Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

Going to take a wild guess here..

Maybe for support!?

🙄🙄🙄

I was coming on here to point out that "just playing devil's advocate" is a phrase that people only use when they know they're about to say something totally out of order

Female gynaes are far worse in my experience

Stupid question!!!

Bet no female gynae in the history of the world has ever joked with a husband about replacing his wife with a young model though.

Really? What is your experience of worse misogyny that this from female gynaes?

Definitely make a complaint. You have DH as a witness. Note the apprentice was there as well.

this. I have met (and worked with) some lovely consultants but oh my goodness there are also some doozies there.

She is probably looking for any reason to put the blame on the OP for what happened 🤷🏼‍♀️
OP, that comment from the doctor was needless and awful

Please please complain. I once went to the GP after a head injury and whilst there, lost the ability to speak. They called an ambulance and phoned my Dh to meet us at A&E. The paramedic laughed his head off and said it was every man’s dream. He made disgusting remarks about every woman the ambulance passed He told my husband to not let them fix it. I didn’t report but wish I had. That man is alone with vulnerable women every day. Makes me sick. Your consultant needs to learn that women arent “models”. Disgusting.

@VesperLind Christ....can you really not see why he is there. Is that all you have gleaned from her post?

Sexual safety in the workplace is a HUGE thing in the NHS at the moment, and includes employees and patients within it. This sort of comment is exactly the reason why it exists. Definitely complain. Also, check if the NHS Trust this consultant works for has signed up to the NHS sexual safety charter.

Are you actually for real?!!

I don't know anyone who would leave a close family member to be alone at an appointment of this type. I think your attitude is deeply weird.

This is outrageous, OP.

What an awful way to to treat a patient!

I really think you should complain. These things need calling out. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!

I think both you and DH should complain separately. I'd also demand an apology.

What a giant twat that Dr is, honestly.

I don't even get the joke. What a random thing to say?

Fucking outrageous and gross. Definitely complain. Start with PALS & escalate if the response is inadequate.

I didn’t mean for it to be the point.

It is unacceptable what he said and now you have been referred for your MRI, I would complain too.

Looks like the Devil needs to change legal teams.

That comment is no more appropriate for a “traditional” couple than anyone else.

report him, if he says stuff like this, god knows what he thinks! he is seeing women at their most vulnerable and he is coming out with utter crap like this. I have a bit of an issue with men being gynaecologists, and it is for reasons like this. A family member (young and with terrible menstual problems) was told by a male gynaecologist that having a baby would help her problems and then told her that he had kids! Guess it sorted out his agonising periods a treat

An oncologist is a medic, not a surgeon. Or is he an oncology surgeon? I'm bamboozled that an oncology consult would happen without a nurse in the room, not withstanding whatever variety of trainee the other bloke was. I don't know about surgical consultations but I would also assume a nurse would be present as standard, for chaperoning any physical examinations apart from anything else. The whole thing sounds very wrong.

And all those who thought there would be issues with the new hate legislation have just been proved right.
Do you really, really think what he said is a criminal offence that deserves criminal investigation and criminal sanctions.

Definitely complain, totally inappropriate behaviour. And don't be put off by the fact that you may have to see this doctor again. They should feel ashamed and have to apologise to you.

And for the weirdos who don't understand why your DH would be there with you, I accompany my DH to lots of medical appointments at his request for 1) moral support 2) helping to remember the details and 3) a PP was right that you can often feel very small and unheard in these consultations. My DH has experienced this over and over during a life time of illness and really appreciates me helping to back him up as he is so often just not listened to.

What a dick. It's weird enough that men feel the need to enter into fields such as gynaecology and obstetrics. It feels to me that, whether conscious or not, there a level of wanting to exercise control over women's bodies and experiences which really they should have nothing to do with.