 male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im 53 btw. I feel equally humiliated and outraged as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

anchoviesanchovies · 24/04/2024 10:21

Battyfumworts · 23/04/2024 22:10

I’d like to say I’m shocked by this but I’m not, sadly. I am very sorry it happened though.

I too am under surveillance following gynaecological cancer, my gynaecology oncology consultant is very kind and we sit and chat without a nurse present at times, they arrive in time for the examination, sad that people think they need to pull apart your posts 🙄.

Unfortunately, my negative experience has been more with a couple of the nurses, I was told my cancer was a different type to the type I actually had, over the phone before I’d had my f2f diagnosis, the type they told me was associated with much poorer outcomes, I had to come away from that call with no other info and nobody to ask. I also had an inappropriate comment made about my weight gain as well as being laughed at; as a visible side effect to the cancer surgery it has hit me hard as I see it when I look in the mirror or feel it in my clothes, it’s a constant reminder of the whole experience.

I’m independent and competent but my husband still attends my appointments, it’s perfectly normal and I'm glad to see many comments here that get that and the original point of your post, the comments made to you were completely unacceptable, and I’m sure much more common that people realise.

Some comments here have clearly come from people with no empathy who haven’t been touched by cancer, or they’re just foul people, either way they’re unimportant and you shouldn’t give them a second thought.

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Jesus Battyfumworts, that is horrendous, I'm so sorry. I hope you're clear now or on the road to being clear.

I had it commented on that I was putting on weight during chemo, kind of annoying as I had a 10 month old which may also have had something to do with it. It was a throwaway comment rather than telling me off but when you're already feeling sensitive...

Battyfumworts · 25/04/2024 14:52

anchoviesanchovies · 24/04/2024 10:21

Jesus Battyfumworts, that is horrendous, I'm so sorry. I hope you're clear now or on the road to being clear.

I had it commented on that I was putting on weight during chemo, kind of annoying as I had a 10 month old which may also have had something to do with it. It was a throwaway comment rather than telling me off but when you're already feeling sensitive...

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I’m doing well now thanks, I hope you are too!

I don’t understand working in a caring profession if you don’t care 🤔, it isn’t just being a bit daft, clueless, etc, these people are trained in how to handle their patients, more so people who work with cancer patients, there is no excuse

DriftingDora · 25/04/2024 19:23

Battyfumworts · 25/04/2024 14:52

I’m doing well now thanks, I hope you are too!

I don’t understand working in a caring profession if you don’t care 🤔, it isn’t just being a bit daft, clueless, etc, these people are trained in how to handle their patients, more so people who work with cancer patients, there is no excuse

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I think some of them are on 'power trips' - no matter how much so-called 'training' they've had, people with this mentality enjoy saying inappropriate things to people who are going through a stressful time, thinking they're safe from the person answering them back because the person - quite naturally - is feeling low anyway, so they can get away with making these remarks.

The reality, of course, is that people who can make these comments, either in person or any other form, are inadequate saddos and if doing this makes them feel superior then they've obviously got zilch going for them in their own personal or private lives.

Thefreakyfairy · 25/04/2024 20:37

VesperLind · 19/04/2024 14:21

Why was your husband with you in the consultation?

My hubby comes into every appointment with me as I get flustered and forget things! X

Commonsense22 · 25/04/2024 20:43

Yes, people need to stop cutting the NHS so much slack. I had a disturbing experience of a similar kind recently and that was a foot x-ray!

Nanof8 · 25/04/2024 23:01

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

I have had my husband come with me to doctor appointments and I have also went to some of his. When it's something as big as a cancer scare it's very easy to not ask the questions you meant too. Or worse not remembering the answers you were given.
When I had cancer my mom came with me to all my appointments and treatments after the initial one. So to me it's not about being a competent, independent person. Sometimes the extra support is needed.

unisexforreal · 26/04/2024 10:04

BeaRF75 · 19/04/2024 14:49

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

@BeaRF75, I'm an extremely competent independent women, however for cancer appointments it is really best to try and have someone there to ask the questions you forget. Especially a husband/wife/partner as they may have their own questions. What an absurdly blinkered condescending response you made.